


When You Love Someone

by Bookloverstar



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Aged Up, Bella Swan with a Backbone, Emotional Baggage, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, F/M, Friendship, Growth, Hurt/Comfort, Murder Mystery, Out of Character, Out of Character Bella Swan, Rare Pairings, Slow Build, Strong Female Characters, protective Alec Volturi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:20:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 52,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25293085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bookloverstar/pseuds/Bookloverstar
Summary: After one too many brushes with death Bella is reborn. Rediscovering what it means to be human, and what it means to be inhuman; She goes on a journey of self-discovery and along the way helping others discover themselves. A story of redemption, loss, longing, and what it truly means to love. A saga about Bella and her personal journey into the unknown.
Relationships: Alec/Bella Swan, Alice Cullen/Jasper Hale, Carlisle Cullen/Esme Cullen, Edward Cullen/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 26





	1. It Ends Tonight

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my latest 'big' project I'm super excited about this story as it's pretty close to my heart; as a writer, this is something I've always wanted to explore which was the emotional toll and different feelings about relationships. Friends, lovers everything in between. Updates will be once a week and so far I'm gaging 20 or so chapters but knowing me this is going to be longer! Please don't forget to comment and leave kudos and tell me what you think! 
> 
> Also, note all the characters have been aged up to their early and mid 20's 
> 
> Enjoy!

She was soaring. High above the trees and the waves, she was flying.

Riding on Edwards back when he was running through the forest was exhilarating but this was another level. This was bliss.

The freedom, the power, the pain.

With a hard splash, she hit the water and it felt like concrete. At that one moment, she realized three things at once.

She was human and a very delicate human at that. The inky black water surrounded her like a suffocating blanket.

She couldn’t catch her breath and she didn’t know where the surface was.

She was probably going to die here.

Not that she didn’t know that was a possibility when she was up there, she just got used to the idea of her death though she admitted not like this.

When Edward left the first time, it was because he was trying to protect her humanity. Rushing to Volterra with Alice to save Alice’s brother and her love. She knew it would come with a price and Aro named it, her death in one way or another. She was fine with death. She was okay with it. As long as Edward was by her side but when he left again, with no warning and no reason, and Alice and Jasper the following suit with the rest of the Cullen’s having to leave to keep up their façade she realized that her life was as expandable as a pawn.

She tried gulping in the air but that was stupid since all she inhaled was more water. Quickly it was filling her lungs and she flailed and tried to swim upward but was confused. She couldn’t see the surface. Her lungs were burning, and she was growing weaker. She couldn’t swim anymore. She couldn’t fight anymore. She felt her body losing strength. Her air supply running short. The coldness of the water settling in. Thoughts quickly swirled in her head.

Mom, Dad I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to die like this.

Jake, I’m sorry I can’t visit you this Thursday.

Edward, I’m sorry I couldn’t keep my promise.

She felt her eyes going black. She tried to swim once more but her limbs were too weak, she couldn’t move. It’s colder now too, cold and empty.

Faintly hearing a splash somewhere in the distance, she couldn’t place it, she was so tired, so very tired. Closing her eyes, she let the cold take her.

Then suddenly fire. Fire on her body, fire in her veins, fire in her blood.

She screamed and but no sound came out. Was she still underwater? She couldn’t feel the water anymore. Only something heavy was holding her down.

It’s so hot like a volcano-like she’s standing in lava.

She opened her eyes briefly and it was so bright she quickly closed them. What she thought was the sun was a flashlight being thrown every which way as her family quickly worked to save the girl they loved so much. 

Her body was shaking now, convulsing in gruesome poses as her body tried to fight the poison that was saving her life.

It was even hotter now. Impossibly hotter. How can this be possible! Her blood boiling. She felt pain and scorching white fire coursing through her veins. The torture of the flames licking her skin and having her in its grip she let out a bellowing scream.

Her pain was intense and all three vampires flinched. Edward wished Jasper had come along, hoping that his gift could ease just a small amount of the pain, but the vision came so quick.

He was in Rio when Alice and Carlisle burst through the door of his tiny rundown apartment. Alice running to him and hugging him so tight that if he was human his bones would break. Carlisle ever calm and serene showed his happiness at having found his son.

Talking for hours, Alice trying to convince Edward to come back to Forks, to talk to her, and to make things right.

“How can things be right Alice! I betrayed her!” Edward roared as he crumpled. “I didn’t mean it. I thought – “Letting the sentence hang in the air as everyone in that room knew.

“Edward you’re a lot of things but a coward wasn’t one of them. You can’t just leave her without an explanation. Emmett and Rose are preparing the plane right now and Jasper is hunting. All you need to do is say yes. It may not make sense now but I know it’s the right thing. For everyone.” Alice pleaded with him

“I can’t Alice.” Edward said painfully “I’d rather her know I was coward than knowing the real reason”

“Edward, please be reasonable your choice affects more than you,” Alice stated

Taking an unneeded breath Edward shook his head, determined to keep his decision.

“Son” Carlisle spoke for the first time “Rosalie is with her. She told me she feels it too. She’s hurting exactly like you are, Worse knowing what she knows”

“She’s hurting?” Edward whispered

“Yes, she’s hurting! Because of this stupid choice! Everyone is hurting. Esme is with her too. She watches her day and after day and she fears she might do something drastic. Especially when we offered no explanation. My visions are never wrong, Edward please just talk to her! She will understand. I know Bella, she is one of the most extraordinary humans I will ever know and – “Alice’s eyes suddenly went blank as her vision overcame her and both her and Edward looked at each other in shock.

“We need to go,” They both said at the same time.

So, they went. Darting through the airport as fast they dared, readying their private plane with Jasper at the controls. Flying the jet faster than he dared before. He had to fly fast. He had to make it in time.

For her.

For Bella.

Filling in the others, they all readied as soon as the jet landed and Alice, Carlisle, and Edward; the fastest of the family; raced to la push.

Edward, seeing the pack racing along the lines, he read their minds. Jacob, he had a connection to her, so he spoke with him.

“Jacob!” He yelled

A brown russet-colored wolf stopped for a few seconds before running alongside once more. Edward continued “Jacob we won’t get to her in time! Please I know you care for Bella so please let us on your land! We can help her! Please, Jacob!” He begged as Jacob, torn between his loyalty to his pack and his loyalty to his friend.

“Bella!” He called, hoping she could hear him.

“Bella! Bella!” Alice called, she not the praying type was praying they were going to make it; for once her visions at a loss and herself feeling helpless; which she hasn’t felt in a long time. She didn’t like it. Not one bit. So, she screamed. She screamed her sister’s name over and over. Praying.

“Bella!” They all called with Jacob howling as they all saw her small form fall off the cliff, her small body hurdling towards the unforgiving waves and Jacob conceded. He would do anything to make sure she was safe.

To make sure she was okay.

Running faster than they ever have Edward rushed into the water, diving headfirst swimming frantically trying to find her.

He couldn’t let her die. She was too important.

She was too important to a lot of people.

Finding her small form being thrashed around he quickly grabbed her, listening for her ever-familiar heartbeat and to his dismay all he heard was silence.

“Carlisle!” He screamed, “Carlisle she doesn’t have a heartbeat!”

Pushing her onto the bank Carlisle got to work, turning on the flashlight for Jacob to see, he still in his wolf form howled.

She was dying and they all knew it.

Tormented he saw Carlisle administer CPR to no avail. She wasn’t waking up.

Her body was too weak. Phasing quickly Jacob rushed to the doctor and said the words he never thought he would say.

“Turn her!”

Shocked all three golden eyes turned to him. “You know what I said, please! Save her, she’s dying” Jacob pleading, tears running down his face.

Alice knowing more than she let on; pleaded with her father “Yes Carlisle, it’s supposed to happen this way. We got to her in time”

Carlisle, realization hitting him bit her on the wrist. Then the other and moved to every pulse point he could and finally biting her straight in the heart.

Bella convulsed and writhed and screamed. Jacob crying for his friend and for her loss took a final look and left for the trees, having to tell his brothers what some, he no doubt, already knew.

Edward lifting her in his arms cradled her as she screamed and knowing they couldn’t stay made a beeline in the opposite direction, the others hot on his heels as the familiar white house came into view. The figures casting shadows on the lawn and Edward burst inside, the girl in his arms shrieking in pain.

He placed her on the bed in his room and watched. His family filing in after him and watched with a small delicate hand caressing his shoulder.

They stayed like that for days until finally, Bella calmed, and her shrieks turned to screams then to yells and finally to moans as the fire retreated.

Bella could feel everything. She could feel the fire leaving her fingers and toes, could feel her arms going cold, her whole body succumbing to some unknown force as the fire burning brighter and hotter than ever before pulled back to her chest as she heard her heart racing.

Racing and thundering and beating so hard she thought it would burst from her chest until finally it gave one last thud and her heart stopped.

Bella was dead.

So, then she opened her eyes.

Everything was so new! So vibrant! Bella could see things she never could. The dust mites dancing in the light and the dark, the hues of color streaming through the great glass window and she could hear the squirrel nibbling on a nut 2 miles away. Bella could hear it all, including the labored breathing of two people in the room with her.

In approximately 2.8 seconds since she awoke, she took in all this information and leaped off the bed crouching in the corner to defend herself should she need be, but she gasped at who was standing in front of her.

Edward has his head bowed, hands in front of him while Carlisle did the same. Their postures tense and Edward looking up to her gasp looked pained.

Knowing who was there Bella took a mind to hear anyone else in the house and realized everyone was here, well almost everyone.

“Where’s Esme?” She asked curious to know why the gentlest of the Cullen’s was not there. Then realized her voice was different, as thousands of tinkling bells. She looked down on herself discovering she was no longer wearing her jeans and sweater but leggings and a soft blouse. Her skin was paler and hard as stone. She brought her hands up to her face and discovered her once warm cheeks were ice cold. Darting to the nearest mirror she saw her reflection but not her face. Her eyes were a bloody red, and her nose straighter. The slight bump she got when she fell and broke her nose was no longer there. She looked nearly perfect except her full lips were uneven. A trait she quite liked about herself because her dad was the same. She had her mothers’ eyes, or she had anyways.

With the pieces locking together and turning to face her former family she asked her second question; one with more importance.

“What did you do to me?’


	2. Emergency

The day we returned from Italy was the day I started to feel it.

Being with Edward again was different. I wasn’t the same and neither was he. Standing in front of the leaders of the vampire world, promising them I would die or change is both the bravest and reckless thing I have ever done. Of course, they have laws making sure the vampire world won’t come to anarchy, and soon I would become a part of it but for now, I’ll simply enjoy the rest of my humanity. Being a part of the Cullen family, creating memories with my dad and such. 

Except plans tend to go awry. We learned that Victoria was back and Edward disappeared to hunt her down but again, with no warning, no explanation. Just gone. The Cullen’s time in forks was coming to a close and in their absence offered me comfort but they were always somewhere else. Trying to find her they claimed. Alice, my best friend just told me to trust her, to trust the future however we as humans can only take so much. That was the day I would never forget. It was too much for me. I lost Charlie on that day. I found out Jacob had imprinted and I was alone. I was so tired of being alone.

I felt like I had nothing and with thoughts of relief surrounding my head, thoughts that I have never entertained before, I jumped off that cliff without looking back.

It happened quickly, so quickly if you blinked you would have missed it.

I don’t remember falling, I don’t’ even remember the crash. Just a lot of pain, so much burning, so much yelling. Everything became a blur before I passed out.

Then three days of agony.

Flashes of things, blurring memories all morphing into one. Edward’s tormented expression, Carlisle quickly moving in and out of my vision and Alice’s soothing voice and her arguing with someone.

I remember screaming, I remember wishing for death and I remember when I heard my last heartbeat.

Than silence.

And when I opened my eyes, I knew I was a very different Bella.

They explained that Victoria had led everyone on a wild goose chase and when Alice saw the vision of me falling it would have been too late to save my human life. If they didn’t change me, I would have died and stayed dead.

Strangely I wasn’t unhappy with these turns of events. Thanks to the help of the wolves Victoria and the newborn able to manipulate thoughts were dead. To this day we still don’t know if it was the newborns doing, my own, or both that caused me to jump.

I was now one of them; stronger, faster, equal. In fact, possibly even slightly above average. Jasper himself told me he was impressed by my level of control when it came to humans and hunting. In fact, it was a control that rivaled Carlisle’s, a feat which Carlisle seemed quite proud of.

Edward was as devoted as ever. Alice ever my best friend. The family ever as loving but something was always…off. 

I couldn’t place my finger on it and I wasn’t sure if I liked it.

The first few months were peaceful for the most part. Even Jacob came around eventually at my change (Of course that had more to do with Leah’s influence which I am grateful for) Things were happy and content and I thought with everything sorted we would be completely blissful.

But we weren’t.

I knew Jasper knew what I was feeling and with his looks towards Edward, I also knew Edward felt the same. 

I wanted him to talk to me, to let me in but he was always so guarded. I confronted him about his secrets and getting defensive it would just lead to fights. It started small but the tension quickly escalated to where we wouldn’t be in the same room.

We fought about it intensely, sometimes not speaking for days over it and things became tense. I started spending more time with Jake and Leah and to my surprise, it was Jake who encouraged me to speak with him.

“He probably doesn’t know how to say what he’s thinking Bells. Just talk with him” He suggested and taking his advice I started the towards the drive towards the Cullen house. Here is where our story begins:

*******

The Cullen house was surprisingly empty except for Edward who I could hear playing his piano in the other room. I knew he wasn’t happy for my change, in fact, he loathed it. It’s not like I had any say in it. We both knew I had to be changed and I was tired of all the hostility so today I asked for a favor of privacy since I knew this conversation was long overdue and I didn’t know how it would go.

Taking a deep breath, I walked to the foyer where Edward was softly playing, the melody slowly changing to my lullaby.

I stood and listened to the once comforting melody as Edward hit the last note, it rang in the air until silence surrounded us.

“Edward”

“Bella”

We both spoke at the same time and quickly fell silent again. Sighing he turns towards me and the expression is unreadable.

“Edward, I don’t know what to say, to be honest,” I say as I sit next to him on the bench. He sighs and sadly chuckles

“Yeah, me too, except I love you Bella” He says sadly

I give him a small smile as well “Yeah, me too it’s just” I trail off the words dying on my tongue

“It’s not supposed to be like this” He whispers

Standing, he starts pacing, which I know he does when he’s nervous.

“You know, I know you think that I didn’t want to change you because I didn’t want you and that’s not true.” He says turning to me

“I’ve always wanted you Bella but. I don’t think I ever truly loved you the way you deserved” He finishes looking at me

Blinking, not expecting that he continues the words coming faster and faster as he was unloading, I had no doubt words in that were in his head for a while.

“It’s not that I don’t love you but I know I was loving you for the wrong reasons and I know that you deserve better because truthfully I wasn’t sure if I loved you or the idea of you. You! The one human and vampire I can’t read who happens to smell so delicious that I would imagine draining your blood almost every time we were together, that no one can read. So caring and trusting and I didn’t want you to waste your human life on something that wasn’t certain. Now your choice was stolen and I feel it’s my fault” He lets out a breath and looks at my relief and apprehension coloring his features

“You…didn’t love me,” I say slowly trying to grasp his confession

“I don’t think in that way. No, I don’t think I did” he says quietly

“But I loved you,” I say looking down at my flats, my stomach in my throat

“I knew that too which is why it was so easy to love the idea of you”

At that, my head whipped up and I stare at him as he refused to meet my eyes, his head hanging down towards his chest

“You knew how much I loved you and still lied to me anyways” I whisper glaring at him as I clench my jaw

“Yes,” He whispers and I feel the wind knocked out of me as I collapse on the piano bench the reality crashing on me like a tidal wave.

Edward never loved me.

“I’m sorry Bella. I’m so sorry! I was confused and selfish and you were so wonderful I didn’t want to let you go and I was stupid. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry” He apologizes over and over again but I stopped listening. I couldn’t be here, I couldn’t be in that room for one more moment.

“Edward, I – I can’t; I have to leave. I need a moment” I said quickly before dashing out the door and into the woods, feeling the wind in my hair as the trees flew by me. I ran as the pain slowly started to encompass me and only then, did I realize where I’ve run too did the unshed tears come and sobs wreak my body.

The meadow, our meadow. The place where it all began, with the flowers in bloom and so full of life now gone with the tree’s leaves falling slowly to the ground. I gow down on my knees and hugged myself trying to hold myself together as I felt myself falling apart.

Edward never loved me.

“No, I don’t think I ever did” His words echoed in my head like some ugly song over and over. I lied down on the ground wishing for the first time I could sleep again.

At least if I could sleep, I could escape for a few moments but now I can’t even have that relief. I didn’t know how long I’ve been lying here but long enough for day to turn to night.

The sobs finally stopped and instead of the crushing pain; I just felt numb and I didn’t know which one was worse.

At least when I hurt, I could feel something, anything to let me know I was feeling something. Edward never loved me and now I’m like him forever.

When I pictured my eternity, Edward was always a part of that. He was my constant, he was always there. Now there’s this endless void of uncertainty that I never thought would be here.

What would happen now? What would happen to us? I couldn’t go back to the Cullen’s. Seeing him every day, I couldn’t do that. It hurt too much just thinking about it. I wonder if Alice has seen this? I wonder if Jasper knew about the feelings Edward was having?

I don’t see how they couldn’t? Did everyone know? Were they playing with me too? Was I a fascinating toy to them that they got stuck with no return label?

Did they ever love me as they said they did or were they all playing Edward’s game as well? All these questions swirling around my head gave me a headache.

I didn’t even think vampires could get headaches but I guess it’s just another thing I’m wrong about.

Bringing my knees to my chest I rest my head and just felt the breeze on my face. Sighing I slowly started getting up, I slowly walked toward the edge of the clearing, taking one last look at the place where so many happy memories were made and walked away, probably for the last time.

Hearing the creatures of the night rustle and move was slightly comforting. Knowing at least I wasn’t completely alone. Hearing the leaves crunch under my shoes created a rhythm and as I approached the house, I could tell Edward was gone and Alice was there.

Taking a deep breath, I slowly walked towards the house until the front door swung open and Alice came running through.

“Bella!” She exclaimed hugging me with all her might, I brought my arms around her robotically as she pulled away tears brimming

“Bella I’m so sorry! Please believe me it was the only way. We love you, we love you so much! He didn’t mean it Bella I swear! Please we love you so much!”

“Alice, I don’t blame you,” I said softly looking at her puppy dog eyes “But did you know? Did you know he never loved me?” I ask silently pleading with her to give me an honest answer.

Looking away from me I have my answer “We had our suspicions but nothing was confirmed until he found her” She whispered

That surprised me and I look at her my brows scrunched “Her?” I asked

Alice’s eyes grew wide and her mouth opened and closed like a gaping fish “Bella he didn’t tell you, did he?” She asks sadly

“Tell me what Alice” My voice growing small

“Bella, he didn’t mean it,” She tells me

Stepping away from her I see her broken expression and I feel the emptiness fall over me once again. “Tell me what Alice” My voice becoming harder

Shifting her eyes away from me she replies the words that are my final undoing.

“His mate” 


	3. A Million Years Ago

“His Mate”

Her words rang in my head and yet I still didn’t understand

“His what,” I said my voice calm

“Bella neither of us saw it coming, not even me, he was hunting and she was camping by herself it was all so sudden – “

“She’s human?” I asked my voice thick, her words crushing me with a heavy blow

With a nod of her head, I looked down to the ground.

He has a mate. A human mate.

That’s not me.

“When did it happen?” I asked quietly, memories of us together swirling through my head like a tornado, trying to find any clue as to how or when or what the source of the mysterious changes began, At least now I know why they happened. 

“Before Italy,” She said quietly, reluctantly “That’s why he went to the masters, he felt so guilty Bella – “She begged

“So, he traded my life for hers,” I said fiercely anger bubbling in my belly for the first time. He traded me in for something better, something more human.

“No! No, it wasn’t like that!” Alice chimed shaking her head fiercely

“That’s how it sounds” My voice rang with bitterness before a wave of unnatural calm hit me and I looked to see Jasper behind her, a look of concentration on his face.

“Jasper stop that!” I demanded and with a grimace, the anger came back full force. I went to the nearest tree and pulled it by its roots throwing it half a mile. This anger is hot, dry, and betrayal at its core. It felt like the whole world is coming down on me, the air coming too quickly, the world spinning too fast. Edward wasn’t my mate, he never was.

I always knew something wasn’t quite set, wasn’t quite right. Edward had always been this unreachable deity that I could never quite match. Me being human in all my imperfections was the cause I always thought and now I am perfect. I’m equal to him. I’m finally a match for my mate. Edward is my mate there was no question in my mind until after Italy when things started changing. Edward being my mate; this undeniable, indisputable, irrefutable, unquestionable fact…was wrong.

I was wrong. 

“Is that why everyone was gone those weeks? To go to her!” I yelled and at their guilty expressions I scoffed “Unbelievable!”

Those weeks where everyone disappeared, even Edward, even Alice. No one was there and when I discovered Charlie’s body lying cold in the dirt in the forest, I was alone. I had to deal with the consequences. I had to move him. Only when I called Jake in a panic did Jake come and when Alice saw me disappear did they come. Until then I was alone. Until I decided to jump, I was alone. Does something drastic always have to happen for me to be first!?

“How could you do this to me? Alice, I don’t blame you for what he did but you all left! With no explanation nothing! Charlie had just died and Jacob imprinted on Leah and you all left me alone! You all were supposed to be my family!” I yelled brokenly as I collapsed on my knees, the tearing in my chest ripping open and sobs racked through my body. “Charlie died because I was left alone! I couldn’t protect him! Now I know it was for nothing!” I shrieked, hot tears in my eyes, never to fall again.

I look my shaking white hands, the unnatural hardness, the cold, the skin like steel. Was all this for nothing? Did I change for nothing? Could I have stayed human and all this could be for nothing? Was my change preventable? Could I have grown more, found another love, one that wasn’t passionate but one that could fulfill me none the less? Given me children and a death that I could revel in, being reunited with my family. My real family?

“I can’t believe you all” I looked at them, no doubt betrayal in my eyes as Alice covered her mouth her own sobs breaking free.

“I’m sorry Bella. I know you don’t believe me now but we had too. We had too to get everyone’s happy ending” She explained her voice small

“Everyone’s happy ending except mine,” I said bitterly, looking at the ground. Is this my fate? Is love supposed to torture you? 

“Especially yours” She replies fiercely, her tear-filled eyes angry and determined 

“Bella, I don’t care if you hate us, I don’t care if you never want to see us again but I just want you to know that everything that happened had to happen. There are things in motion right now that have bigger consequences for everyone. More than you realize, hell more than I realize. It’s a bigger picture that we all have parts in and this is the beginning of mine and yours.” She whispered her eyes blazing

Shaking my head, I laughed, a bitter and cold sound as Alice simply shook her head “I know you don’t believe me Bella but you had to know that. I had to tell you.” Sighing in defeat Alice turned but before she walked away, she handed me a manila envelope with Bella, written in her elegant script and my old backpack.

“Here, inside is a burn phone and a card with all the settlement money you got from Charlie’s life insurance plus all the equity from the sale of the home. There’s also a one-way ticket to Volterra in there as well. The plane leaves tomorrow but if you change your mind you can refund the ticket and go another time. Aro still wants to make sure of your change and it could be good for you to get away from all this. From us” She whispered, her eyes taking on a murky hue to them. “You should go, get away from all this” 

I look at her and her eyes instead of joyful and energetic are heavy with the burden of the unknown. She looks tired and runs down and for a moment I feel genuinely sorry for Alice.

That is until I remembered all the secrets. All the lies. All the broken promises. With a stiff nod, I took it from her without a word before running to the airport and leaving them, everything behind.

************

**Alice**

Seeing Bella runoff, the emotional dam I’ve been keeping burst and I turn myself into Jasper’s waiting arms. I cry into his shirt as he slowly rubs my hair and takes me into the quiet house.

“Are we wrong Jasper? Am I wrong?” I whisper wringing my hands together

“No,” He says firmly “If anything we’re helping them. I know better than to go against you Alice” He says kissing my ear

“But everyone is hurting and yes Bella and Edward will eventually be happy but...there are so many variables! So many things could change!”

“Both are miserable, the family is in shambles, and there is no guarantee that Bella will ever let anyone in after this. Look what we did to her!” I sob, seeing Bella in that much pain, how broken she looked. The first time we left was hard and after learning of Edward’s mate it only got harder. I should have knocked more sense into Edward, should have looked harder, should have tried some other way…. 

“Darlin you can’t control people; you can’t control the outcome you can only control your actions and emotions. I know Bella. Her heart is pure and she feels so deeply for everyone around her. She’s hurting but if everything comes to pass then she won’t be hurting anymore. She’ll be happy, happier than she could ever dream of being.” He tries to calm me, but Bella’s burden is mine as well.

“She’ll be hurting for a long time. She’ll be put through hell and back” I say hauntingly seeing Bella’s future. Her confusion, her pain, her torture. “If she stays on this path Bella will hurt. She’ll make tremendous sacrifices and lose so much.” I whisper, seeing Bella’s future anguish everything blurry except her pain-filled eyes. I don’t know who or why, but Bella was going to suffer but further down the line of fate I see Bella, regal, her eyes bright and happy, a smile lights her face. Everything will be healed and as I stand there looking at my reflection; dirt and blood on my face with the smile of victory.

“yet she’ll save us all” I look at Jasper and seeing his grim look I look out the window to where Bella disappeared.

I close my eyes to look, her future hazy. Images pass me by of the people she’ll meet, the challenges she’ll face yet the one image that keeps me going, our family finally complete, old secrets revealed and Bella, scarred yet thriving in the arms of her true mate, surrounded by people that love her. That image keeps me going and justifies the path I sent her on. I just hope she forgives me, I hope she’ll be strong enough to forgive herself.

“Good luck Bella” I whisper

***********

Walking into the airport in the early morning hours I see people coming and going. Seeing as I was already checked in all I had to do was wait. Sitting in a lone chair in the corner I rummaged through my backpack to see what was there. A change of clothes, plus all my favorite classics which I was pleased to find. There was also a soft pouch on the bottom and inside was a jewelry box holding a dainty pearl bracelet with the Cullen crest hanging as a charm. There was a note along with it and I recognized Carlisle’s doctor scribble immediately

_Bella, I realize you must be incredibly angry with all of us, for which I do not blame you, I would be surprised if you didn’t. You have been lied too, used and I’m sure to feel very much betrayed. I see it as my personal failure to you and as a leader of my family for choosing one child over another, a sin for which I hope for no forgiveness. However, I know I can speak for everyone that you are and have always been a Cullen. You are an inspiration to us, and I sincerely hope you find the happiness you very much deserve. I am so very, very sorry for my actions and for the choices we have made. We love you, always_

_Carlisle_

Tears smart my eyes as I gently placed the note and bracelet back in my bag. Words were easy to say, words meant nothing if not for actions to back them up.

Edward constantly said he loved me, yet he was able to lie to my face and toss me to the side when he gets bored.

Alice said she was my friend yet covered the lies he was telling me. Asking me to trust her when she’s shown me that she isn’t trustworthy? I give a short laugh to myself. Priceless.

What family would leave on the request of a boy? A boy I loved, may still love, but who doesn’t love me. It doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things anyway. I’m here and he’s wherever she is I imagine.

I wonder what she looks like, how she is? If she’s kind, fierce, tall, small, or anything and everything between. I wonder if she knows about me, knew about me? I wonder if they kept me secret or if he keeps secrets from her as he did me?

Would he abandon her? Would he caress her cheek as he did mine? Call her ‘love’ and ‘dearest’ with the same sweetness he did with me? 

Would he take her to our meadow? The place where our love bloomed and died? Would they stretch in the grass with his skin shining and her warming in the sun?

Shaking my head, I pushed those thoughts away, the stinging hurt piercing me like a hot needle on butter. I don’t want to think so I won’t. Pushing all those thoughts and feelings down in a locked box, tossing it in the deep sea in my unconscious.

Sighing I picked up wuthering heights, focusing more on Catharine and Heathcliff’s doomed love than my own. Losing track of time, I heard my plane being boarded and gathering the things I headed to the door, going through the motions, and taking a seat. Buckling in and being thankful that Alice got me a single seat. Putting in my headphones I try and enjoy the sixteen-hour flight towards what, I had no idea.

************

Finally landing, I look towards the city in twilight and I see the city is actually quite gorgeous. I guess I didn’t pay enough attention when I was here last time. Figures.

Coming out of the airport I try and ignore the stares from other people as I cross into the city. So many people milling about as I walk the streets, seeing all the history and gorgeous agriculture. Seeing children being called into dinner I smile at their joyful faces. So peaceful and innocent.

Following the directions on my phone, I see the ancient castle in the distance, a few miles from the city, and begin my trek. When it gets dark enough, I use the tree cover to go at my new pace, running until the castle is only a mile away.

I must say running is probably my new favorite activity. It feels so freeing, so liberating. Coming closer I slow my pace until I arrive at the entrance and seeing the locked doors, I realize I don’t know how to get in.

Is there a special vampire entrance or something? Puzzled I start to walk until I spot, a door that seamlessly blends into the wall. Feeling accomplished I pull realizing I need to use my vampire strength and open it to find a very clean hallway that leads into a reception area of sorts where a single woman sits at a desk.

Walking up I make my steps known as to not frighten her and as she looks up, she asks “what is your purpose?”

“Um, to see Aro,” I say awkwardly

“Name please,” she asked

“Isabella Swan” I answered

“one moment” she reached for her phone and pressed a button until I heard a voice on the other end roughly going “yes”

“I have an Isabella Swan here requesting an audience with Master Aro,” She said pleasantly

“Alright I’ll be right out”

“Someone will be here momentarily,” She said unnecessarily and not wanting to be rude I said a quick thanks as I waited.

I didn’t have to wait long as I see a familiar figure walking toward me, but I didn’t remember his name. He smiled however and greeted me like an old friend

“Good evening Bella, how are you? The change suits you” He said nicely, the smile genuine 

“Uh, thank you um; I’m sorry I don’t remember your name” I apologize to which he laughed and brushed it off

“Don’t worry about it, I remember your last visit here you didn’t have enough time to learn everyone’s names. My name is Dimitri” He smiled and held out his hand as I shook it and he opened a large door that leas to a very familiar throne room with three familiar faces looking at me.

“Bella! What a lovely surprise to see you!” Aro claps as he smiled at me and remembering to bow, I take a quick curtsy with Aro shooing it off.

“Oh, no matter for that. How have you been my dear? I see you have made a beautiful vampire, a lovely sight to behold” He complimented and I smiled softly

“I see you have come alone; where is your lovely mate, Mr. Edward?” He asks looking over my shoulder as if expecting him to come at any moment.

I flinched slightly as I replied, “I’m sorry to say that he isn’t my mate he – “stopping short I didn’t want to give him away because even if I hate him now that human girl shouldn’t pay the price “has left once I was turned. After my change, the feelings faded and we quickly realized we weren’t right for one another.” I lied smoothly, internally rolling my eyes feeling the familiar anger bubble in my stomach. 

“Ah, yes, the mating bond is as elusive as it is rare. One would consider themselves very lucky to find their mate but I must say I would say his loss is another’s gain is it not?” He smiled gently and I found myself nodding

“yes, I would hope that would be the case” I answered softly not daring of thinking of my possible mate if I even have one. I doubt it. I swear now I will not put myself through that kind of pain again. Not unless I know, not unless I’m sure. 

“Well that’s enough I will say my patience is growing thin Aro, we see the girl is changed. No rules are broken. Are we done?” Caius asks impatiently, breaking me out of my musings. 

“Just a moment brother, patience is a virtue after all. Miss Bella, I do remember your unique gift as a human and I do wonder how it has changed since your transformation?” He asked holding out his hand in offer.

“Of course,” I reply hold out my own for him to take, confident that if Edward couldn’t read my mind, he can’t either.

Gripping my hand, he closed his eyes in concentration laughing loudly after a few tense moments. Smiling he says “As elusive as ever! Not a word! Truly astounding” He says moving back to his throne. “Bella, I hope you don’t mind but I am ever so curious. Would you mind if I try a few more tests?” He asks eagerly and nodding my head, yes, he instructs a young woman who couldn’t be older than 20 steps forward and I immediately recognized her as the one who inflicts pain. Bracing myself I get ready for whatever she throws at me.

“This may a sting a bit,” She says impassively

Closing my eyes, I wait for it and wait for it, until I open my eyes to see her glaring at me as her brows are knitted in concentration. Huffing and giving a small dissatisfied grunt she says a bit annoyed “It doesn’t work on her”

“Fascinating” Aro murmurs “Tell me Bella do you know if you can shield just yourself or others as well?” He asks, his eyes lighting up

“Um, I’m not sure, I’ve never tried to defend anyone before,” I say honestly my mind going blank.

“Interesting, may we try one more test Bella?” He asks almost out of his chair with excitement as Caius looks on bored while Marcus looks over at me and has this strange expression on his face.

“Of course, Aro” I respond

“Excellent my dear!” He swiftly put himself about 10 feet away from while calling for Jane. The same girl steps out from before with slight confusion. “Now Bella concentrate on putting your shield on me as Jane dear, attack me” He’s grinning from ear to ear as I looked at him, he nodded at me as I took a quick look at Jane who had a similar expression to mine. After a moment I see Aro withering on the floor, his face contorting in pain. Alarmed I looked at him and imagined a bubble surrounding him holding out my arms feeling something stretch from fingers; like invisible plastic wrap.

Immediately Aro stopped moving as I saw him breathing hard but laughing. Holding the shield though was taking more energy, I collapsed when my body couldn’t take the weight and I saw Aro start convulsing again.

“Master!” I heard Jane gasp as he sat up and had the biggest grin on his face. Getting to his feet he smiled at me and took my hand.

“You Bella are a very powerful shield. I would be honored Bella to invite you to join the guard; spend a year here in our home, with us to help you develop this gift and natural skill you have.” He asked brightly as I blinked.

Live here? In the castle? With the Volturi?

“I…don't know what to say” I whispered cause truthfully what do you say to the vampire rulers?

“Say yes!” Aro replied brightly “and I understand if you need some time to think it over, I invite you to spend time here and get to know our family. Jane?”

She stepped out as Aro said “please show our newest guests to one of the rooms? Show her around” He smiled as she nodded her head and walked toward me, although a little hesitant.

I guess I would be hesitant too if my gift didn’t work though I’m guessing she must not like me too much.

“Your room is down this hall,” She said emotionless as she turned and lead me down the nearest hallway. We walked in silence, her small heels making a clicking sound every time she stepped and the whole thing is kind of awkward.

Wanting to make conversation I awkwardly said “Um, sorry I deflected your gift” Looking at her in the corner of my eye I saw her lips purse a bit and I bite lip. Okay, so wrong thing to say.

Stopping short in front of a grand looking door she opened it and motions for me to step in. With a flick of her wrist the lights turn on and I see beautiful cream painted walls with a spacious bed, a flat-screen tv, and a desk with a bookshelf right next to it.

“This will be your room for the night if you decide to use it. If you choose to join the guard you will be moved to a more spacious room in the guard’s quarters.” She said in that monotone voice

“There is a game room down the hallway to your left and a library to the right. If you choose to feed, you can use the surrounding forests or request for Renata to fetch you something since today is not a hunting day for us.”

I shivered slightly at the request and simply said “Thank you”

“Your welcome” Turning she walked to the door before stopping and saying “and don’t worry about it”

“I’m sorry,” I asked confused

Turning and giving me the tiniest smile, she repeated “don’t worry about it, to deflecting my gift. Don’t worry about it” and with that, she swiftly left me in my new room alone to think.


	4. Someone Like You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry about the late update you guys! Don't forget to comment and tell me what you think! I love hearing from y'all!

When Jane left, I set my backpack on the bed as I smoothed my hand over the sheets feeling the silk. Looking around the room I’m not in the mood for tv and I’ve read all the books I’ve brought with me.

Looking in the quiet hallway I made my down to the library using the instructions Jane had given me and found it easily.

Complex designs carved into the stained wood and I stopped and admired the craft. It’s quite beautiful and I knew only a vampire could do something this skillfully.

Walking in, I noticed Marcus quietly reading on a comfy-looking armchair with a thick novel in his hands. Looking up he spots me and smiling sheepishly I said “I’m sorry I just wanted to see the library, I didn’t mean to disturb you,” I said quickly.

“Not at all” He answered quietly “Please enjoy yourself, the pursuit of knowledge is to be shared” With that, he went back to his novel. Walking quietly as not to disturb him I browsed the endless shelves, my excitement growing seeing all the books. One, in particular, catches my eye and as I pulled it down, I noticed the full title

_The Complete healer’s guide to remedies and antidotes for vampires by Didyme V._

Fascinated I flipped through the book seeing all the detailed illustrations and recipes for the quick herbal mixture for deep cracking and how to use vampire saliva to help a burning vampire. There was even a recipe for hiding your scent, effetely making yourself invisible. 

“Wow” I whispered

“Indeed” I heard a deep voice behind me, turning quickly I noticed Marcus a few feet behind me, “My Didyme wrote that,” He said softly gesturing to the book in my hands.

“She was a magnificent creature my Didyme was. A gifted healer and talented vampire. She was so proud when Aro added her work to the personal archives. She felt that these remedies were vital for our histories. She was right.” Looking lost in thought he blinked and looking forlorn he continued “She was lost to us thousands of years ago, lost in the battle of Volterra.” He whispered, tears brimming.

Feeling sorry I placed my hand on his shoulder, he looked at me and smiled sadly patting my hand. “You are very kind Bella, a virtue that goes often ignored but is the most precious.”

“Thank you and I’m sorry I don’t know about any of vampire history. What was the battle of Volterra?” I ask curiously

“Well, it was the final battle between us and our forces against the Romanian coven. They were the ruling coven before us but unfortunately, they cared more about being treated as gods by the local people than caring for our kind. They were very cruel towards those they deemed unfit in their perfect society and killed many innocent vampires in the process. Those who were not gifted or had too strong of a gift. It rose to a point where some vampires wanted a change and Aro who led the initial charge against them started the rebellion that eventually ended their reign. I’m sure you noticed that Aro is a man of science, always looking to improve our society with the best and brightest”

I chuckled lightly as I nodded

“yes, my brother in friendship then my brother in marriage, Didyme was actually his younger sister. Oh, how he loved her. It was difficult not to love someone as gentle as my Didyme.” He said sadly

“You actually remind me of her a bit, the same gentle soul. I know if you ever have gotten the chance to meet her you would have had much in common.”

“Oh, thank you” I look down not sure what to say to such a compliment

“yes, well I’m sure you have better things to do then listen to the tales of an old man; but if you don’t mind, may I mention something?” He looked at me with a glint in his eye

“Of course,” I said

He leaned in close and whispered “I noticed that you have gentle patience about you; a quality that goes very well with someone who is fiery and has the same level of spunk that you do. Someone like our Jane”

“Jane? I don’t think she would want to be friends with me. I think she must have gotten a little upset I was able to block her in the throne room” I said honestly

Chuckling Marcus goes “Well yes, our Jane isn’t used to being defeated so quickly but looks can be deceiving. In your stay with us I think that if you ever grow to be lonely, you might find some good company in her. I think she’s usually in the game room with the others at this time.” He said innocently.

“Thank you for your advice. I think I’ll go and check” I chuckled, smiling

“Your welcome Bella. Have a pleasant evening”

Walking out of the library, I thought about Marcus’s words and the improv history lesson. Who knew vampire history could be so cool? Hearing the various noises from video games I stepped into the huge room seeing Dimitri and Felix playing a game on the tv while on the other side of the room I saw Jane quietly putting away pieces of a chess game and approaching her cautiously she looked up surprised to see me.

“Hello Jane,” I said softly, smiling

“Hello Bella,” she said looking out of place

“Do you like chess?” I ask dumbly wanting to make some kind of conversation

“Yes, I usually play with my brother but he’s currently out on a mission. Do you play?” She asked curiously tilting her head

“Yeah I actually love it; it’s a thinking man’s game” I replied 

“Thinking woman’s as well” she quirked as she smiled sitting down “Would you like to play,” She asked looking a little shy

Nodding I sat down and helped her set up the board. “Alec and I usually flip a coin to see who goes first unless you have a preference?”

“No, whatever’s easier, I’m just glad to have some company,” I said honestly

Looking slightly surprised she turned and flipped a small coin landing on the table and flipping it on her wrist

“Tales” She called

“Heads”

Looking she smiles and shows me the top of the coin “Lucky girl” She comments softly turning the board.

“Lucky is only as luck has it” I replied with a laugh

I move my chosen piece and she followed suit. We go like that for a while each developing a strategy and getting lost in the game. I didn’t notice until we were the only ones left in the room.

I was impressed, Jane proved to be quite an opponent; choosing her moves carefully and thinking through specific plays.

“You are quite a good chess player” I commented

“The same to you; I must admit the only one who gives me a run for my money is my brother” she commented with a hint of pride

Smiling I touched on that “You and your brother must be quite close”

“Very. He is one of the only true friends I have” she whispered softly looking downcast

Frowning I ask “Why is that? I’m sorry for asking but you seem like a great friend I can’t imagine why anyone wouldn’t want to be your friend” I said

Surprised at my reply she continued “My position in the guard is quite unique, my gift and rank in the guard seem to intimidate a lot of people. Most seem I want to hurt them or expect me to hurt them so they tend to keep a wide berth” She said stiffly angrily moving her rook.

“I’m sorry to hear that. That must be really hard.” I responded moving my pawn forward.

“Yes, it can be quite lonely” She whispered and shocked at what she revealed, muttered a quick apology.

“You don’t have to say sorry for you feel Jane. Feelings are valid and complicated” I said musing on my relationship with Edward and friendship with Alice. At least what it used to be.

“Are you alright?” She asked looking concerned

“Yes, I’m alright. Sorry lost in thought.”

“May I ask something?” She looked at me curiously

“Ask away” 

“Forgive me if this is personal but why did you come here alone? Without your Edward or the rest of the Cullen’s?” She asked and I bite my lip looking away

“I’m sorry, I know it’s personal” she backtracked quickly before I started shaking my head

“No, no it’s fine; it’s a valid question especially after our performance last year. Um, Edward is a very complicated man, and to put it simply we just weren’t right for one another and it was painful being around what could have been. So, I decided to come here, since I knew Aro wanted to see me changed and it would provide a distraction from everything.” I said honestly, looking away blinking away tears. A distraction from the lies, the betrayal, the hurt.

“I can tell there is more to your story but thank you for sharing with me what you can.” She said gently.

“Thank you, Jane, I appreciate that” I smiled and as we continue with our game, we get to know one another. Jane as it turned out is quite the firecracker, throwing in witty jokes and comebacks every so often. Reminding me of Jacob and Rose combined if Rose was nicer. Soon looking down on the board I noticed our game was finished “I think we’ve come to a stalemate” I said laughing

She looked and laughed as well “I think I would enjoy a rematch”

“Looking forward to it” I added and smiled at her as she looked back at me and gave me a tentative smile back. 

Just then her pocket beeped and as she looking down, smiled brightly “My brother is coming home. He’s been gone for the past six months. I don’t think you’ve gotten the chance to meet him.”

“No, I don’t believe so.”

“He’ll be back in a week, but I know your only staying the one night,” She said a hint of sadness near her eyes.

“I’m beginning to reconsider, being here is quite pleasant and Aro offered me a year, possibly longer, I think it would be nice if I extended my stay. At least if I’m able too.” I added

“Really? That’s good to hear” She said as we exited the game room

“It is?” I was surprised

“yes, your very kind and it’s nice having another friend here in the castle” She added softly

“Yeah it does, I know we’ll be really good friends” I smiled softly, ignoring the nagging anxiety in my stomach.

“Well since you’re my friend why I don’t show you the master’s offices, you’ll find Aro there,” She said easily, standing and leading me out of the room.

“That would be great thank you!”

“It’s this way “She lead me through many corridors and up a flight of stairs until I’m standing in front of a huge wood carved door. I was beginning to sense there’s a trend going on.

With a gentle knock, she opened it and Aro looked up from his desk and smiled. “Jane, Bella well this is a nice surprise how can I help you this evening?”

“I was thinking of your offer to stay for a year and I would love to accept it,” I said smiling when his smile became bigger.

“Wonderful simply wonderful! I’ll make the arrangements at once. Jane dear, would you mind showing Bella her new room?”

“Not at all”

“Wonderful well I must get back to my work but I’m very happy you decided to extend your stay with us” He gave me a warm smile and I happily nodded back.

“Me too. Have a goodnight Aro” I smiled warmly at him before closing the door.

After exiting and making a quick pace I’m grabbing my backpack from the bed when Jane asked, “Is that all you have with you?”

“Yes, I would have brought more but I left in somewhat of a hurry” I shrugged making a mental note to go shopping.

“Not to worry I was going to mention as a guard member we’re each granted a credit card to use on whatever we please. If you would like I can take you shopping sometime, the stores here in Volterra are nice but Hedi is the shopper not me and she’s with Alec currently.”

“That would be nice Jane, I’ll take you up on that.” 

“Oh, and here is your room” Pushing open the wooden door I held in a gasp that was my new room.

The walls are painted a very pale sea green-blue color with a huge window framing the wall with a cushy looking window seat, perfect for reading. Next to it is a bookshelf filled with most of my favorite classics as well as some YA novels I have yet to read. There, sitting next to it is a beautiful desk with a rolling chair and a dresser with a huge flat screen tv hanging above it. The closet was very spacious yet empty. Reminding me a smaller version of Princess Mia’s closet from the Princess Diaries. The bed though might be my favorite part of the room, competing with the desk/bookshelf combo. Reminding me of my bed back at Charlie’s purple comforter and pillow set is the same. 

“It’s beautiful like it was designed just for me.”

“It probably was” Jane answered

“What,” I ask confused

“Well when you all came last year, Aro read Edward’s mind and got a sense of what you liked. Whenever he meets someone he is interested in, he tries to make them comfortable.” She shrugged as she gave me a quick goodbye while I looked around a bit more.

Huh, well I can’t decide if that’s creepy or sweet or both. Filing that away I walked around the room taking in every detail and making mental notes on how I want to set everything up once I get some of my old belongings in here and when I eventually go shopping.

Even though shopping may not be my favorite activity in the world Jane had a point. Two pairs of clothes and one pair of beat-up flats won’t be enough. Going back to the closet I made mental notes of everything I needed to get and where to put everything. Chuckling I knew Alice would have had this whole thing redone by the end of today.

I wondered what she’s doing right now? She always seemed to be doing something. I wonder what they were all doing. Esme and Carlisle were always so gentle, it would be nice to have their advice about all this. Rosalie and Emmett; the yin and yang. Rose, although cold would tell me to hold strong while Emmett would probably get along well with Felix and Dimitri. Jasper, ever calm, would talk with me. We used to talk all night about everything, and our shared love of history would entertain us for hours.

Then there was Edward. Always so complex. Playing his sweet melodies while also looking so serious. He was always serious, except around his family. He would joke and laugh and the stress and heaviness on his shoulders would disappear. Maybe it was just me then? He was also so worried, so precautious of any harm coming to me. I would try to help him relax but it would rarely work. I’m sure he wasn’t so serious around his mate.

This mysterious mate of his. Does she have blonde hair, brown? Is she prettier than me? In all my unnatural beauty, is a human girl more beautiful? Edward always said that I was more beautiful than Rosalie when my insecurities got the best of me; I knew he was lying but maybe he thinks this girl best me. I mean I know she did because I’m here in a foreign city, away from everyone I ever loved while I’m sure the Cullen’s dote on this new face, getting everything, she could ever dream off, maybe even immortality? If she wants it anyway. I can’t believe he found her. Alice’s words repeating themselves yet again in my mind.

“Bella neither of us saw it coming, not even me, he was hunting, and she was camping by herself it was all so sudden – “

“I’m sorry Bella. I know you don’t believe me now, but we had too. We had too to get everyone’s happy ending”

“Bella, I don’t care if you hate us, I don’t care if you never want to see us again, but I just want you to know that everything that happened had to happen. There are things in motion right now that have bigger consequences for everyone. More than you realize, hell more than I realize. It’s a bigger picture that we all have parts in, and this is the beginning of mine and yours.”

“We love you Bella”

Ah, it was all so infuriating. Why she couldn’t just say what she meant and give me a straight answer, I will never understand. What did she even mean about “Certain things had to happen”? Like what and certainly at what price? Just because Edward found his happiness doesn’t mean I will. Do I even want too? Is there really any happiness I can find?

Shaking my head, I turned away from the closet taking one last look at the corner where I wish I had kept some of Charlie’s old shirts, but I knew that the boxes were still in Forks. I would put them right in front, right there so they would be the first thing I see. 

I wondered what Charlie would have thought about everything. My turning, Edward leaving, me joining what could be the closest thing to vampire royalty.

Laughing softly, I knew he would probably freak. Grabbing his gun and giving me a lecture of the century. However, I also knew once he calmed down, he would have hugged me and given me some much-needed advice. Walking to the window and seeing the dark sky, even with my new sight, I still can’t see him.

Are you happy where you are? Are you fishing all day and drinking your favorite beer? Are you laughing with mom? Is she making you your favorite dish? It must be nice seeing her again, after all these years. Reuniting with her dad. Can you tell her I missed her? That I loved her? That even though she was taken much too soon I’m happy she wasn’t suffering anymore.

Will I ever see you two again? And if I ever do will you be proud of me with the choices I’ve made? With who I’m turning out to be?

Sitting on the bench I rested my back against the wall, still looking. Hoping to see some glimpse, some tiny hope that I’m not alone and that I’m not making yet another mistake.

“Will you guys keep watch?” I whispered, too low for anyone to hear “Will you two help me, I can’t do this alone. I can’t be alone. It’s too difficult. Because even if I must try and figure out this life by myself knowing that you both love me, that you still love me; even I’m different now. That’s all I would need. To know that you both still love me. To know that someone out there chose me and kept choosing me. It’s selfish and wrong to want that, I know, you taught me better Dad I know, but I can’t help it. No one else will want me so it’s nice to know that you both did”

I stayed like that for the rest of the night seeing the moon slowly dip behind the hills as new dawn slowly came. 


	5. The Kids Aren't Alright

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! Another chapter! I hope you like it!

As the dawn slowly rose and the sun’s rays hit my window, the light hit my skin and thousands of tiny lights surrounded my room. I held up my hand and wiggled my fingers, the light dancing along the walls. Although the change was sudden, there were some perks.

As I changed into a set of clothes, I felt the fabric of the jeans and soft blouse, I looked at the mirror on my dresser and saw that my hair was an absolute mess. Wishing that I had a hairbrush, I just tied it in a ponytail, for now, making yet another mental note about what I needed to buy.

Personal items, electronics, clothes, shoes I sincerely hoped Jane was right and I’ll get to use a credit card. I really didn’t want to use the money I had on things but I’ll do it if I have too but really don’t want too.

Feeling the tickle in my throat I knew I’ll have to hunt. Thankfully there’s a nearby forest but I didn’t know if I can just go or if I must tell someone I’ll go.

Deciding to play it safe I walked the same route to the offices but seeing Aro not there I walk further along seeing Marcus’s door slightly open.

Before I got the chance to knock, I heard a quite “Come in Bella”

Marcus, with many documents surrounding his desk, smiled at me as I gave a hello “ I’m sorry to disturb you, again, um I need to hunt, and I wasn’t sure if I needed to let someone know or just go?” I shrugged self-consciously.

“It’s quite alright. Things here must be quite different from where you’re from?” Nodding he gave a quiet laugh “It’s understandable, I assume you don’t want to change diets so whenever you need to hunt just let any of the guards know and feel free to go whenever you wish. Just if it happens to be sunny don’t go unless you have a cloak to protect your skin and here” opening the drawer he took out a small, black plastic card. “This is yours. Jane mentioned to me last night that you are missing some personal items, so this is yours to spend on whatever you need. Just use it carefully” He chuckled giving me the same look my dad gave me when I got my first credit card.

Smiling gratefully, I took it and placed it in my pocket. “Thank you, Master Marcus” Remembering my manners since I knew I’ve been addressing them by their names.

“Please, just Marcus” He waved his hand as he smiled “Unless we’re in full-court it’s just our names. None of this Master nonsense. We’re a family here and we address family as family.”

“Well then thank you, Marcus” I smiled as he waved me off, telling me to have fun on my hunt.

Walking back the way I came, I found the nearest door to the outside and once I felt the grass underneath my shoes I began to run. The familiar feeling of freedom hitting me as I let my senses take over.

Smelling a scent, I followed it until I saw a huge bear. Climbing quietly, I waited until it was distracted than jump onto it’s back, biting its neck, my teeth ripping into its skin like butter as I felt the warm blood going down my throat satisfying the burn. Tossing the carcass away as I continued my hunt, I could feel that something wasn’t right. Sensing someone nearby but deeming its not a threat, I drained two more bears before I started running again. Feeling that same someone following me and spying a clearing I beelined toward it, slowing my pace to see if they were going to make themselves known.

I slowly walked around in a circle and spotting a deer, drained it quickly as I felt the stranger’s eyes on me. Growing frustrated that they’re still hiding I yelled out “You know I know you’re there, right?”

As a figure emerged on my right I turned to see a handsome vampire, not one I recognized as he’s slightly taller than me, has black hair that swishes over his forehead and slender yet muscular build. He was wearing a suit and when he looked at me his red eyes bore into mine, I felt as if my feet were glued to the ground, my eyes having tunnel vison straight into his.

Blinking and breaking whatever trance I was just in, I took a step back as he stopped ten feet away from me, still looking at me and not saying a word.

After a beat of silence, I grew annoyed as I asked, “Can I help you?”

“No,” He said quickly, his voice like silk, deep yet still having a boyish charm. “My apologies, I didn’t mean to disrupt your hunt.” He said as eyes still bore into mine.

“You didn’t, I was just finishing up. Why are you following me? Who are you?” I asked on guard but still curious as to see who this vampire is.

“Forgive me, I’ve been terribly rude; allow me to introduce myself,” He said taking two steps forward as I took two steps back.

“My name is Alec. I saw you leave the castle. I was curious to see who the new addition was and decided to see what you were doing. It’s not very often we have animal drinkers here in our city” He explained, his hands moving behind his back. Standing straight I started to see the similarities between him and my newest friend.

“Your Jane’s brother” I confirmed seeing they have the same nose and lips although Jane’s are slightly fuller.

“Yes, I assume you’ve heard of me,” He asked slightly guarded at the mention of his sister. Remembering how close Jane is with Alec I know he must be defensive of her and not wanting to anger him I tried and put his mind at ease.

“Yes, although I know only of what Jane has mentioned. We’ve gotten quite close over these last few days. Your sister is quite an amazing chess player.” I complimented as I saw his shoulders lose some of the tension although he was still guarded.

“Yes, Janie is quite accomplished in chess. Beating everyone in the castle more than once. Including myself.” He replied

“Yeah, she’s really good. Anyways I’m expected back, so unless you have anyone else to stalk do you want to go back to the castle with?” I asked smiling a little.

Alec, still guarded, let out a tiny smile as he nodded. As I ran next to him I caught myself sneaking glances at him. He’s so different than I imagined.

In my mind, I imagined someone younger, and I admit shorter but the man running next to me is anything but. Although changed at 21 Jane told me they looked far older than they were.

Laughing she told me she remembered being annoyed since she would have had to get married sooner but is thankful for it now since it helps with missions and gaining respect.

Alec, I notice doesn’t look 20 at all. Although I know he is, he looks older than me and I had just turned 19. 

Reaching the castle, Alec, a gentleman I realized, opened the door for me, and as we stepped in, we walked in silence, feeling slight energy between us.

Reaching a break in the hallways he turned to me and said, “It has been a pleasure meeting you Bella; enjoy your stay with us” With that, he took off down the hallway and after losing sight of him I released a breath I didn’t know I was holding.

What a strange man, who follows someone they’ve never met? Shaking my head, I decided to visit the library again, and seeing it empty I go back to the shelf where I spotted Didyme’s book.

Pulling it down and taking a seat at a back table I began to read and the more I read, the more I found myself capitated by her discoveries.

So many recipes, mainly for common annoyances like a balm for your feet when running barefoot. To apply it before running on the bottom of your feet so no small objects make their ways in the crevices of your skin. A problem I’m already familiar with. After my first run barefoot with Edward, I sat picking dirt out of my feet for an hour since washing them did little to nothing.

Remembering the run, it was such a good memory. Edward ever serious just wanted me to get used to my new speed and already bored with it, decided to play a game of tag during the hunt. He was having so much fun and hearing his laughter through the trees I was laughing with him. We stayed out for days like that, with the family eventually joining in.

Esme as it turned out was quite competitive and after being ‘tagged’ by Emmett made it her sole mission to capture him with Emmett using any one of us as shields whenever she got close. I was laughing so hard when he grabbed me and threw me towards Esme. Landing on my feet beside her she just shook her head as she chased him. Even Rosalie and I had a few good moments.

It was a good day.

Feeling my nails in the palms of my hands I shook my head of the memory, coming back to the present.

That was the past and this is the present. The Cullen’s, no matter what they said or how they acted before, showed their true colors when it mattered.

Stomping down the familiar pain in my chest I turned the page, determined to keep my mind off those good memories that have now been tainted.

Seeing Didyme’s recipes though, she truly was an amazing vampire. Reading her antidotes and personal notes, seeing how long it took her to perfect a recipe or notes on how to make it better. I must have sat there for hours, reading her stories, however, the closer to the end of the book, the shorter and more incomplete the pages became.

Her last entry though was the most fascinating, just a single entry about wanting to work on more complex recipes and wanting to protect vampires. There was one more paragraph underneath but was smudged away with just a single number remaining.

_225_

Curious about what this number meant I closed the book and placed it back on the shelf. Taking out my phone and seeing the time I knew I needed to get to the stores before they closed and not wanting to go another day wearing dirty clothes, I filed the mysterious entry in the back of my mind as I went and looked for Jane.

Not finding her in the game room, I went back down the hallway and wondered if she was in her room. Walking quickly to what I thought was her room I knocked quickly before she answered the door.

“Bella, hi” She sounded surprised but not altogether unpleased as she smiled at me and ushered me into her room.

Her room surprised me, with a deep purple and little stars painted on the ceiling. Having her dresser being near the door but her tv being in front of her bed and a desk closest to the window. It was quite feminine and the more I looked, the more I realize it was very Jane.

Smiling at her as she closed the door, she asked “What’s up Bella?”

“I noticed that it was almost twilight and I was wondering if you wanted to go shopping with me?” I asked looking at her as she looked surprised than happy as she nodded her head.

“Yeah, I would love too. Do you mind if Heidi joins us? She loves shopping and I know after been gone so long she might be itching to go.”

“Yeah the more the merrier,” I said smiling as we walked out of her room. Texting quickly, she smiled “Heidi says yes and is even bringing Chelsea. They’ll meet us down in the garage. I think I might see if Alec would want to join as well? I know he needs some new shirts.” She mused to herself before sending another text and smiling she answered, “He’ll come too which means Felix and Dimitri will as well.” Chuckling she turned to me “I guess today is shopping day.”

“I guess so,” I said surprised “Do you all tend to do activities together?” I asked

“Sometimes, if it’s convenient and I know most of the upper guard want to meet you as well. This is a good opportunity to do it.” She admitted

“Yeah, I guess so. I already met your brother” I say shyly watching her reaction 

“Really, you already met Alec? He just got in last night?” She said surprise coloring her voice.

“Yeah, in fact when I went on my hunt this morning, he was following me” I admitted

“Really? Are you sure? I don’t mean to question you, but Alec isn’t known to take interest in people. He tends to be more of a loner.” She said

“Yeah, um, I don’t know why he did; he claims he’s never really seen an animal drinker,” I admit to which Jane shook her head

“My brother tends to be a bit weird, but he means well,” She said looking at me with an interesting look in her eyes.

Turning down another hallway, Jane opened a door leading to a very shiny and clean garage with many expensive cars. By a silver Ferrari is a group of vampires who all turn to us and Dimitri gives a small wave. Beside him I see Alec who stared at me and quickly looked away, frowning at the wall.

What’s his problem?

Two vampires who I’ve never seen before started to walk toward us. One is tall and what I imagined a supermodel would look like. She was stunning, her beauty equaling Rosalie’s as her red hair is pulled up in a very chic updo. The other vampire, gorgeous in her own right, had her long dirty blonde hair loose down her back. They both smiled at us with the red-haired vampire speaking first.

“Hello Bella, my name is Heidi, its nice to finally meet you.” She gave me a warm smile as she gently took my hand as the other vampire who I assume was Chelsea nodded and gave me a small smile. “Hi Bella, I’m Chelsea” She smiled, and although warm, something was off. Her eyes had a hardened edge to them and smiling back, I wasn’t sure what to make of it.

Saying hi to both Felix and Dimitri and a quick hello to Alec who gave me a small nod I stuck close to Jane, my shyness coming back.

“So, are we taking your car or what?” Jane looking at Alec who shrugged as Dimitri quickly spoke up

“I don’t care whose car we’re taking, all I know is that I need a new video game. So, who has the fastest car now?” He looked at Heidi who gave a tired sigh said

“I do, but I just got it, so you don’t get to drive it,” She said glaring at a pouting Dimitri. Chuckling internally, he reminded me of Emmett.

Felix, on the other hand, laughed out loud, taking out his keys and throwing them to Dimitri “Here bro, you drive my car and why don’t you take the girls and I’ll ride with Heidi” Sliding closer to Heidi and throwing his arm around her she giggled as she shook her head.

“Actually, Aro wanted me to use the tour bus today. Apparently, he’s hungry and he isn’t the only one” Looking at everyone’s black eyes except for Heidi, Jane and Alec’s I looked to the ground realizing that she’s going to go hunting.

Uncomfortable with the thought of riding with humans, I try and find an excuse to get out of it when Alec suddenly spoke up 

“How about Heidi, you take Chelsea, Dimitri, and Felix and I’ll take Jane and Bella in my car. Since we all already ate, we can just come back.”

“Everyone okay with that?” He asked casually and at everyone’s agreement, I followed Jane to Alec’s car. A black sleek tesla. I quickly got into the back seat and watch as Jane climbs upfront.

“You don’t want the front, Bella?” She asked quizlike

Shooting a quick glance at Alec as he looked straight ahead I answered “It’s okay, I’m fine back here”

“If you’re sure” Turning forward as the car purred to life.

Biting my lip, I nodded my head trying my best not to stare at her brother. Something was just, I don’t know I couldn’t put my finger on it, but... off. Plus, he wasn’t that eager to talk with me this morning. Alec to his credit completely ignored us as Jane turned around and started talking to me, peppering me with questions about what stuff I wanted and offering me the names of stores on where I could get the best deals and items.

The car ride was short and before I knew it, we were at the mall. With everyone getting off and doing their own thing, I stuck with Jane as Alec, staying with us for a while, drifted to a music store leaving me alone with Jane.

We talked amongst ourselves, laughing quietly at our jokes as I shopped for new jeans, skirts, tops, shoes and accessories. Shopping with Jane was a lot easier than shopping with Alice as we had the same tastes and making quick work on what we liked and her offering things I would like but not forcing me to try things on.

It was nice and after getting almost everything I needed plus a few things for herself, Jane wanted to check out a designer store and wanting to check out a bookstore we parted ways.

Walking in, it was nice, with people reading quietly to themselves and others milling about. Checking out the YA section I got wind of Alec’s scent and peeking around a bookshelf I saw him looking at different sketchbooks.

Not realizing I was there I continued to watch, his strong hands moving over the glossy pages, his stance relaxed, his brow furrowed in concertation, his lips in a thin line.

He really was handsome, even if he was a little weird. Smiling, satisfied at what he found I quickly made my way back to the young adult section picking up a random book before he saw me.

Crossing the store, I made my way to the journaling section and went through the different journals, liking a simple lather bound journal with a rose on the front.

Taking it, I looked around and saw that Alec must have already left. Paying quickly, I received a text from Jane asking if I was finished. 

Replying, back, I’ll meet them at the car I start making my way over. Why couldn’t have I just said hi to him? I mean he was right there and it’s not like he couldn’t smell me? Shaking my head at my stupidity, I saw everyone by the cars and Jane before I could get a chance slides in the back smiling smugly at me.

Rolling my eyes, I got in the front as Alec slides in next to me. When the doors closed the energy is back. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Alec, knit his brows together as pushed his lips together not looking too happy at this recent development.

Jane, looking between the two of us confused, looked at me then at Alec. Feeling awkward, I broke the silence and asked her if she found anything interesting.

We chatted all the way home, while Alec stayed silent; his hands tightening on the steering wheel every so often.

When we finally returned, he quickly got out of the car, and taking most of the bags out he walked quickly ahead of us, talking with Felix and Dimitri.

Seeing him quickly walk away I couldn’t help the sting of rejection that hit me. I guess he didn’t like me very much. I know it was impossible for everyone to like me, but it seemed that the rest of the guards didn’t have a problem with me.

Biting my lip, I turn to Jane who, still looking at Alec, well glaring, she turned to me and gave me a quick smile though it doesn’t reach her eyes.

Walking in, I grabbed my bags and walked to my room trying hard not to think of Alec and failing miserably.

It wasn’t until after I put away everything did Felix find me offering to play video games. Jumping at the chance to get my mind off things I followed him to the game room where I saw Dimitri setting things up; Chelsea sitting ready with a controller in her hands. Giving me a quick smile, she goes back to setting up her controller while I see Heidi and Renata talking with themselves in the corner painting each other’s nails. Jane came in just then, looking quite unhappy but upon seeing everyone changed her expression quickly but not before I saw her hiding it.

Something had upset her.

Before I had the chance to talk with her, a controller was thrust in my hands by a grinning Dimitri, and Jane, sitting beside me, joined in.

We played all night and most of the day and it wasn’t long for Jane’s smile to turn genuine. Still, I wondered why she was so unhappy but for now, I’ll let it go and just add it to the ever-growing file in the back of my mind.


	6. I Don't Wanna Break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need to start updating chapters and I want to be on the same schedule as I am on fanfic so I will be uploading every other day until the schedule matches up. Regular postings will then be on Mondays :) 
> 
> Enjoy!

Not long after the shopping trip and the games that followed, I never had a moment alone. In the weeks that followed Dimitri and Felix constantly wanted to play video games, and talking books with Chelsea (who I figured might have been having a bad day when I met her), hanging out with Jane, picking a chess game every other night I slowly started feeling like I was being incorporated into the guard who, much like Marcus said, is very much like a big family.

I even noticed more of the others approaching Jane more which I knew was making her happy; she was able to have more friends, especially when they were her family.

Now if only her biological family were as easy.

I haven’t spoken or even seen Alec since he so swiftly said his goodbyes that day and it’s been over three weeks. If I didn’t know any better, I would say he was avoiding me, as to why I had no idea. I wanted to talk to Jane about it but I didn’t know how to approach it. ‘Hey Jane, I think your brother is avoiding me, and it's kind of hurting my feelings, but I don’t know why it's hurting my feelings or why he’s avoiding me if he’s avoiding me at all.’

Even to my own head, it sounds desperate and the last thing I wanted was trouble, especially since I was getting along so well with everyone. Well almost everyone.

Every time he crossed my mind, I just feel confused all over again, plus I hate to admit it, a little hurt. I didn’t do anything to offend him, at least I don’t think I did. I just wish he could just tell me. I’m friends with his sister, I don’t want to be at odds with her brother. I wanted him to like me. I hate it because I don’t know why I want him to like me, but at least be cordial. Is that too much to ask? Plus, I really don’t want to approach it with Jane. 

As fate would have it though, I didn’t have to approach it at all. Literally Fate I believe stepped in.

Almost everyone was out on a mission and having a few moments to myself I decided to explore the castle. Going the opposite way of all the familiar hallways I soon found myself seeing a small door hidden by a pillar.

Curiosity piquing, I opened it and found myself struggling, pulling harder and slowly stepping in a run-down, dusty hallway.

I could tell no one has been in here for a long time and walking down the darkening corridor I spotted another door on the side and pulling it open I gasped at what I found. 

A room, obviously abandoned, was quite beautiful. The ceiling was made completely out of glass, with small raindrops poking through. All the walls were mirrored, and the grass was warm. The most amazing thing was a huge tree that was planted in the middle of the room with the top sprouting out of the top with the ceiling being built around it.

Walking forward I could see old and rotting pages and books on the floor, their pages illegible from time and the raindrops breaking free from the tree.

Exploring a little more however something even more surprising caught me off guard.

Alec’s scent is here and as I walked more I saw none other than Alec himself down at the base of the tree looking at me, surprise coloring his features.

Oh shit.

“Um, hi,” I say, awkwardly not sure what else to say.

The surprise quickly left his face like a mask of indifference replaced it.“Hello,” He says not moving but his ruby-red eyes watching me closely.

“Um, sorry I didn’t know you were here,” I said, internally facepalming myself. Well duh, he knew that otherwise, I wouldn’t be here.

Still looking at me and feeling uncomfortable I looked around the room, anywhere but him and somehow, I started talking and didn’t stop.

“It’s beautiful here, I had no idea this place existed. I can’t imagine why anyone would ignore such a place” Then remembering he didn’t ignore it I backtracked “well almost everyone, I mean you’re here so obviously a beautiful place like this hasn’t been forgotten” I rambled wringing my hands together

“It seems perfect to sit and think and have some time to yourself – “Looking back at him he raised an eyebrow and embarrassing myself I softly mumbled “Which I see you're doing, um, well were doing without my interruption so I’ll leave, uh nice seeing you” Turning I started walking before I heard him call after me

“You don’t have to go”

Turning quickly and not able to hide my surprise I simply said “What?”

“You don’t have to go” He repeated himself “Quite frankly I found this place by accident myself which I’m guessing is how you were able to find it?” He questioned

“Yeah, I was exploring the castle and came upon it,” awkwardly I stood staring at the wall behind him.

“Yeah,” He said, looking a little awkward himself

Deciding to come closer, I sat a few ways from him and crossed my legs. I noticed bunched up paper beside him and getting a closer look I saw his sketchpad from the bookstore beside him as well as some pencils and pens.

“You like to draw,” I asked nodding to his belongings

“Yes, it’s a hobby I’ve come to enjoy,” he said stiffly

Nodding I offered “I like to read, sometimes write.” I shrug looking at him.

“That sounds nice,” He mumbled 

“yeah”

We both looked away from each other, each looking at anything but one another and growing tired of the avoidance game I sighed and decided to just ask what his problem is. However, before I could say anything, he beat me to it

“Bella, I feel that I owe you an apology.” He started his red eyes gleaming “I haven’t been the friendliest person towards you, and I wanted to apologize. Especially since you and my sister get along so well. I admit, that my first impression could have been better and my behavior towards you wasn’t very kind and for that I'm sorry” He explained as he looked at me. 

“Why were you avoiding me though? Did I do something to offend you? I questioned

Shaking his head, he goes “No, no you haven’t done anything. It’s my fault really” He said quickly and looking out the window he quietly goes “To be honest, I don’t know why I avoided you. Your different” 

Not knowing how to reply to that I whispered “You're different too”

Staying quite and getting lost in our thoughts I couldn’t help see his shoulders losing some of their tension and almost on impulse I saw him grab his sketchbook as he began to draw. The pencil stroked the paper expertly as the picture slowly came to life. It’s the window with rain slowly coming down the glass looking so realistic and the plant life surrounding it. It takes him seconds to complete it and when done he sets it on the ground next to me, his eyes still looking forward.

“It’s beautiful,” I admired “You truly have amazing talent” I complimented looking at all the strokes and the shading. He has a lot of talent, he’s a good artist.

“Thank you,” he said softly “You can keep that if you want? I’ve drawn dozens already”

“Really” I smiled as he carefully tore it out of the book and handed it to me; our fingers brushed slightly and the electricity sparked. The same complete feeling came like the first time I saw him in the clearing.

“Thank you” I whispered and cradling the paper gently I placed it in my lap.

“Your welcome,” he said as he gathered his supplies and placed them in a neat pile. Not wanting to lose his company I hastily asked

“Would you like to play a game of chess?”

With a look of hidden surprise, I heard “Sure”

He shruged and getting up he offered me his hand. As I grasped his the shock flew through me and my hand lingered a moment longer before I dropped it to my side. As he walked beside me, the energy was more prominent, and I was all too aware of his body beside mine.

His hand felt too right in mine, the strength in how carried himself and how his eyes were the deepest red I have ever seen but there was something else too, the sadness in them. Alec had his own secrets just like I had mine.

Walking out of the little sanctuary Alec whispered “Do you mind keeping this place a secret? It’s the one place where things are quiet and I’d prefer that the less people knew about it, the better” He gave a smile and I nodded my head; our own little secret. I quite liked that. 

Walking back, I asked to make a quick stop at my room to put away the drawing. Opening my door, I noticed Alec stood at the edge of the door very stiffly. Almost like he needed to be invited in. 

“You can come in” I smiled “Or do I did I need to invite you in first? Since vampires need to be invited in anywhere new” I chuckled as he gave me a soft smile and place the drawing in the top drawer of my desk I noticed him looking at my framed picture of my parents. I found it in the second pocket of my backpack and for a moment I was thankful Alice packed a picture of them.

“Those are my parents,” I said quietly coming up behind him, I saw his eyes flicker from the photo to me. “I look more like my mom face wise, but I got my dad’s hair color and personality”

“You look a lot like them,” He observed turning away from the picture with an odd look.

“Do you remember much of your human life” I asked boldly, as we exited my room.

“Barely” He whispered “Although I’m grateful I don’t remember much. My human life wasn’t a very happy one I’m afraid” his eyes hardening and sensing a delicate topic I dropped it; filing it away for later.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” I said as I put my hand on his shoulder wanting to offer some type of comfort. He relaxed slightly under my touch but tensed as he moved forward, making my hand drop back to my side.

“Well it’s over and done with” He dismissed it with a shake of his head and as we entered the room, I was happy to see that it was empty.

Happy? Did I want to be alone with Alec? Yes, yes, I did. I very much wanted to be alone with this man and his hot and cold persona. Why I don’t know and pushing those feelings down I threw them into the sea of abyss inside me and ignore it. I didn’t have time to get involved with a would-be crush or flirtation or any kind of romance. I just met this man, I don’t know what kind of person he is other than complicated and I don’t want to get involved with another complicated man of any type. No again. 

Dropping my eyes Alec pulled out the chair for me and with a soft "thank you" he took his own seat and proceeded to set up the board as I helped.

With each piece we set up, my fingers brushed him and I noticed that he intentionally placed pieces where my fingers would meet his. I don’t know why that tidbit of information made me overjoyed. Ecstatic even. Each touch sent a small thrill through me and I felt I was being electrocuted and it was not unpleasant. I found I wanted him to touch my hand more and hated myself for it each time. 

Biting my lip, I pushed those thoughts away. He was simply being kind. I was his sisters’ friend after all. He had a type of responsibility to be nice to me. That thought sent a pain to my chest and I sucked in a deep breath not expecting that wave of emotion. Stop it brain!

“Are you alright” He asked, concern peeking through

“I’m fine, just lost in my thoughts,” I said, not totally untrue

“Is it about the Cullen boy?” He asked and my eyes shot to him as he looked at me, an unreadable emotion in his eyes.

“Not quite, although it does have something to do with it,” I said honestly, thinking about him and the Cullen’s.

“What did he do to you?” He asks a hint of anger in his voice

Looking away from his intense stare, I tried to find the words to answer his question. Betray me? Yes. Lie to me? Yes. Hurt me more than I could imagine, also yes, but as far as what he did to me?

He eventually told me the truth, but he could have handled it better. Then again, I could have handled it better too. We all could but it doesn’t excuse what he did, what they all did. I knew what I was getting myself into by loving Edward, I just figured he loved me back. What a fantastic lie that was. Then again, he did love me, I think, in his own way but it still hurts. I mean if I didn’t love him it wouldn’t hurt this much, still right?

Looking back at him and seeing his eyes, the emotion in them I opened my mouth and was surprised by what came out.

* * *

**Alec**

“I don’t know how to answer that honestly. When I was human the feelings, I had for him seemed too much. That he seemed too much, and our relationship was always too much. He was better than me in all regards; stronger, faster, smarter. I felt like I was always trying to keep up, but I was enough, that even if he didn’t want me changed that I was still enough…somehow, in my own way.” She whispered, more to herself than to me. Tears started to brim her eyes and I was felt an urge to wipe them away. 

For a moment, the walls that she kept around herself came down and I saw how much damage that idiot boy inflicted on her. She seemed lost, confused, and above all defeated. Her eyes held no life and my dead heart ached for her. Wanting to assure her, to comfort her as she did in the hallway, I wanted to grasp her hand and tell her all the beauty that I see.

But I didn’t. 

It’s not my place. This woman in front of me has been through much and the last thing I wanted to do was confuse her and to confuse myself.

She looked at me then and her eyes were shining, the pain and confusion evident until she blinked, and the walls had returned.

“When I had changed, it was…not the best of circumstances” She flinched at the memory and looked down at the board, moving her pawn and starting the game.

“I wish it was different, I wish it didn’t happen that way it did, but I don’t regret becoming one. I was finally equal. I was the same. I was enough.” She said with a haunted look, she was moving her pieces without reason as I matched her, not seeing where I was putting them. Listening as she took several deep breathes.

“I was enough…until I wasn’t” She said, so softly I could barely hear it.

“Edward, Edward never loved me. At least not the way I loved him. It was a different type of love and I don’t know if it was good or bad.” She said looking at me, her golden eyes haunted. “But it was enough to know that love isn’t simple. That love is both terrifying and exhilarating.” She took another breath before turning towards me.

“Have you ever been in love?” She asked suddenly her face questioning

“No, and I don’t think I ever want to be,” I answered. Yes, at one point in my life I wanted a mate, I wanted to feel the love I see in mate’s eyes, but I would never want to be so vulnerable. To break and lose everything about myself. I've seen too much in my years to ever be that broken. To be that weak, to lose yourself for another, and do things that defied reason. Not after what happened. 

No, a mate isn’t for me and as I stared into her eyes, I saw a vary of emotions at my words.

“Maybe your one of the lucky ones to have never felt love’s sting but everyone deserves the chance to feel loved by someone.” She continued, “Because even though Edward hurt me, I wouldn’t trade what I had with him and everything I experienced for anything.” She said with conviction and I almost growled at the love she has for him.

“Well, he didn’t deserve your love. A man who throws away anything, especially a woman he claims to love is childish and stupid” I said angrily, to angry I must say.

Surprised she looked down with a small smile.

“I supposed so, I do believe that our love was in some ways, childish. We did without thinking, we jumped without looking. I was so desperate to be equal with him, to be enough for him I was willing to sacrifice everything I had to be with him. Including coming into the lion’s den to save him, to save us” She looked at me, quirking her brow and I scoffed. Lion's den indeed.

“However, that shouldn’t be how love is. I’ve thought a lot about my relationship with Edward and the Cullen’s and love shouldn’t be hard. At least not that way. When I think of Alice and Jasper and Carlisle and Esme, even Emmett and Rosalie. They were, they are, I don’t know really” She said confusion in her eyes “what they are to me now, but they were important, and they loved each other fiercely and easily. It never seemed forced or troubling or dramatic to love each other. They just did. When I think of my parents and the love they had for each other, their marriage was hard; mom always told marriage is always hard but with the right person the burden of love is easier to carry and it wouldn’t seem like a burden at all or at the very least you wouldn’t mind carrying it. I wanted a love like my parents: Strong, fierce, forever. I was so desperate for it I fell for the first love I ever had and in turn, I ended up falling hard. I’m still recovery actually”

She smiled sadly as she moved her rook, capturing me and after a quick look around the board, I must move my king to end the game. With a good-natured sigh, I surrendered and as she moved her queen she ended the game “checkmate”

Chuckling I was impressed. Janie said she was a good chess player but no one, besides Jane, could beat me even if I went easy on them.

“Good game” I put out my hand for her to take and as her small hand-molded into mine it felt warm and soft. Not the cold, hard stone I’m used to. It seemed that whenever I touched her, I crave her more.

Not wanting to stay anymore I quickly left, although it pained me to do so and made my way out of the game room. Trying to ignore her shocked and hurt expression, I made my escape to my room where I quickly closed the door. Never in my existence had a creature like her plagued my mind so. Never has anything exhibited such a response from me. I wasn’t used to it. Not being able to control my emotions or my mind.

Ever since the first day she came into my life. She was a defenseless human, fragile, and weak. I understood the concept of death. The reason for it, the reason behind it, why some would want to seek for it. I knew there are vampires who grew bored with this life and asked us to end it. In mercy we grant it.

However, when that Cullen boy came here asking for death over a human girl of all things, I must admit, it made me falter. On top of that when we heard of her coming into our city with his sister I was in slight disbelief. Who was she, thinking she could save _him_ from _us_?

When Aro sent Janie, myself, and Felix down to retrieve them, one look at her and it felt like my heart could beat again. Her pale skin, her eyes meeting mine, those terrified brown orbs scared of us. Of me. It made me ache to think she thought of me so. That I could hurt her. In truth I didn’t want to hurt any of them, not that I cared but that it would be a waste of time and talent; but justice had to be served. I was lenient with the animal drinkers, their way of life although strange, had me curious.

Carlisle’s way of being was fascinating and his ideas were intriguing, the two of us having long nights in the library discussing our very nature and the idea of right vs. wrong. Than to see one of his children coming to us wanting death and finding, possibly the one human who would join him in this life to spare him of it.

So, when I went on a mission with Heidi it was expected, do patrols of our lands and keep everything running smoothly. Of course, the six-month journey is annoying but when I came back only to have word that Cullen clan’s human has returned a vampire and without the Cullen’s it had me curious. I was also happy (and a bit shocked) that Janie warmed to the girl.

Although Jane is two minutes older, she’s my Janie, my big sister who I look out for. I knew it bothered her to have so little friends here, unlike me who enjoyed the company of my thoughts, Jane liked people. So, when she excitedly told me she made a friend in the Swan girl I was happy for her and wanting to meet the woman I came to her door only to hear her soft prayers.

The longing and sadness in her voice, asking God to look over her in this terrifying place. I decided to not bother her and retreated to my room. I knew then that her story with the Cullen’s wasn’t a happy one.

When I did see her again, I saw that she had indeed, changed. Gone was the frightened human girl but here was a true beauty. A woman who has come to face her actions, to prove to us that she was, indeed, stronger than she looked but there was something different about her. Her eyes were darker, she didn’t have the same lightness around her, and I could tell that she carried a heaviness on her shoulders. 

I had wanted to speak to Marcus only to have discovered her heavenly scent, so intoxicating I could barely focus. I’m sure Marcus noticed but wanting to spare me kept quiet. Following this new scent only to discover her, going out the far east entrance and curiosity overtaking me, decide to follow her.

She was lethally beautiful as she hunted and seeing her I finally gave in to see what all the hype was about. I took part once she was a good distance away.

It wasn’t so revolting, and I was surprised that my strength stayed the same. Deciding to keep following her I hid behind a tree as she slowly walked around, her eyes shifting until she called me out.

Giving up my location she was not what I was expecting. Warm and gentle while also having a patience about her and genuine admiration when she talked about my sister. I could see why she liked her so.

She was very interesting to put it lightly. When Janie asked if I was going to go shopping with them, I said yes, instead of my usual reluctance. I blamed it on wanting some new art supplies, which wasn’t a total lie although I don’t know why I would make up that kind of excuse.

I faked indifference; simply watching, noticing every little thing she does. I knew she followed me into the bookstore, I could sense her before I saw her, hiding behind rows of shelves watching me pick out a new sketchbook. I let it slide, since I knew technically, I followed her first, yet it felt strangely…nice to know that she wanted to see what I was doing. 

It was both flattering and not wanted. Even though these feelings of flirtation lingered I hated how I couldn’t control them. How I couldn’t get her off my mind and how I constantly seemed to lose myself around her. It was all too much. So, in my cowardice I avoided her. Whenever I knew I might encounter her I went the other direction. Going out of my way to not even see her.

I knew it was making Janie upset yet I couldn’t bring myself to face her. I had to persevere, yet it hurt to know I was hurting both. Evident to me when Janie burst in my room demanding to know why I have been treating her new friend so rudely. Listening to her rant, her common saying I’m okay to be by self but she likes her, and I must apologize and on and on she goes. I love my sister, but she can be annoying when she wants to be.

Why couldn’t I just go back to normal? Or better yet, why did that woman even have to enter our lives? Turning everything upside down and having me question things that were so solid to me a year ago.

Then above all else when I escaped to my sanctuary, the place no one in the castle even knows is there, she finds it on her first try. The shocked expression on both of our faces must have been comical, with her stammering and nervous movement looking at anything else but me.

When she started to leave though I involuntarily told her to stay, kicking myself when she smiled and took the invitation. 

Fulfilling my promise to Jane I apologized to the woman, letting out more than I intended we ended up having a nice, although awkward conversation. It was quite nice having her by my side, her gentle presence soothing something inside me as I began to sketch the window, with the gentle rain and the still pond in front of us.

I could tell she was impressed by my artistic ability and confirmed my thoughts. I’ve been complimented before of course but coming from her it made me feel proud.

Continuing our evening I was further surprised by her intelligence, besting me in my favorite game. Granted I wasn’t playing at my full skill, I admit, she wasn’t either.

She was full of surprises and I found with every touch, the warmth intensified until I purposely tried to have her fingers brush mine, if only for a moment to have that fleeting moment fall over me than chastising myself for wanting it so. Every moment I spent with her I wanted more. More of her company, her touch, her smiles and her laugh. She doesn’t laugh enough, and I wish she would.

It’s frustrating! One part of myself longing for her company while the other chastises for wanting it so. She was just another vampire, intrigued by the mystery of our family and no doubt soothing her heart. 

Not that I completely blamed her. The haunted, broken look she had whenever she talked about that Cullen boy reminds me why I avoided and feared the power of losing yourself to another.

Although some find success in their endeavors, like her human parents who she shows great love for, its evident in the way she speaks of them, the fall of love when no one is there to catch you isn’t worth the pain it takes to find a mate. Anyone who does and feels love’s sting is foolish. Knowing the consequences of a so-called love fizzles out.

No, I’m certain that avoidance of the topic is best. Which is why I must guard myself so carefully. I’ve seen how simple glance, a small fancy can turn a person into a zombie for Aphrodite’s blessing as the Greeks called it. 

I needed to be close to her, but I needed to get away from her. It was a conundrum of my own making and I hated myself for it every day.


	7. Last Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So....it's been a minute. My plan of uploading every other day didn't exactly pan out lol. I'm sorry for being away so long but as most of you know 2020 was a lot. It took its toll on me and this story. However, I promise to do better. Starting today I will be posting every day until the story is at its current chapter. I hope you all enjoy it! 
> 
> also to note: All the characters have been aged up 
> 
> Alice is 22  
> Jasper is 25  
> Bella is 19  
> Edward is 19  
> Alec is 21  
> Jane is 21

It’s been three months since I’ve been welcomed to stay in the Volturi and three months since my big blowup with Alice and Edward.

The calendar that I regretfully bought, mocked me from my wall as the date stared me on. I look at my phone, the same phone Alice had given me, which lied on my dresser and it mocked me too.

I knew Alice’s number is programmed in. I also knew Jake’s number is in there as well. I knew that all I would need to do is send a simple one-worded text. I also knew how hard that one text would be to send.

Three months of silence.

I knew she could have texted me too. I don’t know if Jake knew what happened but for my sanity, I would say no. I know my friend and I know he would have tried to stop me from going into the lion’s den. I mean he was a shapeshifter whose sworn duty was to protect his people from creatures like me.

Except, I know he knew what I am now. A few weeks after my transformation I received a very angry visit from both Jake and Leah. First yelling (loudly I might add) about how I couldn’t have thrown away my life for anything. Then tears (mostly from Jake) about how if none of them had gotten to me in time I wouldn’t be here, and he couldn’t handle losing his sister. Then, finally, laughter. Jake and his infectious humor had us all laughing about the fun we could have together.

Safe to say that didn’t happen.

I bet on anything Alice was giving me space. We didn’t leave on the best of terms and I’m sure the family was following her example.

I especially knew that Edward wasn't going to call me. Now whether I want him to or not is a different story because I didn't even know the answer.

Staring back at the calendar, then to the phone, I knew a lot of things, and one of those things is I don’t know a lot more.

Why did Alice say what she did?

Why did none of them put up a fight?

I mean it’s a good thing, I guess that they didn’t since I fit well here. Or I guess I fit in as well as I can at least, but it seems too perfect. Too much of a setup. Of course, I just might be paranoid.

Then there was Alec. He was so hot and cold. One moment he seemed to care than the next he treats me like I’m the plague? Can vampires get whiplash? I’m not sure.

Jane doesn’t seem to understand her brother’s deal any more than I can. “Alec is pretty much Alec. He likes to keep things to himself and this is one of them. I told him to be nice to you, but he does what wants.” Jane said when I approached her about it over our weekly game of chess. “Frankly, I don’t know why he’s being so rude, he even doesn’t want to talk to me.” Her hint of sadness told me it hurts more than she let on and now only am I frustrated for my sake but for hers as well.

Jane’s his sister and although it’s fine to treat me like crap, not his sister. Honestly, I would talk to him but he’s back to avoiding me. That’s fine, I guess, he can do whatever he wanted.

If he wanted to be emo then fine, I don’t want to deal with another moody, complicated man. So once our game was done and Jane went off to talk to Aro about an upcoming mission I came to my room to escape from my thoughts of Alec, I started to think about Edward, followed by Alice then Jake, and the cycle repeated itself.

So here I am, on my bed, knees up to my chest as I stared at the wall. The date and my phone mocking me and not being able to take it anymore, I stood from my bed and went to the place I knew I’ll be properly distracted.

The library is quiet, with no one in here and I quickly made my way to the familiar shelf and grabbing the book, and made my way to my usual corner. Away from the doors and in the little corner, the table hidden by the pillar.

Flipping through Didyme’s book I stopped at the pages where they begin to be incomplete. Her handwriting wasn’t as elegant as the other recipes, not as neat or orderly but more scrambled and harsher than the others; like she was in s rush to put it all down.

Every time I go through this book, it becomes more obvious that she was working on something, something big. I wonder if any of the others knew about this. I mean I’m sure they did but the amount of dust that was on the book when I first picked it up means that no one had looked through it for quite some time. I wonder why Marcus didn’t?

Didyme was his mate and it was obvious by the way he talks about her, he loved her very much, still loves her I would say. Maybe it was too painful for him? I’m sure it would bring a lot of unhappy memories. I sure as hell wasn’t going to ask him or any of the Kings for that matter, but I could ask someone who was there.

Closing the book and placing it back on the shelf, I hurry to the one person I could talk to. She was probably in her room. Walking down the hallway I spot her door and knocking once I enter to find her on the sofa reading.

“Hey, Bella, what’s up?” Jane asks not taking her eyes off her book. 

“Hey, Jane,” I say as walk over to her sitting beside her. “Hey” I start off sounding nervous even to me

“Can I ask you something a little weird?” I say hesitantly

“If it’s about my brother I’m no help, he doesn’t talk to me about his personal stuff,” She says smirking at me.

Surprised I shake my head. Do I really ask about him that much that her automatic answer is Alec?

“Yeah you do,” She says laughing quietly 

Embarrassed that I asked that question out loud, I look towards the wall and purse my lips as Jane continues to laugh.

“Oh, Bella it's fine. I think it's sweet. Besides he asks about you all the time” She says coyly bumping me with her elbow.

Now that shocked me to my core. He hasn’t bothered to say hello to me when we’re in the same vicinity and now he asks about me? For a moment I forget what I was going to ask her, and my focus is on this new information. 

“Really? Well, that’s surprising” I say keeping my eyes hidden.

“Yeah” Jane chuckles “That’s Alec for you. Full of surprises. So, if you weren’t going to ask about him what did you want to ask me” She looks at me smiling, and thinking back to my original question I try and find the best way to ask it.

“Jane” I start off slowly “I’ve been reading a lot about our history and I keep seeing a name pop up. Marcus’s mate, Didyme” When I say her name, Jane’s good mood suddenly vanishes, and her smile turns into a deep frown. Nodding somberly Jane whispers

“The Lost Queen.”

“Yes,” I say matching her tone “I learned that she died during the battle of Volterra but that’s all I know about her. I was wondering if you happened to know more or if you knew her?” I asked looking at her carefully as her shoulders slumped and her head falls. As if the very subject is heavy on her shoulders.

“I don’t mean to upset you, I just, this isn’t something I don’t think I should ask Marcus or the other kings about since it seems rather…sensitive,” I say trying to find the right word.

Sighing she nods her head and looking at me her eyes were heavy and held a pain I haven’t seen from her. “Yes, that’s wise. Marcus doesn’t like to talk about it too much, she was his mate, and Aro well, she was his sister. The Kings don’t talk about it so neither do we. In fact, I wouldn’t advise you asking anyone else about this” She warns, looking at me gravely. “You’re my friend Bella and if you're going to be staying with us, you deserve to know about her but, don’t ask anyone else. It’s a hard topic, I mean if Aro is the head and Caius is the muscle then Marcus and Didyme were the heart of the Volturi.” She says sadly. “But Yeah I knew her. She was a magnificent queen. I was honored to serve her” Jane smiles, pride in her sad smile.

“What was she like Jane?” I ask 

“She was...special.” Jane says thinking and smiling at her memories “Didyme was very gentle, always wanting to make things better, make us better, make herself better as well. Yet she knew just what to say to pick us up even if it required tough love. She was very similar to Aro in regard to always wanting to push forward. Finding the next great. Whatever that may be. However, where Aro searches for new talent, Didyme always searched in how to grow that talent.” Jane explained “Aro may have the gift knowing any thought, Didyme knew any and all capabilities that vampire could do. She knew how to make them better. It was quite amazing.” Jane says, admiration showing in her eyes.

“Oh, and Marcus, Marcus was absolutely devoted to her. They made quite a match. Marcus always quiet, always thinking while Didyme was a talker. She could talk about anything and everything and Marcus would just sit there and listen to her happily.” Jane chuckles softly remembering, her eyes drifting off.

“When Carlisle came to visit and stayed with us, he also grew very close to Didyme. They had similar interests you know and the same ideas about philosophy. It was Carlisle who managed to convince her to go hunting with him a few times and even after he left, she kept at it; hunting animals whenever the urge hit her.” 

“She was amazing, I just wish I had more time to know her” She sighs sadly “I only knew her about a century before the war broke out. I was assigned to protect Aro’s wife while Alec was assigned to protect Didyme. Out of the both of us, he was the one that knew her best, and unfortunately, he was the one who took it the hardest when she died” Jane says, biting her lip before looking fiercely at me.

“It wasn’t his fault by the way,” She says angrily, looking at the wall. “Before the battle, all of the guards were ordered to reassign, including Alec and me. In battles like that; our roles are defensive, to protect our family until the end but Alec refused. He wanted to protect her, but he had to move and there was so much fighting. It was hard to keep track of anybody. By the time the battle was over, no one could find her and there was so much ash everywhere……we searched for days but we didn’t find any trace of her. It was Caius who finally decreed her dead since Marcus nor Aro would stop looking so that they could both grieve properly” Jane whispered, her voice getting smaller with each word, her face haunted.

Wanting to keep her out of that horrible memory I asked something that caught my ear “Wait, wait you said that Carlisle visited first? Before the battle?”

“Yes” She blinked and looked at me her eyes clear

“Well, how can that be right? I thought the battle of Volterra was the last battle of Aro’s rebellion?” I asked confused

“What no, the battle of Volterra was the last battle to quench the Romanian rebellion. There was Aro’s rebellion but that took place centuries before I even came to join the guard and when I did the last of the Romanians and anyone loyal to them took up their own rebellion.” Jane explained

“Where did you hear that information? It was the other way around” Jane laughs looking questioning at me and deciding to keep it to myself responded “I guess I must have misread it somewhere” I say chuckling

“Well, regardless, the past is the past and no one can change it. All we can do is move on” Jane says before picking her book back up. Getting up I ask playfully

“I’m actually going to go hunting, care to join me, Jane?” I ask with the sweetest smile on my face as she scrunches her nose.

“Ugh! Pass! The smell is revolting and unless you really want me too and I mean you desperately want my company I’ll decline” She says, her attitude picking up with the old Jane reappearing. Laughing at her antics I wave goodbye before she says

“Ask my brother, he’s expressed interest in hunting animals before, see if he’s not being weird and ask if he wants to go with you.” She says, with a shit-eating grin and I throw a pillow at her before I leave.

I can hear her laughing all the way down the hallway as I shake my head.

Like that’s going to happen.

* * *

Running underneath the trees and as I saw the darkening skies I let my mind wander about my conversation with Jane.

If what she told me is true, which I don’t doubt seeing Jane has any reason to lie to me, why would Marcus say it was Aro’s rebellion instead of the Romanians? I doubt Marcus would forget which side it was, considering his personal loss connected with it. Why would he try and mislead me?

Plus, Didyme’s book, the missing notes, the mysterious last page, and the smudged wording with the mysterious number. Having memorized the wording I think back to the last page.

_For the ever-growing knowledge of our race and the security of our species, this new discovery would change our histories forever. I shall hope that I may get the chance to the steps to pursue it._

_225_

What could she mean? The whole thing seems rather confusing. It seems the more I discover the more questions I have. Sighing and wanting to make this hunt quick, I finished off my meal, and but realized I had company. What was he doing? 

“Alec, will you please not do that,” I ask turning around as he jumps from the tree looking sheepish at being caught.

“Sorry” Is all he says, bringing his hand up and moving his hair out of his face.

“Why did you follow me again?” I ask, frustration in my voice

Still looking sheepish “I was curious, about the diet and since you were going hunting, I figured it looked less suspicious if I went along” For the first time I see his eyes as they have a lighter hue of red in them, with a slight line of deep orange around the iris.

“You hunted animals?” I say shocked as he takes a defensive stance, crossing his arms and letting out a huff.

“You’re one to be surprised and yes I, indeed hunted animals. They are not as bad as one can be led to believe, and I did it in the name of science. I’ve been curious” He says again and this time his eyebrows knit together as he avoids my eyes.

He was embarrassed.

Smiling, deciding to go easy on him I say “It’s okay Alec, you don’t need to defend yourself with me. I think it's great that you're trying something new. In the name of science of course,” I smirk as he looks at me, his tense posture loosening.

Letting out a small breath he says quietly “well yes, I think so as well.” He says moving closer to me. “What were you thinking so heavily about?” He asks

“Oh, nothing really. Just….” Stammering trying to find an excuse as he stares at me, his light red eyes looking into my amber ones.

“Just?” He says softly moving closer to me.

“Just different things I guess” I whisper as he stands right in front of me as we continue to look at one another, our gazes never wavering.

“Hm, what kinds of things,” he asks his voice taking on a lower tone, almost husky.

“Curious things, confusing things” I whisper as he brings his hand up and brushes a strand of hair behind my ear.

He brings his other hand to my arm, grazing it with his fingers, his touch bringing that electricity to my skin. “What do you to me?” He whispers softly “You seem to make me question everything I am,” He asks quietly

“Is that a bad thing?” I ask softly, taking a bold step closer to him, our bodies lightly touching as I bring my hand up to his chest, feeling his still heart under my palm.

“I don’t know” He answers honestly, his eyes holding an internal battle that I can’t see. With a short hiss he breaks our gaze and with a squeeze of my arm hastily takes a few steps back, away from me until we're a good distance apart.

Blinking in surprise, he gives me a weird look before running off, leaving me alone in the forest confused as ever.

* * *

Deciding to walk at a human pace back to the castle thoughts of Alec run through my mind. He treats me so hot and cold. Making me think he wants me, wanting to kiss him than making me think he hates me with how much he seems to want to get away from me.

Then there was Marcus and his…I guess half-truth. Giving me false information on a very important war that resulted in Didyme’s death.

Then there was Didyme herself. She died over a thousand years ago, a mate of one of the kings, a sister of another, and yet her very presence is always on my mind but nowhere to be found. There aren’t any portraits of her anywhere in the castle, no mention of her name except in her written book, plus the most puzzling of all: No one seems to want to talk about it.

Jane seemed very serious and a little scared of the idea of me talking about Didyme to anyone else. Could it have been that bad? That ugly? Jane seemed to have really admired her, loved her even; if you lost someone so close to you wouldn’t you want to remember them? Even Marcus when I first found her book, seemed surprised it was even there.

From Didyme’s mystery to Alec’s puzzling actions the Volturi is not at all at what it appears to be and here I am, brand new, not knowing where my place is, what I or if I mean anything to one of the most influential vampires in the guard, a close friend to another and everything in between.

Sighing I stop and sit down where I stood, not wanting to move anymore, not wanting to think. I just want to forget about everything. Pretend that everything was back to normal.

That I was back at the Cullen’s with Alice talking to me about the newest fashion trend while Jasper sits next to her, ever calm reading one of his history books. Carlisle is up in his study while Esme tends to her garden and Emmett is playing a video game and Rose is tinkering in the garage.

Then there would be Edward. He would be sitting at his piano, composing another brilliant beautiful song while I sit and listen to the music, or we both sit on the couch reading, throwing each other little smiles or catching a glance.

I would visit Jake and Leah; seeing the pack, my extended family. Sam and Emily would have gotten married and might have a child on the way. Jake probing to see how Leah likes marriage and no doubt making Jake sweat. Seth would have started his sophomore year and maybe gained the courage to ask out that girl he was crushing on.

Paul would be moody, but Rachel would calm him down because I beat his ass in dance, dance revolution. Jared would be making jokes as the pack would gather around no doubt for dinner. I would still help Emily in the kitchen (even if I can’t taste anything anymore) and leave happy, Jake even inviting the Cullen’s next time.

Everyone would be happy. Everyone would be content. Everyone gets a happy ending.

“I’m sorry Bella. I know you don’t believe me now, but we had to. We had too to get everyone’s happy ending” Alice said. 

Everyone’s except mine. Is this supposed to be how my story ends? My true love being someone else’s. Constantly being uncertain of another’s feelings. Never knowing where we stand? Am I going to be alone forever? Living a nomadic lifestyle, floating from one place to another without any real purpose? Or to hide in the shadows? Living in a world that wasn’t mine anymore, constantly pretending what I’m not? Hiding who I really am?

What kind of bullshit is this?

Feeling the tears that will never fall I hug myself as I fight the tidal wave of emotion; everything that could have been, the happy memories that would have been made run through my mind like a horror movie. The dream versions of us all, mocking me with their smiles and laughter.

What am I doing here? What am I doing? I need guidance. I need someone. I need help.

With a sigh, I take my phone out of my pocket and before I have a chance to think I hit the number, hearing it ring. 

Once. 

Twice.

So, on the third ring when I decide to hang up, I hear a soft “Hello”

Hesitating since I really didn’t plan this far, I bring it up to my ear as I hear her voice again

“Hi Bella, I’m glad you called”

Silence.

“Listen, I know you probably don’t know what to say right now so I’ll do the talking until you want to talk alright?”

More silence.

“I’m sorry about how we left things. It wasn’t my place to tell you about…what happened with Edward and believe me none of us are happy with him for it. He should have handled it better. Frankly, we should have all handled it better.” She trails off as if thinking back to that day.

I know I am.

“Alice,” I say softly

“Yeah,” She says quickly

“Alice the reason I called wasn’t for pleasantries.” I say, my voice hoarse “The reason I called, I guess, to be honest, I – I don’t know what I’m doing.” I confess 

“Alice before I left, you told me something and I can’t stop thinking about it. You told me about having to tell me, to get everyone’s happy ending. That there are things happening that are bigger than just relationship troubles.” I say shakily, grabbing the hem of my blouse nervously.

“Look I know things were bad, in fact, things are still bad, but Alice I don’t know anymore. I thought that becoming one of you, being like you. Being like him. Being with him would solve everything but it hasn’t. I think it just might have made things worse. And – Taking a deep breath “and you were the first friend I ever made; when I was alone and confused about everything else. You’ve never lied to me, you’ve always told me the truth even when it would be easier to lie so Alice, please, I need the truth, can you tell me the truth?”

“Am I supposed to be here, in the Volturi, am I supposed to fix something?” I ask thinking about Alec, Jane, Felix, Dimitri, Marcus, Caius, Aro, and especially the elusive Didyme. “Am I supposed to find something? Is that why I’m here? Is that what you meant? Because Alice if not, then please tell me what is because I’m at my wit's end and I feel that maybe I wasn’t supposed to be saved that day.” I confess, the secret in my heart being let free as I say what I dared not to think about.

“Bella” Alice breathed “Everything that happened; James, Victoria and her vengeance, your change. Everything was supposed to happen and even if it wasn’t, Bella, we would have still saved you. Bella, we would have done everything to save you because your life is worth something, every life is worth something. It was just meant to happen.” Alice says quietly

“And I know your hurt and confused, I’ve seen it. Alec and Jane, Marcus and his lost mate, and Aro and Caius. I’ve seen everything. I’ve seen more than I could have imagined and yet I haven’t seen enough. I can answer your questions Bella, but if I do it would change too much.” Alice says regretfully, her voice growing quiet.

“There is, however, one person that can answer some questions you have. He won’t be able to answer everything and in fact, I would heavily suggest that you only ask him what needs to be asked and nothing more. I would ask when you're certain that you won’t be overheard. I would keep things you’ve learned to yourself for now. I know you know more about certain things, you probably know more than I do actually.” Alice says with a sad laugh “and it needs to be kept that way.”

“There are people Bella, that know more. They know more about certain things than anyone else and there is danger Bella. If you keep going down the path your currently on, you will find yourself in grave danger, but you will find your answers. I haven’t seen it, but I know you, Bella. You’re too strong, too loving not too and you’ll know what it is when you see it when you find it. I saw that you are going to call him, and you’ll find it eventually. You’ll bring a lot of healing to a lot of people, but at a cost I just don’t what it is” Alice warns, her voice grave and raspy

“But Bella you’re on the path and it wouldn’t hurt to let others in. You were my first friend too. I know I hurt you, I know we all hurt you but don’t let that stop you from letting others in. I know you may not believe me, but I love you, we all do. Even Edward, in his own way, we all do.”

Hearing his name, I hiss out a breath, biting my lip. Scrunching my eyes closed I say “Thank you, Alice. For all this.”

“Your welcome, your still my sister, and I’m always there for my sister,” She says and before she can hang up, I quickly say

“and I’m sorry too. About how we left things. I could have handled it better. I could have listened instead of running off. I love you, Alice, I still love all of you, I’m just confused is all.” I admit to smiling for the first time during the call.

“I’m glad to hear it and I know. Me too. Even with the gift of sight, I can’t see everything, but some things you just know, and Bella I promise everything you're doing, everything you will do will lead to a lot of good.”

“I hope so” I whisper 

“I know so,” Alice says, confident “Also you may want to end the call. I see someone coming to look for you and she may be your new best friend if you just let her in. Also, for your own peace of mind since I know you want to ask. Edward’s mate will be one of us. She will turn and Bella – Her name is Astrid” Alice says quietly before the phone beeps signally the end of the call.

Erasing the evidence on my phone I slide it into my pocket and stand just as Jane comes running through the trees, looking concerned.

“Bella there you are!” She says relieved

“Jane,” I ask questionably, surprised to see her

Grabbing my hand, she squeezes tightly, looking worried “Bella I’m sorry. Alec came back to the castle and when you didn’t come back, he grew worried. Are you okay?” Jane says in a rush. “He thinks you might have been hurt”

I smiled at her concern and squeezing her hand back I assured her I was fine.

“But he looked so alarmed, he was convinced you were hurt somehow!” She exclaims, confused

“We were talking, and he might have said something hurtful,” I say carefully not wanting to give too much away, shifting my eyes away.

“Oh, so that’s what happened. I’m sorry Bella for whatever he said. Sometimes he has trouble communicating. In fact, he told me that when he didn’t see you, he thought something might have happened, but he just got sent on a mission with Chelsea. He would have come with me if it wasn’t urgent” Jane explained 

“He left,” I asked surprised

“Yes, um, right after he told me what happened Aro sent them to check on a vampire coven in the south, apparently there are some skirmishes happening that need handling,” She says, sounding calmed “But as long your okay, I was a bit worried is all,” She says embarrassed

Turning away she starts to run before I call after her, following Alice’s advice “Wait, Jane!” I yell as she comes to a stop, turning around confused.

“I’m not being totally honest with you. Um, something did happen between your bother and me and I guess I’m a little embarrassed about it, but I don’t know who else to talk too” I admit, wringing my hands.

“Oh! Well, um, I’m sure whatever it is it can’t be that bad” She says awkwardly, giving me a smile.

“Well…” I say giving a short grimace as I follow her lead and for the next hour until dawn, I tell her everything that happened. To meeting him in the forest, spending the afternoon together (which I didn’t mention the sanctuary to keep my promise), and everything that happened after.

At parts she looked shocked, then others angry (thankfully not at me) and other times slightly embarrassed which I’m not surprised it is her brother. 

She laughed at others and for the first time, I felt that we had a deeper connection than just friendly respect. I felt that she is finally my friend. So, before dawn breaks, I ask “Jane? Did I ever tell you the real reason I came here alone?” 

Shaking her head, no, I smile sadly before saying “Can I tell you about it?” I ask shyly

“Sure, that’s what friends are for right?” She asks, looping her arm through mine as we walk back, telling her how the lion fell in love with the lamb and everything that happened after. 


	8. Perfect Illusion

“Wow,” Jane said as we stop at the entrance, her face a mixture of shock, awe, disgust, and wonder.

“Yeah, wow” I echo as I walk with her and letting her into my room I sat on the bed and hug my pillow close as she climbs in next to me, both of us looking at my innocent-looking calendar on the wall.

“To be honest Bella I don’t know what to say other than, I’m sorry for all of that” Jane said, sincerity in her words.

“It’s alright, I wouldn’t know what to say either. It’s a lot but...I appreciate it, none the less” I smiled gently at her, nudging her with my shoulder.

“Who knew love could be so complicated,” Jane said her voice quiet

“Yeah, there are so many songs, poems, plays, tv shows, and movies you name it, and they are all talk about love, but you don’t quite know what they mean until you’re in it” I said thinking about Edward and Jake.

“Did you really have feelings for the shapeshifter?” She asked astounded as if the very thought was impossible.

Laughing lightly, I shook my head “Not that way, Jake has always been really, really special to me. After my mom died his family took us in. His dad kind of became mine while my dad became his. We were a pack even though we weren’t Quileute. They taught me their language, their culture, everything to make us feel more like a part of the pack.

“However, when I met Edward and I saw their hostility towards each other I tried to intervene. It worked to the point that they could be civil, but things got a lot better once Jacob fully became Alpha and Edward finally stopped being so defensive. Plus Jake was able to make decisions and set a good example for the others. When the Cullen’s had disappeared the first time, I fully depended on Jake. He was my rock. My constant. I became stronger thanks to him but when Alice showed up, telling me what Edward was going to do I had to help. Jake was fully against the idea, hating what he did to me, but I thought I loved him.” I said quietly, looking at Jane who seemed deep in thought.

“When they left again, Jake was there except Leah had just phased and Alphas can only imprint on other shapeshifters so…when Leah changed the imprint was secured. Their mating bond was a priority and I felt that I lost my best friend and well, you know the rest”

“Yeah, I know the rest” Jane repeated “You have quite the story, Bella. I’m glad it's able to continue” She said as I rested my head on her shoulder, the closest I’ve ever been to her.

“You know I don’t remember too much about my human life, but sometimes I get snippets of things. Memories and such. There was a boy I had hoped to marry but he was afraid of me and his family forbade him from ever approaching me. It hurt, and I imagine that’s kind of what you felt, except much worse. That’s the only time I ever remember any semblance of romantic love. To be honest, I understand why the ancient Greeks were so fearful of it. I’m scared of it too.” She admitted, her eyes gazing down.

“Jane love is nothing to be afraid of. Yes, it hurts, and it can leave scars but what you feel when you’re in love. It’s something that’s indescribable. It feels like safety, comfort, warmth. You would do anything for that person just to see them smile, to make sure they're safe. I felt that with Edward, Jake, my parents, my family. I’m very lucky to have felt so many forms of love even if some of them hurt me in the end. I’m glad that I was able to experience it. I hope you do too.” I said honestly as her eyes darted to mine.

“You wish pain on me?” She asked, hurt coloring her voice

“No! Of course, not Jane. What I wish is for you to find love that doesn’t hurt but it doesn’t always work that way. Finding true love can lead to a lot of heartbreak. It can make you doubt it even exists, but when you do it’s the most special and marvelous thing. That’s what I wish for you. It’s what I wish for everyone.” I said grabbing her hand. 

“Can I ask you something Bella, something personal?” She asked hesitantly

“What is it?”

“When you found out that Edward found his mate, that she was human like you before she was changed. You were angry but did you feel anything else?” She asked

Blinking, I sat up straight thinking back on that day. Yes, I was angry, enraged even but why? Edward betraying me? The Cullen’s lying to me? All of it, yes, but if I’m being honest rage wasn’t the only thing I felt.

“Yes,” I said realization hitting me. “I felt betrayed because I thought they were my family and in a way the pack did the same thing. By not telling me about Jake and Leah, but it was different with the Cullen’s. I didn’t love Jake the way I loved Edward. I thought I loved him but being here and putting some distance between us I don’t think it was the right kind of love.” I said slowly. 

“When Edward came back the second time it was different. I knew our spark was fading but I was so happy being with everyone, the thought of becoming like them, being apart of something forever, I wanted it so badly I guess I ignored that part. So, when Edward approached me and told me he didn’t love me in that regard I was shocked but…I think I was also relieved. That it wasn’t just me” I said staring at her “That it wasn’t in my head. I think I was more upset that he didn’t trust me enough with what really happened. That he, and really all of them thought I was too fragile to handle it.”

“And now?” She asked with a look in her eye I couldn’t decipher

“Now I feel a bit better. Like I’m healing from all of it. Now I feel like I’m growing. I’m learning new things and meeting new people. Growing from the pain and all that but I still feel the pain I just don’t know why I still feel it yet, but I will” I said smiling softly, my thoughts turning to Alec.

“I’m glad, you seem happier. If not, a bit confused which I have no doubt is a result of my brother.” She said laughing, which I chuckle at. Yes, indeed Alec has me all turned around.

“Marcus mentioned a bond being formed after all,” Jane says laughing and then quickly shut her mouth as I turned to her mouth agape. 

“What?” I ask shocked.

“Nothing! It’s nothing” Jane said, bringing her hands up. 

“Jane what are you hiding? What do you mean Marcus saw a bond? I know it's his gift but what do you mean by that?” I asked

“Marcus saw a potential friendship bond between the two of us. He encouraged me to pursue a friendship with you” she said quickly, too quickly.

“Yes…he encouraged me as well, but I get the feeling you're not telling me everything. Why are you keeping this from me?” I demanded

“I’m sorry Bella but Marcus has forbidden me and anyone else who might know of speaking of anything more. I shouldn’t have let that slip.” She says regretfully.

“What? Why? Why would anyone else know? Why can’t he tell me” I pepper her with questions as she scoots off the bed, looking nervous?

“You know don’t you,” I said accusingly 

“Only a little, I don’t know everything and the only reason I was told is that I’m close or I could be close to both subjects involved,” She says pleading with me to understand

“So, it is between me and Alec?” I confirmed and she looked away not saying anything. 

“I can’t believe this, I just got out of a confusing relationship, I’m not looking to go into another one!” I say, moving my hand through my hair.

“No one says you have to! That’s part of the reason why I’m not supposed to say anything! Bonds can happen with free will or not, but Marcus has always believed that bonds that form between people should happen naturally.” Jane explained. 

“Jane we’re vampires! There’s nothing natural about us!” I snapped, getting up, and pacing the room. I never noticed the walls were so short together. Has the room always been this small?

“Bella your panicking.” Jane calmly says

“I know and I’m trying to make it stop,” I said helplessly, the whirling thoughts in my head getting faster and faster. I bit my lip and wring my hands together nervously. 

Alec, Didyme, Jane, Marcus, Alice, Edward everything is running through my head as I see their faces one by one start to blur together into one swirling image of color.

“Bella let's get out of here” Jane suggested, taking my arm as she pulls me out the door and into the hallway. “Follow me” She instructed as she dashes through the halls, me hot on her heels until we reach the auditorium.

“Jane, what are we doing here in the gym?” I ask, my panic settling for a moment to let the confusion in.

“We're going to get that panic out,” she said lightly, pressing a button on the wall as a punching bag drops from the roof, the chains rattling.

“Jane I’ll knock that thing into the wall,” I said aghast

“No, you won’t, these were specialty made so we could keep up our training and get some aggression out,” She said standing behind the bag holding it firm. “Now hit it, Bella!” She demanded.

“What, no, Jane I’m not going to hit that thing,” I said firmly

“Hit it” She demanded fiercely

“No!”

“I said hit it Bella” She screamed as my anger rose.

“I said no!” I yelled as I punched the bag with all my strength. The bag barely moving and surprised I look at Jane who smiled in triumph.

“That felt good,” I said

“I know. Hit it again!” She demanded and this time I do, hitting the bag repeatedly, my speed increasing with every punch.

“Why are you angry Bella?” She asked

“Because I’m confused” I yell

“Why are you confused!” She yells back

“Because I have so much to do! Because Alec is making me frustrated!” I grunt out each word, my hits on the bag growing fiercer.

“Why is he making you frustrated?” She asked holding firm to the bag.

“Because of the way he makes me feel!”

“Because I never know where I stand with him!”

Because I have to focus on other things!” I yelled, punching, and adding an extra kick in there.

“It was how I felt with Edward” I grunt

“Because even though he told me he loved me, he didn’t mean it! I’m angry at myself! I’m angry that I fell for it!” I yell

“I’m mad because it was all an illusion! All made up! That he wouldn’t tell me the truth!” I yell louder

“I’m mad at Alec for making me feel similar! I’m angry because I don’t want to fall again!” I said, punching the bag and before I can stop it, I screamed out

“Because I don’t want to fall for another heartbreak!” Stopping suddenly as all the anger and panic leave my body, I stared at Jane’s shocked expression.

“Jane, I don’t want to get hurt again” I confessed, my shoulders slumping in defeat.

“Oh Bella,” She said, coming around the bag and hugging me “I can’t control that, but I promise that whatever you have with my brother, it isn’t just one sided. He feels it too.” She confessed looking at me “Just Alec, he’s worse than me when it comes to emotions and relationships. He’s stubborn and he doesn’t always think before he does things nor does like to give up control of himself so easily.” She told me, and before I knew it a little bubble of hope-filled me.

“Just don’t tell him any of this. I broke the sibling code but he’s being an idiot” Jane said, smiling gently. 

“I won’t” I replied softly, shocked at what I just learned

“Oh, and a piece of advice – Don’t let him get off so easily. If he’s doing something you don’t like; tell him. Give him a chance to fix something that he may not realize he’s doing” She said let me go.

“I will. Thank you, Jane, you know if I didn’t know any better, I would say you want to see us together?” I asked teasing 

“Well…” She says taking a step back “I like you and your good for him and he might be good for you. That’s all I’m going to say” She said smiling cryptically “Now if you excuse me, I’m going to get my own workout in.” She said lightly, taking some nude ballet shoes from a cubby. 

“You like ballet, Jane?” I asked surprised to learn this about my friend

“It’s a hobby I enjoy, and it makes me feel good, just don’t tell anyone. I like to dance by myself without anyone watching, it makes me feel self-conscious” She admitted before waving goodbye and heading to the basement level of the gym.

The things you learn about people I think, smiling to myself as I head to the one place, I know I’ll be able to process everything.

* * *

The sanctuary was easier to find this time, the door I was looking for catching my eye and taking a quick look around, sneak inside.

It was just how we left it, the glass wall showing my reflection and taking a quick sniff of the air I was happy to find that Alec’s scent remained. I guess he was here before. As I walked down the small decline, I noticed a small pond on the other side of the tree. Sitting myself down with my back against the bark, I closed my eyes and took in a deep inhale. His scent strangely comforting me.

I can’t believe I said all those things to Jane. Even more shocking was her revelation.

He feels it too? The little bubble of hope returned and frustrated, I pushed it down. I can’t afford to think of such things. Maybe I should take a step back? Try to be aloof? Its obvious Alec is complex, and I don’t need that right now, what with everything else going on.

The warning Alice gave goes through my head. Something is up, something is wrong, and I can’t forget that. It concerns Didyme and Alice told me to basically keep doing what I’m doing. Which what, I have no idea. Groaning I shook my head, trying to shake all thoughts out in the process.

What is even going on anymore? When I accepted Aro’s invitation to stay the year, this was not what I had in mind.

Granted, I didn’t know what to expect when I accepted but I just know this wasn’t it. This huge mystery concerning Didyme and Alec himself being one huge mystery… this is all too much.

What would Dad say if he knew what I was doing? Chuckling I knew right away “Don’t do it, don’t get involved” is what he would say but if he knew others would be involved? Those other people could be hurt possibly. He was all for protecting people, that’s why he became a cop. Helping people. Mom was always worried about him but at the end of the day she supported him, and I knew they would support me.

Groaning, I take out my phone and debated about calling him. He knew I was taking an extended stay somewhere overseas. What he didn’t know was what exactly I was doing overseas. I don’t want to worry him, but I need to talk to someone.

Deciding to call and opening my phone I stop and put it down, a thought striking me.

What if he ever met Aro? With me being here that is a very real possibility. If I call him and tell him everything it would be an open book to him. 

No, I can’t do that to him. Alice warned me if I kept this up, if I keep digging, I’ll be in danger. That I need to keep it close to my chest because maybe whoever is responsible for Didyme’s death is still here. 

Gasping I shot up. Maybe Didyme wasn’t just killed in the war, but murdered? What if she knew she was in danger? What if she knew her killer and they were still here?

It does explain a lot, her hasty messages, her incomplete recipes; her last page. She found something and maybe that was what got her killed.

If she was murdered it had to be planned out. She was Marcus’s mate, she was a queen. It would have been difficult to get close to her even during all that chaos.

Which means it had to have been someone close to her. It could be any of the guards, someone who had a connection to the inside, it might have been the kings for all I know.

Jane said there was chaos, that at the last minute there were reassignments. It couldn’t have been Jane because she was on the other side of the field; she looked so haunted, so broken over her loss, I don’t think she could have done it. It couldn’t have been Alec either, he was her personal guard and was forced to leave because he was needed elsewhere if Jane is to be believed. 

It couldn’t have been Felix, he wasn’t changed until two hundred years later and Dimitri wasn’t even born yet. I remember Dimitri one night, showing his birth certificate proudly, boasting that he was one of the true Italians there since he was born in Sienna in 1765.

Plus, Felix would have no motive, he was still human and didn’t join until after the war, being brought in for the sole purpose of protecting the remaining wives after Didyme’s death.

That only leaves a handful left, plus the brothers. It wasn’t Marcus that I’m sure of. Didyme was his mate, it's impossible to kill or harm your own mate even if you don’t accept the bond.

So that leaves Aro or Caius or worse, both.

I felt my body grow cold as the thought hit me. Aro and Caius, how much do I really know about them? Or the rest of the guard for that matter? It truly could be anyone. Anyone in that castle right now and whoever did it, they wanted her out of the way and if a queen was dead it left her mate desolate, incomplete, easy to control. Easy to manipulate and easy to steal from.

“Oh my gosh,” I whispered to myself.

It makes sense. Whoever killed Didyme did it for power. There could be no other reason. Someone with enough influence to erase any part of her from the castle. Her portraits, her paintings, her findings all except her book.

Her book!

If whoever did this did indeed kill her, they didn’t know about her book, but no that doesn’t make sense. Marcus saw it on the shelf, it’s a huge book that if he’s telling the truth, then Aro himself placed it there. So, everyone must have known it was there unless the book presented no threat, but if Didyme knew she was going to die and had to leave something hidden then the most obvious place would be in plain sight. I’m positive that the number will lead to something. Remembering her wording I try and find some clue as to what that number means.

225

For the ever-growing knowledge of our race and the security of our species,

this new discovery would change our histories forever.

I shall hope that I may get the chance to take the steps to pursue it.

225

Groaning in frustration I wish the bottom half wasn’t so smudged. Taking a sigh, I think, okay it could mean any number of things. A door, a sign, a number on another book. It could be anything.

Hissing I stand up and going back out of the room I make my way to the library, starting my search with the only thing I have so far.

A book.

Sitting at my usual table, I quickly flip to the page I’m looking for, her familiar handwriting staring back at me when I find the page.

For the ever-growing knowledge of our race and the security of our species,

this new discovery would change our histories forever.

I shall hope that I may get the chance to take steps to pursue it.

225

What does that even mean? Taking the book, I try my first guess which is going to shelf 225 and looking through it. There are tons of art history books and the wood is aged but nothing out of the ordinary. Sighing and mentally striking that option from my list of guesses I try section 225 of the library.

Again, nothing, this time there were books on the different types of math and numbers. Boring and certainly not what I’m looking for. 

Thinking I try counting all the books from the front of the library to book 225 and when that failed from the back, left and right. All nothing.

It couldn’t have been something so obvious that someone could just look and find it. It was a puzzle but maybe it couldn’t be too complex.

Going back to the book’s original location I count the books to 225 and this time nothing.

Sighing I go back and place the book back on the shelf and looked around me. I’m still alone but someone could still walk in and find me. What would I say if they asked what I was doing?

Yeah, just trying to solve a thousand-year-old murder case, nothing too interesting.

I shook my head and walking back to the entrance when suddenly a thought occurs to me. Walking, maybe that’s what I need to do. Instead of counting the books maybe I need to count the steps.

Going back, I count from the book's location to the front and seeing nothing, trying again until I’ve gone in all possible directions.

Nothing.

Trying again, exhausting my list of possible options I realize that the library is just that, a library. Nothing else here but books and their histories and dust. 

Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe she really was killed in the tragedy and I’m grasping at straws to distract myself from my love life.

How pathetic.

Slumping my shoulders in defeat I walked back to the sanctuary when something odd catches my attention.

The number of steps from the library to the sanctuary is 225.

Pursing my lips, I walk in and see that everything is the same I slowly walk around, trying to find something that seems odd or maybe interesting.

The tree is the same as when I left it, the wall is as reflected as ever, the grass is still grass, the pond is still a pond.

Everything seems to be right but no, something feels off. No, I’m on to something, I know I am. 

The number of steps is too perfect. It’s too much of a coincidence. Standing against the tree and counting the number of glass tiles I realize that on each wall there are exactly 225 tiles, except one. The wall in the back, there are 226 tiles. The only wall with an uneven number.

Curious, I walked up and dragging my hand along the wall I stop at the center tile. It’s raised slightly, so slight you can even tell by seeing it. Biting my lip I push the tile and to my amazement, it goes inward making the wall move and the tiles fall away revealing a small crawl space.

“Whoa” I whispered

Excited (and slightly nervous) I crawled inside the space, it was just big enough for me to squeeze through. With a shock, I hear the wall move again and the tiles falling into place and at once I’m surrounded in darkness. Even with my sight, I can’t see a thing.

I can feel the dirt beneath my hands and knees but otherwise, all my other senses are gone. I can’t see, smell, or hear anything. I guess this is how people feel when Alec uses his gift. Deciding to keep going (and knowing I can’t go back anyways) I crawl for what seems like hours.

I can’t pick up my pace in fear of the tunnel collapsing and I don’t want to go slower in fear of being caught, though I have no idea how that could be possible. Finally seeing a light at the end of the tunnel, I crawl until I found myself in another room. It was rather small, with the damp air and lack of scents telling me no one has been here for a long time.

It was empty except for a long wooden table, some shelves with empty jars, and a brown intricately woven rug on the floor. Fascinated I inspect every nook and cranny I can find and as I moved the rug I found to my delight a trap door.

Smiling and feeling like Nancy Drew, I pulled on the door only to find it locked. Pulling harder I realized that brute strength won’t be enough to get it open.

Running my hands on the cobblestone walls I smile when one of the rocks came loose. Pulling it free I smiled, finding exactly what I’m looking for.

An old, rust-covered key that conveniently fits into the lock on the door. Whoever built this went to great lengths to hide whatever is down there and I for one, can’t wait to know what it is.

Unlocking the door, I open it to find a dark gaping hole waiting for me. I can’t see what’s on the bottom and nor can I gauge how deep it goes.

Biting my lip, I look around me and back to the crawl space.

Here I have two options and both I know will define whatever future I have here.

  1. I go back to the crawl space, forgetting everything I just uncovered, and go back to figuring out smaller mysteries (like my personal life)
  2. or B. I jump and throw safety out the window, accepting whatever consequences await me down there. 



I’m now certain this is what Alice meant. If I jump, I know I’ll be putting my life in danger, I would be involved with something that is bigger than I ever could have dreamt of because truth be told I don’t know who built this place. It could be Didyme or it could be her killer, or it could be someone else entirely. This place was hidden away, and no one has been here for decades. Possibly longer and now I found out and I could have found something even more sinister than a possible murder.

But if I don’t jump and forget this ever existed and believe she simply died then I would be safe, I could be a guard member or live out the rest of my days in peace. Yet would I be able to have peace knowing what I know? 

Chewing on my lip and closing my eyes, I wrestled with the two choices I had to make. Mom and Dad would each tell me something different but ultimately, I know that they would make the same choice.

They would choose to do what’s right. 

So, taking an unneeded breath I throw caution to the wind and jump.


	9. Lego House

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapters coming then regular updates coming Monday! Also once all chapters are posted I'll be redoing and re-editing all the chapters to hopefully make it a smoother read! Please tell me what you think!

I fell for what seemed like ages and landed delicately on my feet and opened my eyes to what awaited me and I stifled a gasp.

It was another room except, this time it was much bigger and much more lived in. There was a huge table in the room taking up two of the walls, in an “L” shape with beakers, testing tubes, and all kinds of tools on the table with glass jars filled with mysterious substances and labeled with the oddest sounding names. Along the wall were cabinets leading to a bookshelf, with dozens of books from the Children of the moon, vampire chemistry, vampires’ venom and the effects of it, gifts, fairies, and all things supernatural. Every book with a title but no author.

The crown jewel of my discovery however must have been the chalkboard, filled with equations and notes in the handwriting I have come to know so well. This was Didyme’s workshop. It had to be.

Her handwriting was clear as day on the board, right in front of me. I slowly walked up and studied her notes trying to make sense of her thought process. She was working on something, but half of these equations were so advanced I didn’t know how to make sense of them, and half of her notes were in Italian and the only Italian I knew were for restaurant dishes.

Quickly taking out my phone, I snapped a few photos of the board and turned my focus to the bookshelf, determined to find something, really anything that could be useful in finding out what really happened to her and as to what she was working on.

Looking through the books Didyme was quite the scholar, having gone all over the world to find new information. Fairies in what’s now Norway, children of the moon and shapeshifters in America and Europe and I gasped of the mention of Taha Aki and Didyme’s run-in with his son.

Jacob would flip if he ever saw this.

Going through more and more books I didn’t know how much time I spent down there, taking pictures of everything I see and reading almost everything she discovered and the different ingredients for new potions or uses that they did. She even made a map of the entire layout of the castle, including the tunnels that go through and behind the walls. She built these tunnels that I’m sure no one even knows are there!

There was so much information! Even a potion for a spray that can hide your scent! Taking a picture of the recipe, knowing it will come in handy later when a small leather-bound journal catches my eye.

Taking it carefully from its place, I slowly open it up and gasp at my newest discovery.

Didyme’s personal diary, right here in my hands.

Shaking I looked to the last entry and noticed the date was one week before the battle where she died.

Shifting my eyes, her handwriting was jagged, the same scribble notes that were so like the pages in her book.

Flipping through the pages, the ringing of my cell phone scares me, and I drop her diary, making a flop on the floor and panicking I checked it over to make sure it wasn’t damaged. Breathing a sigh of relief, I check to see who’s calling me and answered

“Hey, Jane, what’s up?” I ask quietly trying to steady my voice to mask where I am.

“What’s up? What’s up really? Bella, where are you?” Jane asks alarmed “you’ve been gone for hours, no one can find you and you’ve been ignoring everyone’s text messages!” She yells concern lacing her voice.

Cursing I check my phone to see that I had 256 missed messages, the majority from Jane worrying where I went, a couple from Felix and Dimitri wondering why I was hiding, and surprisingly three from Alec asking why I disappeared. 

I didn’t even know he had my number.

“I’m sorry Jane, I went on a hunting trip that lasted longer than I thought, and I turned off my phone, forgetting to turn it back on. I didn’t mean to worry anyone” I said, guilt eating at me.

“Well, you could have left a note saying you were going to leave! Shit Bella, if the brothers found out that you went missing you would be in such shit right now.” She says, calming down

“I didn’t even think of that,” I said quietly. I’m here on invitation only and if Aro wants me to leave then I would have no choice, leave all this behind. 

“I'll be more careful next time, I promise Jane. I’m on my way now” I said, tucking the journal inside my jeans and covering it with my top.

“Okay, I’ll see you here,” Jane said before saying a quick goodbye.

I stand and after taking a few more pictures, try to find an easier way out of here. Crawling and jumping I don’t mind but I needed to protect her diary.

It might be the only clue I have as to what happened on that day. Looking through the bookshelf I grab the heavy parchment map and try to memorize each tunnel to help me. 

Once I’m satisfied with what I have I look through the cabinets, praying some of Didyme’s scent erasing potion is here. Looking quickly, I see a few vials with the name and smiling and breathing a quick thank you to whoever is watching me I grab some and quickly pocket whatever I could grab, knowing I’ll need it later.

I’m going to have to come back but for now, I’m out of time. Opening the door next to the table I quietly shut it as I made my way through the dark tunnel, using my phone’s photo of the map to guide my way. There should be an entrance to the woods nearby and once I’m out of the castle I’ll be home free.

Running quickly, I noticed a light coming in from the walls and I knew I must have been getting close. Seeing the door that matches the map, I put my phone away as I strain my ears listening for anything or anyone on the other side. Smelling the air and not getting ant scents I hastily open and shut the door as I make my way down another long roughly built tunnel.

Seeing more and more light, I move a boulder out of the way as I’m assaulted by sunshine. Smiling, I move the boulder back to its place and run as fast as I can into the woods, putting in as much distance between myself and the castle entrance.

* * *

After putting enough distance between the castle and myself I start to relax and smile to myself as the weight of my discovery starts to settle in.

I found Didyme's journal!

This had to have been the most epic thing I had ever done.

Coming to a small clearing I quickly found a covered spot and digging a small hole, I ripped the bottom half of my shirt and wrapped Didyme’s journal placing it there and covering it for the time being. No one can find out what I did, and no one can find out what I’m up to. 

Taking a vial out of my pocket and popping the cork I spray a few drops, happy to know that Didyme’s potion works.

I can’t smell anything except nature and satisfied, I make my way back to the castle taking a different route. I didn’t want any chance of anyone finding that diary.

Checking my reflection in my phone’s camera, my eyes look way to dark for someone who just hunted for a day and a half so finding a herd of elk, I make quick work of them until my eyes are back to their light, golden hue. By this time the sun has gone down and the moonlight shines. Sending a soft prayer that no one will find it I begin my journey back.

Running and seeing the castle entrance I notice a figure pacing up and down the door and with further inspection I notice it's none other than Alec.

Slowing my pace, I come to a stop a few feet from the door as Alec’s head snaps up. He looks concerned, angry, and surprisingly a little sad.

“Bella,” He says his voice hard “Where have you been? You’ve been missing for days!” He exclaims as he grabs my hand and squeezes it.

I look down and back at him when he quickly drops it and takes a step back, looking upset. “Everyone’s been worried when no one’s heard from you. I know Janie’s upset.” He says his voice losing that hardness and being replaced with a detached calmness.

“I’ve been hunting” I lie, shifting away from his hard gaze

“You’ve been hunting” He repeats slowly, raising his eyebrow

“Yes, I wanted to see more of the forest, I lost track of time,” I said

“I don’t believe you,” he said his gaze intense

Shocked at his boldness and getting defensive I replied, “Well it doesn’t matter if you don’t believe me, I lost track of time.”

“And besides its none of your concern where I’ve been, not to mention your business,” I said with anger in my voice as he narrows his eyes and when he opens his mouth to say something, I see Jane running down the hallway.

“Bella!” She yells as she hugs me and I hug her back tightly, grateful for her timing as I look at Alec, who is still glaring, sharply turns his back and stalks away and I can’t help but feel I said something wrong.

* * *

“So, you’ve literally been hunting this entire time?” Jane asked as we walked, skeptical

“Yeah, during my stay I haven’t really explored the countryside and thought it would be nice to see what else Volterra has to offer,” I affirm looking straight ahead.

“Yeah, but, a day and a half may seem excessive, don’t you think?”

“It might but I was caught up with all of the nature around me. Plus, Jane Alec’s back, isn’t he early” I ask changing the subject quickly.

“Yes, apparently it was a quick job only half of the coven was left to be disposed of and everything else was just cleaned up,” Jane said with a stink eye.

“Well that’s good for Alec and especially for Heidi; she must have missed Santiago for all those days,” I mentioned thinking of the quiet dark-haired man with Heidi.

“Yes, they're spending the day in the rose garden today. I know Alec was glad to be home until he learned of your disappearance” Jane mentioned slyly

“How so?” I asked, pretending to be disinterested but looking at her from the corner of my eye.

“Well…when he came back, I admit I was rather worried when I had hadn’t heard from you and told him about your disappearance” She led on

“yes…you told me as such on the phone,” I mentioned to her as I scrunched my nose playfully at her. 

“Well, what I didn’t mention was how worried he got. He thought he had upset you so much you up and left. So I told him that he was being a bit conceited and told me that he was going to check the east side of the castle while I checked the west; he was gone for a while and actually went to the forest to search for you and when he couldn’t find you he even went to Felix to track you down.” She says with awe in her voice. “I’ve never seen Alec react so…concerned before”

“Really? He did all that” I asked guilt hitting me hard.

“Yeah, only when I called, and you picked up did he calm down. Once you said you were returning, he waited at the entrance while I went to tell Felix his services were no longer required.” She looked at me with a gleam in her eye as I shook my head.

Guilt was here and eating at me slowly. I shouldn’t have snapped at him, especially after learning this.

“Jane, do you mind if we talk later? I think I owe someone an apology” I asked looking at her while she quirked her eyebrow and nodded her head.

“I saw him disappear to the east side of the castle to broad” She quipped, walking away and pointed her head in the direction of the hallway.

Smiling gratefully, I took off, knowing immediately where he was.

His scent was strong and entering the hallway I saw him immediately, sitting under the tree and looking straight ahead. My eyes looked quickly to the back-glass wall, happy to note everything was the same before my little adventure.

Knowing he knew I was there I sat next to him and crossed my legs as I said to him “You know, it seems that whenever we meet here, one of us is apologizing.”

I smiled lightly at him and seeing no reaction, I let out a breath, changing tactics. “Alec I’m sorry I snapped at you. It was unkind of me and I admit I let the stress of the situation get to me. I didn’t mean to worry anyone, and I didn’t mean to worry you” I said softly looking at the wall in front of us.

“You didn’t worry me” He replied, grumpily

“Alec, you’re a horrible liar,” I say tartly

“So are you” He retorts turning to me, his eyes fierce. Shrinking back a little, surprised by his ferocity he leans back muttering an apology. 

“Why do you think I’m lying,” I asked, curious

“because you’re not one to lie and your scent is different. Usually, when you return from hunting you smell like oak and grass and you always have some type of debris in your hair. Except this time, you smelled like parchment and sand wood. You were hunting but you were somewhere else first.” He claims, looking at me with his unreadable eyes.

Surprised by his observations, I turn away looking at the wall.

“So, that’s how I know and I’m going to ask again, where were you?” He said, an edge to his voice.

“Nowhere” I lied, but even to my ears, it didn’t sound convincing.

“No, you were somewhere. Why won’t you tell me or tell anyone at least?” He asked, frustration leaking through.

“Because no one can know” I whispered, looking down

“And why is that,” He asked, suspicion coloring his tone.

“Because of that” I claimed meeting his glare with one of my own “the suspicion and questions. Look if I could, I would tell as many people as I can, but I can’t because if I do then I won’t be the only one who – “stopping myself and look away.

“Who, what?” He urged

“I can’t. You have secrets, I have mine” I said tautly

“I deserve to know, Bella these people are my family and I will not tolerate anyone putting them in danger! So, if you know something then talk!” He exclaimed, losing his patience.

Giving him a stony stare, I say calmly “That’s precisely why I can’t say anything, if I even breathe a word of what I’ve found, everyone involved would be in danger. So, if you have any care about your family you would leave this alone. In fact, just leave me alone.” I said, standing and looking down at his surprised expression.

With that, I swiftly turned away and ran back out ignoring the calls of my name.

No one can know, and if I entertain this thing with Alec, I would be putting him in danger as well as anyone else. It’s better if I keep my distance for a while.

“Bella, damn it, slow down!” I hear Alec yell behind me, running to my room I close the door and lock it tight. Before long, I hear his repeated knocking.

“Bella open the door.” He asked knocking

“No” I whispered

“Bella, open the door, it's rude to leave mid-conversation you know,” He told me through the door.

“yeah well you do it all the time, I’m just following example” I retort

“Damn it, Bella! You can’t say something like that and run off!” He said frustrated “I’m not leaving until you talk to me!” He warns

“Don’t hold your breath” I say to myself

“Don’t have too, you stubborn woman”

Glaring at the door, I’m determined to make him wait. Fine, if he wants to waste his time then so be it.

An hour goes by and I know he’s still there. Two, then three and four. I made it to six hours before the tapping starts.

I don’t know what he has or what he’s tapping on but it's annoying as hell and I know he’s making a point. I’m just glad everyone is out right now, otherwise, this would be embarrassing.

Two hours of incessant tapping and somehow, he’s gotten ahold of a metal object that grates on my ears.

Losing my patience, I growl as I angrily open the door only to see him tapping one of his shoes and scraping a nail on stone.

“What the hell are doing!” I asked annoyed as he quickly puts on his shoe and throws the nail.

“Getting you to talk to me,” He said triumphantly, smiling.

Rolling my eyes I ignored the butterflies in my stomach as I glared.

“Where did you learn to be so annoying,” I asked, ignoring those feelings, walking down the hallway as he walked beside me.

“I have a sister you know. Whenever she gets mad and doesn’t want to talk to me, I just annoy her until she does. I’m glad to know it works on other females” he said. 

“Whatever” I mutter crossing my arms

“What did you mean back there Bella?” He asked, grabbing my arm and making me look at him, his eyes intense, and if I didn’t know any better, scared. “Is anyone in danger? Is there a threat?”

“I meant nothing. I already told you too much” I hissed, looking up and down the hallway listening to anyone who may be nearby.

“You haven’t told me anything, except about your impending doom; damn it, Bella if this is a game you learned from that Cullen kid – “

“This is not about Edward!” I snarled balling my hands. “Maybe if you stopped ignoring me, you may actually learn something about me that isn’t related to the Cullen’s!” I grit out, turning on him, my anger bubbling to the surface.

“Alec, I don’t get you!” I say, my frustration finally reaching a boiling point “You are the most perplexing man I have ever met! One minute it seems you like me or at the very least can tolerate me and the next it seems you hate the very sight of me! I don’t understand! You ignore me for weeks and then you come out of nowhere, making it seem you give a shit about me then leaving me in the middle of the woods! News flash, been there, HE did that and quite frankly I’d rather not repeat the experience! I have enough on my plate to deal with than some hormonal, teenage, angst or whatever the hell you have going on than to wait on the sidelines until you figure out what your problem is!” I yelled, seeing his still face as his mouth hangs slightly open in shock. On a roll, I couldn’t stop the words from escaping my mouth and honestly, it felt good to get it all out.

“So yeah I disappear for a while. Sometimes you need to leave to figure out your own head and in case you haven’t noticed, my head has been messed up for a while and it's finally getting cleared up. So, Alec I really don’t know what your issue is with me but quite frankly I’m tired of it. We’re both adults, we can both talk and I’m sorry I’m yelling at you like a toddler but quite frankly this is the most time we’ve ever spent together that didn’t have you running off. So, until you have your shit together, I’m going to run off now because I wish I could run away from everything else!” I yelled, looking at his shocked face and as I calmed down, I gasped and covered my mouth with my hands.

Oh my gosh.

What did I just do?

Staring wide-eyed at him I clench my teeth together and close my eyes, fighting the tears. Turning quickly, I leave a bemused Alec in the hallway as I quickly walked to the library and hide in my favorite spot.

What the fuck was that? Is that what a breakdown is because I feel like I’m having a breakdown. Balling my fists in my hair everything that I’ve been pushing down the last few months comes right back up.

Alec, Alice, Jane, Edward, Didyme, Marcus everything is so much. If Didyme was murdered I may be the only person who knows and if her killer is still here, I may be next. Is this what Alice meant about danger? Plus, everything with Alec, I mean shit! How much more can there be? I’m tired and so mentally exhausted from everything that maybe I shouldn’t have been saved that day. I mean fuck what’s the point to this existence if there’s nothing but confusion and misery? 

It all started with that book, and from that point on its unraveled everything and now I don’t know what I’m doing. I should have jumped five minutes earlier. I would still be dead but at least I would have peace. 

Feeling a hand on my shoulder I shoot up to see a regretful-looking Alec.

“Your crying,” He said softly “I’m sorry I did that to you,” He said hanging his head

“Don’t give yourself so much credit. It’s not just you” I said, wiping my eyes as I brought my knees up to my chest.

“Do you mind if I sit with you?” He asked softly.

“Sure,” I said, defeat in my voice. 

“Bella, I’m sorry, I’ve been treating you. I have been unfair to you and I haven’t been very kind either. I have my own demons to work on and my head isn’t very clear either. However, I have noticed by the way.” He said/ 

“Noticed what,” I asked my voice thick

“You accused me of not noticing you’re going through some difficulty since your arrival and I’m sure I haven’t made it any easier. I’ll be brave here and say I don’t know what this is between us, but I do know that you are a very good friend.”

“Friend?” I questioned, skeptical

“Yes friends, I would like to think we’re friends. You are the closest friend my sister has and despite what you may think, I do tolerate you, Bella Swan, so yes, we’re friends” He said smirking

Snorting I whispered “Weird friends”

“Indeed, but friends none the less. So, I propose we start over.” He says straightening and getting up and walking behind a bookcase he comes back around and over to me, holding out his hand.

“Hello, my name is Alec Volturi, I’m not good at relationships, any kind of relationships for that matter but I can try being friends. I admit I have my own demons to fight and my head is I quote ‘a little messed up’ but I’m working on it. I can be cold and sometimes I do things impulsively that can hurt people I tolerate but despite that, I hope we can be friends” Looking up and seeing him be vulnerable I smile, appreciating his effort. I stood and shook his hand, the electricity tickling like always. 

“Hi, my name is Isabella Marie Swan, but I go by Bella. I have just gotten out of a serious relationship that I’m still healing from, I discovered something that I’m not ready to share and thus makes me a little disoriented. My head is a little messed up, and I tend to say things without thinking which can hurt people I tolerate but despite that, I would really like to be your friend.” I said and still shaking his hand I sat down with him as I had my first ‘real’ conversation with Alec Volturi where neither one of us ran away, but we sat right there and talked. 

Turns out we both had a lot to say. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would love to know your thoughts!


	10. Just One More Yesterday

My conversation with Alec went as well as I would have hoped. We were both awkward, curious, guarded, and a bit vulnerable.

Vulnerability isn’t a strong suit for either of us, but we managed to make it work. We stayed there for hours, just talking. The rest of the afternoon and into the night. I told him about my parents, he told me what he remembers of his human life.

I have to say I felt quite sorry for him and Jane. Losing their parents early than their village turning on them, eventually burning them at the stake. Alec says that’s why their gifts work like they do. Alec just wanted everything to stop, he didn’t want to feel anything anymore while Jane wanted to push her pain off her and onto the people that were hurting them.

Both fair responses, I think.

What I was curious to know though, how they came into the guard and why they have stayed all these years.

“Well, Aro was the one who found us. He heard through a traveler of ‘the witch twins’ and when he came to see for himself, we were already well you know” He said looking uncomfortable.

“He was the one to change us, except he thought we were in our early 20’s instead of 17, really 18 since our birthday was three days away.”

“That long ago you the had the tradition of birthdays? How did everyone keep track” I asked amazed?

“Well, it’s nothing like the modern calendar but our village priest was adamant to record all the births of each season. So instead of months, we had seasons, I and Jane were born during the winter season. Now I guess it might be January, but there’s no way of knowing. There aren’t any remains of the village or any documents” He responded looking deep in thought

“I was born in September. I was a month away before my 20th birthday when I changed.” I offered slightly changing the topic.

“Forever 19, how fortunate, better than forever 17 but I supposed it could be worse I could look like a typical 17-year-old. That wouldn’t be very nice at all” He said laughing

Laughing with him I add “Your voice would be forever squeaky, that would be hilarious”

“For you maybe, I’m one of the major defenses of the guard. Intimidating, strong, serious, all those traits for a boy who hasn’t hit puberty would be hard to do” He said looking at me

Still laughing I said “It’s not impossible. Jake had to step up pretty quickly when he was 15 and commanded the respect of his whole tribe”

“Whose Jake,” He asks, an edge to his voice

“Jacob is one of the most important people to me. He and his whole pack took me and my father in when my mom died, and his imprint Leah took me in when Charlie died and the Cullen’s left. He’s my family” I answered easily smiling at him

Nodding he looks thoughtful before saying “Are they children of the moon” He asked

“No, they're shapeshifters but they call themselves wolves because that is what their spirit animal is. They protect their people from threats that may harm them”

“Threats like us” He deadpanned looking at me and raising his eyebrow.

“Well…before I changed there were tensions between the Cullen’s and the tribe but when I changed it was kind of hard to hate someone who you loved. There were some that still hung onto the old traditions and of course old minds are the hardest to change but once Jacob took over as Chief, he made me an honoree pack member, the first in history, and that kind of soothed things. I really should call him” I said thinking of my friend.

“Hmmm”

“What?” I asked curiously

“Nothing, I know you said to forget about your secret, but I can’t help but try and guess, now can I?” He shrugged as I crossed my arms “

I just thought you might be hiding them is all, that would be a pretty big secret”

“It would be, but I would never hide something like that. I’ve never even seen a child of the moon.” I said honestly.

“You don’t want too” Alec grimaces, rubbing his arm

“I’m guessing you have the experience,” I said looking at his suit covered sleeve.

“Yes, when Caius was attacked, he grew obsessed with hunting every single one of those creatures down. They were volatile and acted on instinct. My gift proved useful to Caius since I could take away their senses and Janie’s power didn’t have any effect on them, it only made them angrier. To make a long story short one proved to be too strong and was able to attack me” He said,

“Oh my gosh. How bad was it?” I asked shocked looking at his arm

“Well it was bad enough to still have a scar,” He said chuckling. Taking off his jacket and rolling up his shirt sleeve I saw three jagged, raised claw marks on his pale skin. Red and angry looking they looked like he had just gotten attacked.

Gasping I touched one of them only to see Alec wince and I swiftly took my hand back “Sorry”

“It’s fine, it just stings a little.” He said as he rolled his sleeve back down

“It was worth it though, Didyme was curious about the children of the moon and on one of Caius’s adventures, Marcus and Didyme went along. The creature proved to much for Caius and Marcus was too far away…I was just doing my duty”

“Didyme,” I asked, “You knew Didyme?” I asked faking incompetence.

“Yes, in a way, I was assigned to her, when the wars broke out Marcus assigned me to protect her.” He said, his body growing rigid

“It seems you did your job well,” I said softly

“Not well enough” he whispered “Regardless, she was my Queen and when she died, we all took it very hard,” He said changing the subject quickly, slyly looking around him.

“Alec, can I ask you something?”

“You just did,” He said smiling a little

“Another thing? It’s rather important” I asked

Nodding he looks at me “Why aren’t there any portraits of Didyme? I understand her loss was a grave one but with how important she was, there doesn’t seem to be any trace of her in the castle?” I asked delicately while Alec tensed.

“Well…that has more to do with Marcus. After her death, he wanted all pictures of her in his personal rooms. To remind him. As far as all the other artifacts I don’t know where they went, and we were ordered to leave it alone for the brother’s sake.” he said shifting his eyes away. 

Sitting back and studying his face I knew he wasn’t telling me everything.

He was lying.

Biting my lip, I dare asked “What about her book?”

“Her book? What book?” He questioned, scrunching his eyebrows together in confusion

“Her book of remedies, the one that she wrote,” I said getting up, and knowing I’m taking a huge risk, I pull it out of its familiar spot and with slightly shaking hands give it to him.

He looks amazed and lay it down on the table he slowly flips the pages, his eyes moving so fast across the words I can barely keep up.

“It been here, all this time” He whispered, mainly to himself

“I found it my first day in the castle, I was exploring the library and the title caught my attention,” I said softly as he turned to me

“I didn’t know this was here. Didyme was working on this before she died. It’s one of the few remaining works of hers.”

“I assumed people knew, Marcus was here when I came in and saw me looking at it. He told me a little about Didyme and left shorting after.” I supplied

“Marcus was here,” He asked, incredulous at the thought

“Yes, it was the only time I’ve seen him here, he was reading over there” I pointed in the direction of the book’s location.

“Marcus never comes into the library. Didyme loved this place and it hurt him to be here, so he stopped coming, none of the kings come in here actually, and rarely do any of the guard.” He said the deep ‘V’ in his forehead deepening.

Looking at me, the strange look in his eye is back, and closing it shut he hands it to me, shaking his head “Whatever it is your hiding, keep it hidden, I don’t want to know.”

Pressing the book to me “I have to go, um, keep it safe and don’t tell anyone about it. I must go but I’ll talk to you later. Keep that hidden” He instructed firmly before quickly disappearing behind a pillar leaving me confused as ever.

Shaking my head, I decided to follow his advice, from what Jane said he knew Didyme well, more than he let on. Why would he do that? Walking quickly, I closed the door to my room and grabbed my backpack, and placing the book inside along with my journal, I made my way out of my room, my cloak around me.

Alec seemed so alarmed back there and I know he knows something I don’t. Whatever happened to Didyme, Alec knows something about it, and it makes him scared.

I must be right then, Didyme’s killer is still here. Whatever Alec knows, he must know Didyme’s death wasn’t an accident. I hope that with this revelation I have more than a friend in Alec, but also an ally.

Walking quickly, I spot Chelsea coming from the other direction and trying to be as casual as I can I smile at her and say hi.

“Hey Bella, what are you doing?” She asked looking at my full backpack.

“Oh, I just want to go hunting and maybe read a little in the outdoors” I lie as I walked past her

“Oh. Well, have fun” She said before walking away, I waited until she turned the corner before I run outside, making sure I’m not followed.

I run until I see the familiar tree and slowly, taking one more look around, I dig up Didyme’s journal and place it in my backpack.

Whatever is in this, I need to protect it. I don’t know exactly what’s going on, but I know I need to be much more careful.

Sending a quick text to Jane, I go back inside the cave, and feeling my way through the darkness I find the workshop once again.

It’s exactly as I left it and taking out the books, I place Didyme’s journal on the desk and her remedies book on the shelf.

Opening the journal her handwriting jumps out at me and starting on the first page it reads:

_I know I must be getting close to unlocking it. Marcus says to just let it alone, but I cannot. Science demands discovery. I made a mistake, yes, a terrible mistake but I was alright. It was close but my dear Marcus is so worried. A minor explosion in the castle. I can’t risk exposure like that again, so I commissioned a few humans to help me in my little endeavor. In a few years’ time, they will be dead, and I’ll be free to continue my work. Until then I shall bind my time and put this to rest. I so loath keeping such a secret from my dear Marcus but the loathing I feel will be a sacrifice in the name of discovery._

_Didyme_

An explosion? She must have been working on something big than to take a risk like that.

Reading ahead I fly through the pages of her daily activities, coming to the entries of the rise of the Romanian rebellion.

_Such nonsense. Aro is worried for naught. The Volturi are strong and unbreakable. Yet the Romanians remain stubborn yet will matter not. It will be time before they eventually fall. Aro has gone away in the matter, leaving my Marcus and Caius in power. I must say I’m troubled by what I witness. In the chaos, Marcus has assigned a new guard to me, a young vampire named Alec. Strong-willed and quiet he and I have become quite close in friendship in the solitary hours of my imprisonment. I know Marcus means well and Aro would be overjoyed to know his sister walks the distance of a single room, but I am restless here. I cannot be contained. Until this war is over with, I shall fly once again._

_Didyme_

_Aro has returned with new talent! The name of Charmin, such a lovely girl. In my knowledge of her, she has such an unusual talent. Manipulating feelings, the very perspective of a person is quite powerful. If trained properly she will be one of the greatest offensive weapons we have. I dare say she could grow so strong that she could manipulate the very mind, yet I sense trouble. There is a darkness in her heart that is as small as a dust mite, yet if not conquered will grow to destroy her. I have told her of my findings and yet she insists it’s because of her transformation. I have my doubts but in another life I too had darkness. Perhaps she will learn to conquer hers as well._

_Didyme_

Charmin? I don’t know any vampire of that name, perhaps this ‘darkness’ she speaks of is her killer? Maybe she fled after the murder and is still out there? Plus, Didyme’s darkness? I wonder what she meant by that.

Flipping through the pages a passage caught my eye:

_Conditions have changed here, and I must haste. The recipe isn’t completed yet I must deprive myself of the cushions of life to achieve it. Marcus grows more worried by the day with Aro frustrated over the lack of progress. Whatever move we make they make. They know our plans and beat us. I suspect we have a spy amongst us, yet Marcus assures me to not trouble myself with such thoughts. Aro won’t believe me, his pride blinding him to the truth. Athenodora and Sulpicia are no help, choosing to be tolerant of their prisons yet I cannot! I have perfected my invisibility and I plan to use it to my advantage. Alec, my most trusted friend, has gathered my ingredients but has paid a terrible price. Going with Caius was foolish, yet I need the blood. I do wish Taha Aki and his family would let me try. Letting their fear guide them is foolish but I won’t push their limits. They must protect their people, a motivation I understand. Never less I believe they hold the key to unlock the many mysterious ways of Alchemy. Werewolf blood may be the key to our salvation._

_Didyme_

I re-read the last sentence over and over. That was what Alec was so worried about. Picking up the remedies’ I flip through the pages until I find the recipe.

4 drops of WB, werewolf blood. Plus, the venom of a shield user. Combine with water, among other ingredients.

Alchemy, Didyme was an alchemist! Taking out the last two vials of the scent erasing potion, it must be the invisibility potion that she mentions. It masks any trace of yourself away.

Taha Aki, they knew each other and if Didyme was convinced that werewolf blood may be the key I may have to contact Jacob, that is only if he’s willing too.

On the one hand, I would only need a little, maybe 5 vials worth to fully experiment with. It seems simple enough and if I can master her recipes, maybe I could find what she was working on much faster. It’s an experiment of sorts, I’m sure of it and if I go back to Forks, I will have the perfect time to do so.

On the other hand, I may not be able to leave, plus more importantly, I can’t let anyone endanger my family. Aro doesn’t seem like a threat but what if Aro ‘sees’ Jake’s mind for whatever reason and passes along the message? It could easily get to the wrong person.

No, if I do this, I can’t let Jake know or any of the pack know because if one knows they all know, and I won’t take that risk.

So how do I go back without raising any eyebrows? Biting my lip, I know the first thing is carrying only what’s necessary. Taking out my own journal I copy every single recipe, every note, and my own possibilities. Satisfied I hide the book in the shelf and taking Didyme’s journal I put it back inside my backpack along with my own diary.

Taking out my phone, an idea strikes me and I dialing fast I know what to do.

Hearing it ring I pace impatiently and hearing his familiar voice I smiled and laughed.

“Jake!” I exclaimed

“Bella, thank God for your okay. You are okay right?” He asked and laughing still I nod and say yes as I hear everyone’s excited voices over the phone until I hear him walk and a door close, the packs voices muted. 

“Bella, what happened? Are you still in Italy? I know you need your space but damn Bella, 4 months and you couldn’t call until now!” He said upset

“Jake, I’m so sorry for not talking sooner, just things have been so crazy over here and I, Jake I might have found something” I whispered quickly

“What do you mean,” he asked, worry in his voice

“I mean, on my visit to the vampire kings, I was invited to join the guard – now I didn’t take it” I said quickly hearing Jacob’s quick intake of breath “but I was invited to stay the year, think it over and I accepted. Except during my stay, I think I may have found something important. Something that I wasn’t supposed to find but I’m glad I did. Alice, well, Alice warned me about finding things and I did, and I remembered her warning and – “

“Wait, Alice?” He interrupted, his worry quickly transforming into anger “What does she have to do with this? Did she send you there? Does this have anything to do that bastard!” His voice rising

“No! Jacob Black listen!” I said “It has nothing to do with Edward, I mean I came here on her suggestion because last year when I saved him, I had to have been changed, you knew this its just I was planning on doing differently. Well since I was already changed, I figured I would get it over with and it would also do some good to get away from everyone for a while.” I muttered 

“Bella you could have come here, we’re your family too,” He said, hurt creeping in his voice

“I know, I know that it’s just it was hard thinking about being around everyone and I just, I needed time for myself. To have some new faces around me but I missed you so much! I miss everyone so much, which is why I didn’t call until now.” I said honestly

“Okay…” He said slowly

“Jake that thing I discovered; it may help heal a lot of people. It may help so many others, including myself but no one can know including you. There’s another mind reader here Jake, different than Edward. He can read every thought you’ve ever had, and although I don’t suspect him, I need to keep you all safe. That’s why I haven’t called sooner in fact I almost didn’t call right now” I admitted.

“Bella, I don’t care, whatever you got yourself in, we can handle ourselves and I know you can handle yourself too. Don’t worry about us, if you’re in trouble we’re going to help you” He said, his alpha voice coming in.

“I know Jake, I love you all, but I have a plan to protect us, just in case but I need to ask a huge favor from you though, I mean huge. Leah too actually” I said thinking about it

“How big are we talking about?” He asked warily 

“The promise we made as kids; we each get one huge, crazy favor that we only cash if we’re in deep shit? I’m cashing it” I said

Hearing his low whistle, he took a deep breath “What do you need?” He asked

Gulping I talk about my plan, his involvement, and the strategy I hope goes to plan. I talk for an hour and an additional three hours hearing Jacob rant, calming down, and answering any questions he has. After a beat of silence, however, I hear the angels sing as he said

“Okay, I’m in”

* * *

The days leading up to Jake’s arrival are torturous, even more so when no one knew he was coming, not even myself.

Jake told me he could but wanting to make sure things were settled on the reservation first, I wired him the money that was needed, that way he can come when I don’t expect it. For his protection and mine, I know why he couldn’t tell me, but it still made me anxious.

Alec was no help either, ever since that day in the library there was no mention of his strange behavior and when I tried to ask in private, he just said the same thing. Protect the book and don’t mention it. Something strange is going on and I know it goes deeper than just Didyme.

The look in Alec’s eye, it was murky white, except for the warning when his eyes were gleaming red. Something happened to him and I don’t know what. I can’t tell Jane, or anyone else. Whatever happened to Alec it was because of that day. 

Someone here doesn’t want me poking around and if they know what I’m up to a lot of people could get hurt or worse.

This is why I told Jake to come at his leisure, to come into the lion’s den to help. He’s my brother and I knew he was angry, livid but if his blood is the key, I need to find out what it is. Jake’s protection is my highest priority and him coming here is a huge risk…for both of us. I just pray that Jacob is right. That he can do what he promised because if he can’t, I’ll never forgive myself.

However, being anxious is no better than doing nothing so to keep up appearances I play chess with Jane and Alec, read in the library, and play video games with Felix and Dimitri.

It’s during one of those nights did the call finally come.

“Yes, Gianna?” Felix asked, taking out his phone for the front desk.

“There are visitors for the masters and Miss Bella. Aro says it’s a matter of the court” She replied calmly, my eyes looking straight at the screen as Felix turned to me.

“Yes, thank you Gianna we’ll be down in a moment” He closed his phone with a snap and grinned at me offering his hand.

“It seems you're needed in the throne room, you have visitors.” he chuckled as I softly forced out a small laugh and took his hand, ignoring the strange stares from everyone else in the room and especially from Jane and Alec who paused mid-game to listen in.

Walking down the familiar hallways and grabbing our cloaks, coming to the throne doors I took a deep breath, half expecting a disgusting dog smell but instead another scent hits my nose.

One familiar, the nutty smell of cloves and roasted hazelnuts with a hint of pine with another unfamiliar scent, sweeter, and much more divine. Honeysuckle and luscious. The smell of sweet, tangy human blood.

“No way” I whispered as Felix turned to me with concern before I roughly pushed the doors to see Aro, Marcus, and Caius sitting high on their chairs as the rest of the guard took their places. Their eyes on the intruder than at me.

My eyes are trained on the man in front of me, barely taking notice of the frightened small human girl standing behind him.

He was just as I remembered except his eyes were lighter, not from blood, however, but from that unmistakable, undeniable truth of the mating bond.

His shoulders were slumped, his eyes bright yet tired and when he looked at me pain came to his eyes as he looked at me with an expression I haven’t seen since the last time I saw him.

“Edward” I whispered


	11. Stone Cold

“What the hell?”

Shock ran through me, like ice water through my veins. If my heart were still beating it would have been racing. I flipped my hood backward to reveal my face, tendrils of my hair breaking free, and resting on my shoulder.

“Edward” I repeated looking at him from a distance from the doors, my hands balling into fists, my mouth opening and closing trying to find the right words to say.

Rage, anguish, and confusion crashed on me so fast I could barely keep track of them all.

He just stood there looking at me, his mouth a thin line until a sneeze broke the quiet tension and my focus shifted to the human girl behind him.

She’s about medium height, around the same height as me except I’m an inch lower than her, her blonde hair is tied in a loose braid and her green eyes are red and blotchy. She has spotted freckles along with her nose that spread to her red, tear-stained cheeks and her chapped white lips were open in a gasp as she looks at me, her eyes holding terror, determination, love, and guilt.

Edward looking behind her and staring back at me with the same guilty expression I immediately knew who she is.

The guilt was all the confirmation I needed.

“This is your mate,” I said in disbelief my voice ringing like bells in the quiet room. As I took one step closer, on instinct Edward pulls her one step back.

At his reaction I stopped and let out a scoff and rolled my eyes, putting my mouth in a hard line. “Oh, would you stop that? I’m not going to hurt her” I said crossing my arms, venom, and bitterness in my voice. “I would think you know me better than that,” I said quietly, hurt leaking though as I avoided his expression looking at the wall.

“What are you doing here?” I asked scathing, glaring at him as he stands straight, putting his mate further behind his body as Aro coughed to get our attention.

It isn’t until then did I remember we had an audience and gritting my teeth, I felt Felix’s hand on my back leading me to the front of the steps where I stood beside Santiago in the front of Aro’s chair as Felix took his place next to Dimitri further up.

It took everything I have to stay quiet as Edward stared at Aro with an unreadable expression on his face while Aro clapped his hands and looked at all three of us with a huge smile. 

“Ah, young Edward, here again, except this time with another human in tow! Tell me, what is your fascination with humans hmm? Why I can understand it with our dear Bella here” He said waving his hand toward me and I clamped my lips shut while balling my fists. “For her amazing gift, have you also found another gifted human as well? Are you so lucky to have found another treasure?” He asked gliding down the stairs as Edward steps fully in front of the human while she shrank back, her eyes darting around the room with her gaze lingering on me. I didn’t look back.

“May I?” Aro asked handing out his hand towards them while Edward had his mouth set into a grim line.

“Okay,” The human says quietly stepping around Edward as his arm shoots out to hold her waist as she throws her hand towards Aro.

“I don’t know if I have a gift or not, but we came here to see you and mainly to see Bella.” Her voice was quiet and shaky, her fear showing through as she looked at me, with tears running down her cheeks. Aro, never one to miss an opportunity, grasped her hand as his eyes closed in concentration. 

Quirking one eyebrow I looked to Edward who seemed agitated at her outburst and with Aro so close to her. He sighed and stood by her side when suddenly Caius interrupted

“It doesn’t matter what you want, you insignificant girl! Aro this is absurd! Two humans! Death should have come to the first one when we knew and only by our order did they comply, but no more chances for the second! We were lenient with you the first-time boy!” Caius snarled as Edward growled and pulled her back from Aro’s grasp as she shrunk away from them, hiding in his back.

“Now, now brother calm yourself. She will be changed by next summer, but they came at their own risk to seek aid from our dearest guest.” Aro stood back with a smile and pointed to me. 

“Quiet a request indeed however I will grant your wish for privacy. Our laws will not be broken, her change will come. Isn’t that right Edward?” Aro looked to him and with a reserved smile he spoke for the first time.

“Yes, she will be changed but due to appearances, it will have to wait until the winter. By then every loose thread will be tied. Astrid’s change is guaranteed.” He said strongly, never wavering, looking at each King in earnest.

Satisfied with his answer Caius begrudgingly mumbled an order for her change while Marcus simply nodded his head. Aro clapped his hands while nodding his head in the final agreement.

“Well brothers this has been an entertaining evening, but I believe the rest should be handled in Ms. Bella’s delicate hands. This order will commence. Miss Astrid’s change ordered. I do invite you both to recover here in our humble home for the night. Bella – “Aro said looking at me, giving me an odd look “Will escort you to your rooms. I do believe you have much to catch up on” Aro said with a smile and nodded my head as I looked at them both before the court was adjourned.

Trying to keep my cool I nodded my head towards the hallway behind me “Edward, Astrid” I grit out, trying to be pleasant “If you would follow me” I said turning my back.

“Bella, wait! Please!” Edward asked and in a flash he’s beside me, his human trailing behind him awkwardly avoiding us and instead of looking at the artwork on the walls. Edward his hand in hers began to speak so quickly that she wouldn’t be able to hear.

“I know this is a surprise” He started

“You think?” I said sarcastically, not daring to look at either of them.

“Bella I’m sorry, okay, I wouldn’t have come here. I wouldn’t even have brought her if it wasn’t important” He explained, running a hand through his hair, a habit I knew he did out of stress or nervousness.

“Yeah it seems you say sorry a lot for someone who keeps doing shit” I bit out before opening the heavy door of the guest room. One very similar to mine when I first arrived. I walked in first while I heard a quiet “thank you” from Astrid.

I ignored it and instead focused on Edward, something I knew she noticed and without a word settled herself on the bed, placing herself nearest to Edward while I stood by the door. ***

It’s a tense few moments as Edward, obviously looking for something to say, opens and closes his mouth. Rolling my eyes and growing impatient I growl out “What do you want Edward?” I ask

“Actually, it’s what I want,” Astrid says quietly from the bed. Looking over, the girl stands and bravely walking until she’s standing in front of me, her arms by her sides as she sets her jaw. Her eyes a mix of determination and desperation.

“I know I’m probably the last person you want to see right now. I know that I’m partly responsible for why you’re here in the first place.” She said shakily, looking me in the eye “And I know that you must hate me for stealing something that you felt was yours. I just want you to know that I would never go after someone that’s not mine, not ever!” She says fiercely, tears in her eyes “but I couldn’t control this, Edward couldn’t control this. It just happened.” She says quietly and pursing my lips I look towards Edward who was nodding his head and balling my fists I take a step back. Steeling myself from the onslaught of emotion. I was not going to get into this right now, not now.

“I don’t care about that,” I say icily, glaring at Edward as she shrinks back from my hostility, as Edward comes and takes her in his arms, glaring at me.

“What’s done is done. It can’t be changed. It won’t be changed, and I seriously doubt you both came all this way to give me an unneeded and quite frankly unwanted apology. You come here, no warning whatsoever which was not appreciated because you want something. Now please, if you don’t mind, tell me what it is you want so you can both go.” I said stone-faced, crossing my arms.

“Bella” Astrid begins to say coming towards me again “I realize what I’m asking is crazy and you strike me as the kind of woman who doesn’t care for flattery but instead just straightforwardness so here it is” She says, the determination coming back full force as she stands tall.

“Edward told me you possess a gift, a shield of sorts. He’s told me what you can do, and the kinds of abilities shields can do. I wanted to meet you in person, I wanted to ask you in person since I don’t believe this should be made over a phone call. I’m sorry for the short notice but we had to leave fast. Time is of the ensconce you see.” She says, wringing her hands together “My mother is sick. Really sick.” She whispers, tears coming back to her eyes “She has early-onset dementia and advanced pancreatic cancer. She doesn’t remember much anymore. I don’t think she knows about her cancer at all. We’re just trying to make her comfortable. In fact, she won’t be around much longer” Her voice breaks at the last word and even through the steely resolve I have, I can’t help but feel for the girl in front of me.

“What I’m asking, I know is a lot, especially for you, I know it's incredibly selfish, but I have to try you know?” She asks, looking me in the eye before taking the chain around her neck, pulling it free to reveal a beautiful, old fashioned engagement ring.

I hold in a gasp as she rolls it in her hand, looking back at me with tear-filled eyes “We want to get married before I change, but my mom won’t be there. I mean she will physically but not all the way. Carlisle says there’s very little he can do but he knows the power of a shield and if you can – “ She takes in a shaky breath looking back at me “if you can shield that part of her brain just enough for her to see me get married, see me be happy and for me to say goodbye I will be in debated to you more so than I already am” She pleads with me, her hand grasping the ring around her neck.

I know that ring. It was Edward’s mother. I knew he kept it, we even talked about me possibly wearing it if the time ever came but I know it was never meant for me.

Seeing her delicate hand grasping it, I know it would be a perfect fit on her finger. A perfect fit just for her, or should I say just for him.

I close my eyes, the warring feelings inside me tumbling like a great stormy sea, crashing down and raising up. The evil thoughts inside, telling me she deserves her mother not being there, but I squash it down.

What kind of person thinks that way? What kind of person would I be if I turned her down? This small, innocent human girl who I know isn’t responsible for my unhappiness, yet I know without her existence most of my problems wouldn’t’ exist either.

Yet that’s cruel thinking and I know I would give almost anything to still have my own mother. Cancer is a horrible disease, long and torturous or quick and swift to take, but it takes. It takes and takes until there is nothing left.

Looking into her weepy eyes I know she knows that pain. The pain I felt, and still feel when I wish my mom was here and that desperation to take it away and cure her of everything. Even if it means taking it on yourself.

So, sighing in frustration I take one final look and say, “I can’t promise anything, my shield isn’t developed enough but…I’ll do my best.” I say reserved looking at her blinding smile out of the corner of my eye.

“Thank you! Thank you so much! You have no idea how much this means to me!” She exclaims, the tears returning.

Facing her I say “Actually, I do,” I say gravely and shifting my eyes to Edward who has the faintest smile on his face I whisper under my breath “Meet me in the courtyard in an hour” and seeing his nod I excuse myself and quickly make my way down the hall and running to my room quickly shutting the door.

Releasing a long breath, I slide down the door and stare blankly at the wall.

What did I just do?

Oh my gosh.

Feeling tears in my eyes I continue to look, hoping that if I stare long enough it will help me make sense of this new predicament.

Jacob I could handle, he would be mad, livid but I knew what to expect from him. He was safe.

Edward wasn’t. He wasn’t safe, not even from the day I met him.

What am I going to do?

* * *

Walking to the courtyard, I felt the slight breeze as the sun started to set, twilight emerging. This was always Edward’s favorite part of the day. Mine too. Sighing and leaning against a pillar I close my eyes listening to the sounds around me. Waiting for the unmistakable walk of the man I was waiting for.

Hearing the crunch of leaves, I open my eyes to see him approaching, his hands in his pockets and hair shining like a penny.

“Edward,” I said in greeting

“Bella,” He said “I know we have a lot to talk about, but I hoped to start off with my apologies again. I know you said you didn’t want them, but I can’t imagine the position you must be in right now.”

“Yeah, well, you do have that right, you can’t imagine it.” I said softly moving past him and walking towards the woods I nod my head in question towards the woods and as he follows, I pick up my pace to a run.

Stopping in the middle of a clearing and making sure we weren’t followed I turned to him and shook my head, the mask falling and my shoulders slumping.

“Edward, what are you doing here?” I asked softly

“Bella, Astrid needs – “

“That’s not it and we both know it!” I interrupted, yelling “You and I both know my shield is not strong enough for that. It’s barely a shield! I don’t have the first clue to do something like that! I mean fuck! Edward, what’s the real reason?” I asked wildly

“Bella believes it or not that is the real reason. It just happened to line up.” Edward said gravely “Look, Alice saw something okay? Whatever you did in the last few days altered everything. Bella, we’re here to help you.”

“What?” I asked

“I don’t know what she saw, she covered it up before I could see anything, but it did involve you Bella, and…it wasn’t pretty. Jacob coming here would be a really bad thing right now. You must believe me on that. So, I convinced Jacob to let me come in his place and it just happened that Astrid’s request was perfect timing.”

“Wait a minute here, you visited Jacob?” I asked, shocked

“Yes, and he wasn’t too happy to see me.” He said with a grudge

Letting out a breath and looking at Edward’s somber face it clicked.

“You know, don’t you. What I’m doing? Alice saw my death, didn’t she?” I asked quietly and seeing Edward’s eyes shift I snapped.

“Edward answer me! She saw me dying, didn’t she? She must have because why would you come if not for something drastic?” I asked looking away

“Bella you saved my life that day, I was at my lowest I thought you were dead, and now here’s my chance to repay you for what you did. You saved my life and now I want to help save yours.” He said somberly

“HA” I let out a bitter laugh “Save me? Didn’t you already repay your debt? When I jumped and you saved me on the beach? Didn’t you repay it then? Because I think you did, so Edward doesn’t worry. Your debt is repaid so you can leave now with your precious Astrid and I’ll be here dealing with my own problems. So not to worry you, but I got it” I said bitterly and turned

“Oh, and by the way,” I said turning to see his stormy expression “I’ll still honor her request, I may not like her, but I won’t do anything to purposely hurt her. I bite out and stalk away before I hear Edward’s angry response stops me in my tracks.

“Oh, would you shut up Bella”

Turning shocked at what he said he continued “You know you have a lot of nerve to assume I don’t care about you, you know that? You drag me out here and then rip me out for what? For finding a mate, or for saving your life when you were so obviously trying to end it? Or even better for trying to help you in what is clearly over your head!” He yelled, fuming

“Yes, Alice saw you die. You died by fire Bella, you died because that dog would have come and something about him coming tipped them off and you died. So, forgive me, Bella, for stopping that. Forgive me Bella for finding my soul mate but still loving you in the process. Forgive me Bella for still caring.”

Shocked, I looked down on my shoes as Edward took a few steps closer to me “Bella, despite what you think I didn’t come simply for Astrid. I came because I care about you and I don’t want you dead. I do love you, Bella Swan, and the reason you so angry with me is that you still love me too. It’s the same love you have for the family I’m sure. Why your so angry with all of us and why you haven’t even called.” He finished quietly. 

“Do you blame me? After everything? I mean Edward it was like you tossed me to the side! Not to mention your family helped you hide it! Hide her! You didn’t trust me with the truth! You didn’t even give me the decency of a proper explanation you just left! It was like a repeat of last time, except worse!”

I looked back to Edward’s face, his somber eyes meeting mine “Charlie died, Edward, he died trying to protect me. When you left, when everyone left, I had Charlie. He was the one stitch keeping me from unraveling.” Tears started to enter my eyes as I remembered that night.

“The screaming, the confusion, her smile. Her revenge was completed Edward, she took something away from me as we did to her. She wanted me to see it, she wanted me to know how much pain he was in. She wanted him to suffer.” I whispered.

“When Jake came, it was too late. She was finished and I was the one who carried his body inside. He was cold, his eyes were open, and he barely had enough time to tell me it was okay. That he was okay!” I screeched, finally letting it out

“Jake dragged me away, do you remember that?! Huh! You came and I was broken, crumbled into a ball on the floor watching the only family I truly had left this world! You know I was constantly told that you were my family! That all of you loved me! Well if you loved me where were you!?” I hissed out as Edward bowed his head

“Edward, damn you answer me! You never answered this question, at least I know where you were but damn it, Edward, I need to hear it from the horse’s mouth! Were you with her? Were all of you with her on that night?!”

“Bella, I – “Sighing and looking away he reluctantly nodded his head and I hissed out a breath, the anger rolling in my stomach coming back up and I threw up blood. Retching sounds pierced the air as cold hands held my hair back.

“Don’t touch me” I said weakly, pushing his hands back with little strength.

“Bella, I’m sorry, we didn’t know, we thought it was safe, that you were safe, that everyone was safe. When Alice saw it, Bella please believe us we tried to make it but – “Edward's words stopped short as he stepped back. None of his words could make what happened better. Nothing could make that tragedy better.

“It wasn’t! You know, when you all arrived and comforted me and told me it was going to be okay, I didn’t believe you” I said, glaring at him

“I don’t believe you, even now, months after that I got better, if only because I knew it was going to be better for me. That I was going to be with them again. Mom was heartbreaking, but at least with her we were prepared. She wasn’t going to be hurting but Charlie? My dad! He didn’t have that mercy and if it wasn’t for me, he would still be here.” I said, clumping grass in my fists as I felt Edward’s hand on my shoulder.

“Bella that wasn’t the answer you know it,” he said gravely

“Wasn’t it?” I yelled, jumping and facing him

“I would be better, that I know, I wouldn’t be here, questioning everything, possibly being hunted by a murderer! You know there was always that little bit of doubt that I’m crazy and she did die in that field but if what your saying is true then I’m right! In fact, I’m probably right about a lot of things but who said I wanted to be! Who said I even wanted this!” Who I even wanted to be alive!” I screamed

“Bella!” Edward said aghast

“Oh, don’t ‘Bella’ me! You know if you would have let me go that night none of this would be an issue! You and Astrid would be fine without me in your way! None of you would even bother to get involved in this and everything would be fine!” I yelled wildly

“Bella, damn it, would you stop with that shit!” Edward roared, his eyes blazing with anger

“You don’t mean this; I know you don’t! You're just overwhelmed and quite frankly, hurt, because of what we did! I get that! Okay, we weren’t there, we let you down in the worst way possible but damn it, your is worth saving!”

“Oh, you can suddenly read my mind now! What a relief, oh Edward Cullen, you hero! You saved me! What a terrible fate I would have endured! It would be awful to suffer knowing your mate, the love of your life, was so selfish to pursue something he wasn’t 100% for and that a loving father lost his life for no reason and that when trying to escape from all the drama I could have found me in a more than millennia mystery! Oh, thank you for sparing me!” I bite out sarcastically.

“Damn it! Bella! Would you shut up and listen to yourself! What happened to you!” He asked brokenly

“Everything” I whispered

Sighing, Edward slumped his shoulders and seeing the sun peeking over the hills turned to me and said

“Listen, Bella, it’s obvious nothing I can say is going to help you, but I am trying to help you. Not because of guilt, or because of some debt but because I genuinely love you and care for you. So, I’ll leave you alone for right now but, Bella, please, come back to Forks. Not for Astrid but for you as well. See Jake, see your pack, and see your family. We care for you, Bella”

Letting out a scoff I whisper with my back turned to him “I told Astrid I would come, and I would try, I seriously doubt I can be of any help, but I’ll try,”

“Thank you, I know she really, really appreciates it.” Edward whispered

“Oh, and just so the record can be clear,” I said turning and standing in front of him “I’m not mad at Astrid. I don’t blame her for any of this. Sure, I don’t particularly like her, but that’s not her fault. I’m pissed with you. I blame you. Not for the mating bond, because that can’t be helped, I understand that. Hell, I don’t even blame you for Charlie or the mess I’m in now, because that’s on me” I whispered

“However, I do blame you for everything else,” I whispered looking into his eyes.

“I know, I blame myself too” He whispered, his eyes looking into mine and at that moment, I saw torment, love, and fear. It was so strong I had to look away.

“Here,” He said putting a piece of stiff paper in my hand “These are the tickets you’re going to need for tonight for the flight to Seattle. Astrid and I will leave this morning, that way you can have some distance on the plane.” He said quietly

Looking down I counted three and looking up I gave Edward a look of confusion. “Edward, in case you haven’t noticed, I’m only one person.”

“Alice,” He said before giving me a small smile and running back to the castle, leaving me with my thoughts.

* * *

Returning to the palace I was greeted by Dimitri who smiled as I walked into the game room with Felix. “Hey Bells, you just missed you’re, uh, guests,” He said looking uncomfortable.

“Yeah, um, I had a conversation with Edward before they left, I knew they were leaving early,” I said standing against the wall.

“Are you okay Bella?” Felix asked, concerned

“Yes, I’m okay, it was just, it was a, um, it was a difficult conversation, but it needed to happen. Do any of you happen to know where Jane is? I tried looking for her in her room, but she wasn’t there” I asked

“Uh, yeah, I think she’s in the gym.” Dimitri supplied

“Perfect, thanks guys, I’ll see you later,” I said, distracted, leaving and walking down the hallways, my feet softly leaving an echo.

Did I really mean what I said? Is it better to be dead than alive right now? I mean I guess I don’t have a choice now but if I could back, would I choose to die?

I don’t think so, I was just angry, but the thought is appealing. Leaving everything behind and not feeling anything. Of course, faith says something different, eternal fate in fire and everything. Mom was devoted to the stuff and I know I have my faith in her but it’s so tempting. I mean I can’t believe it because that means mom and dad aren’t in a good place and I won’t accept that. How could they not be at peace in their happy place? They were so good. Too good for this world. Maybe that’s why I didn’t die because death was too good for me. Because a half-life is better suited for someone like me.

I couldn’t save Charlie; I couldn’t even save myself. Why would I think I can save the legacy of a woman I don’t even know? Is it worth it anymore? I don’t know. I feel like I don’t know anything anymore.

Sighing, I turned around, Jane doesn’t want to hear this I’m sure. I don’t want to burden her with this; these are my problems, not hers. Not anyone’s. Feeling the tickets in my pocket I closed my eyes and release a breath through my nose.

Would it even be worth it to go back? What would be the point? Maybe Edward was right, Jake coming here was a bad idea and I can’t put him in danger. It was selfish and stupid, and I won’t do that to my friend.

Feeling a buzz in my pocket I take out my phone to see a text from none other than Alice:

_"Come home Bella; even if you think it's pointless, I know Jake misses you and wants to see you. So, if you won’t come for you, at least come for your pack."  
_

Sighing and shaking my head I place it back in my pocket. Welp, at least I know Alice is looking out for me. Although I don’t know if that’s good or bad either way Jake would be upset if I didn’t come home.

He was so sad on the phone when he hadn’t heard from me. I can’t do that to him. Sighing I walk in the direction of Aro’s chambers and knocking once I step in to see a smiling Aro.

“Hello my dear, welcome! What brings you on this beautiful morning?” H asked and smiling softly I know he knows.

“Aro, I assume you know what I’m going to ask?”

With a small smile and chuckle he nods his head “So, you agreed to the Cullen boy’s request? I must say, I’m a little surprised dearest, Bella. You do know it’s for his mate, don’t you?” He asked with a small glint in his eye.

I bristled slightly and nodded my head “Yes, he told me everything. With all due respect as much as I dislike Edward now, it wasn’t her fault. She had no responsibility in this, the mating bond is simply too strong once it's accepted, and humans are far weaker than we are when it comes to emotions. I should know” I said with a small smile.

Laughing lightly, he said “Of course, well I am happy to know that you seem to be taking this in stride. You are a strong woman, especially for helping them as you are. I didn’t know your shield was this developed already?” He inquired with a raised eyebrow and at that I let out a laugh

“It’s not. I just gained control of protecting myself and just learning how to cover someone else physically. What they requested is far more advanced than what I can do, but I promised I would try. For her.” I said strongly looking his face on.

“Of course, of course, well Carlisle did work closely with Eleazar for a few centuries, so I’m sure he can help you with your gift. When you return, I look forward to any progress that was made” he said looking excited. “To see you at your full capacity would be a sight indeed. You would be very powerful.” He whispered and looking back to me with an exciting spark in his eye he asked me “So, when are you leaving?”

“Oh, um, I think tonight,” I said pulling out the tickets.

“I see, ah, normal for the Cullen’s always immediate. Well, I hope you have a nice trip, and Bella since you are technically a guest would you be terribly inconvenienced if two of my guard were to escort you? For my own curiosity? There is to be a wedding on the shapeshifters territory, and I am ever so curious about them” He asked bouncing his seat.

“A wedding?” I said surprised

“Ah, yes, my apologies, I do remember it was supposed to be a surprise to you. A certain Sam Utley and Emily Young are to be wed? Young Edward was hiding it from you and planned to tell you when he spoke to you. I’m guessing he didn’t get the chance” He said smiling apologetically.

“No, he didn’t, yes I know exactly who they are; he’s actually more of a brother to me so I can see why he wanted to surprise me but I’m glad it’s not a surprise anymore, that way I know what to pack.” I said lightly

“Splendid! Thank you for honoring my request and of course it's up to you who you choose to accompany you. I’m sure you must have certain names in mind” He said laughing.

“Yes, I must admit I was planning on asking Jane and Alec. I have grown rather close to both during my stay” I smiled back.

“Of course! Of course, well have fun and wish the newlyweds well from me and oh! I have the perfect gift!” Aro said and standing going over to the large armoire in the corner of the room, pulls out a rather large gold necklace, with a golf ball-sized diamond hanging from the thick rope.

“Here, let them do with this what they will. From what I gathered they are not as financially stable as the Cullen’s and that is no way to start a life together! This should help them start a good nest egg! My gift to them” He said handing me the necklace and shocked I say

“Thank you, Aro, and not to be impolite but this is such a generous gift…” I trail on with Aro shaking his hands

“Oh, my dear, because it is a gift! I am the richest being in the world! The silly necklace means nothing to a man like me but will mean everything to people like them. Plus, consider it a peace offering and the beginnings to an alliance between us and our new American shapeshifter allies.” He declared and laughing I nod my head goodbye.

“Thank you, Aro,” I say before closing the door once again and head to my room.

I should have known it would be more than a simple ‘gift’. Laughing softly to myself I can only imagine their faces when they see something like this. Hell, my eyes almost bugged out of my head when I saw this diamond. Packing it lightly in my carry on. I look at my journal and pursing my lips throw it in there as well. It has all the information from Didyme’s books and if I ever get a chance alone, I need to take advantage of it.

Screw if it’s worth it, if it is then at least I’m giving myself that chance.

Packing a few more clothes and necessities I hear a knock on my door and opening it I find Jane and Alec with bags in their hands.

“Whoa, I guess you already know huh?” I smiled sheepishly as Jane grinned

“Aro sent for us shortly after you left and told us our newest assignment, although I think this is more of a glamorized vacation. I haven’t been to a wedding in so long! At least a few centuries!” She said excitedly with Alec smirking lightly at Jane.

“Janie has never seen another species wedding custom so; this should be different,” he said very factually before turning and walking down the hallway.

“Tsk, Alec you don’t have a romantic bone in your body, do you? It's more than ‘customs’ plus these people are important to you, aren’t they?” Jane asked as I swung my backpack over my shoulder and walked with her. Alec shaking his head in front of us.

“Yes, um, Sam is like a brother to me. I’ve known him since I was a kid and Emily has grown to be a good friend. I’m excited to see them marry. Finally. They’ve been together for years, but I know with the wolves it was hard to become stable but now that everything is stabilized, they can finally marry.” I explained

* * *

Boarding the private jet, I picked a seat near the window while Jane and Alec made themselves comfortable. Feeling takeoff, I let my mind wander about what could be waiting for me.

No doubt I would have to be around Edward and Astrid for a good amount of time and that would include the rest of the Cullen’s. Is my shield even that advanced? I mean if I even attempt it and something goes wrong? I can’t even think of it.

Plus seeing Jacob and Leah and the rest of the pack, I mean it would be nice to see them, I just hope that I’m the same, Bella. Although I don’t feel like the same Bella. I just want to celebrate Sam and Emily and hopefully not be around Edward and Astrid’s wedding. I don’t think I’m strong enough for that.

Biting my lip, I shut my eyes and try to think about something else. There’s always Didyme but that’s a can of worms I’m not opening when I’m trying to relax.

Feeling the seat next to me shift, I sigh and keep my eyes closed.

“You know, for someone who agreed to help her ex, you seem the right amount of anxious I thought you would be,” Alec said

“Yes, well, what was I supposed to do? Say no?” I asked cracking my eyes open and seeing his face.

“Well, in theory, you could have, but knowing you, that wasn’t an option was it?” He asked

“I did think about it” I admitted

“So why didn’t you say no? You would have been in the right to do so” He asked, his curiosity coming through.

Sighing, I sat up and turned to him “Because it wouldn’t have been right. Yes, I would be in the right but that doesn’t make it right, now does it?” I asked “Besides, going back home, I’m doing it more for me. I mean I wouldn’t miss Sam and Emily’s wedding for anything.” I said half heartily, shifting my eyes away from his gaze.

“Your lying again,” He said blatantly

“No, I’m not,” I said, scowling lightly

“And now, your lying to yourself,” He said

Rolling my eyes, I slumped back in my seat and faced the window. Seeing his reflection, he shook his head and scoffed “Bella, come on, look it’s obvious to everyone on this plane that you’re not happy about going back. The most helpful thing you can do is at least admit it to yourself and stop making excuses for it. You're pissed. Accept it. It’s okay to be mad” He said, facing forward.

“Fine! I’m mad, is that what you want to hear?” I asked, frustrated

“Well, partly, I mean it’s a good start anyways”

Blowing a raspberry, I shook my head “Look, I just don’t know what to expect and I’m trying to keep my mind positive. There’s nothing wrong with that” I said defensively.

“Normally you would be right but, it’s not healthy. Take it from me, I avoid feelings because frankly I don’t like them, but I also know if I don’t deal with them there going to make themselves known in one way or another.” He warned 

“So…you’re a pot calling a kettle black?” I asked looking at him

“In a way, look, I just know that this isn’t going to be easy for you and I also know that this – “gesturing to me “is not helping you.” He said

“Alec’s right, Bella,” Jane said from her seat and in a blink of an eye she was in the seat behind me, her arms on top of my headrest.

“I heard from Dimitri that your talk with Edward wasn’t that great. He said you looked, and I quote “like she got fucked up”

“Dimitri said that?” I asked turning towards her, my eyebrows scrunching together

“Plus, Felix, my point being, you’re not good at hiding how you feel and we both know how your feeling now which nothing short of anger, sadness, and anxiety,” Jane said her voice pointed.

Sighing I looked down, my hair covering my face. Biting my lip, I looked back up and said “Your both right, okay I’m struggling with this. I mean it was a shock, to see him there, after all this time. Especially seeing him with her. It hurt but mainly it just cemented everything. It’s not that I’m jealous or anything but that I was so easy to replace. I was his amber but she’s his gold. I’m trying to be happy for them because anything else feels so awful, but I guess, it hurts knowing that I was always second. Even when I was equal to him, to them, I was never enough, and it feels that I may never be enough for anything.” I said quietly, my hair covering my face as I turned towards the window. 

“Oh, Bella, I – “Jane started but with a look from Alec, she closed her mouth.

“Jane, do you mind if I have a moment alone with Bella,” Alec asked tensely and with a look shared between the two, Jane nodded and left to the front of the plane giving a sense of privacy.

“Look, Alec before you say anything, I know it’s not true and that I am good enough and everything. It’s just this is where I am right now and I’m trying really hard to get my headspace out of that, but I’ve heard it before, you know?” I said softly

“Well that wasn’t what I was going to say but okay, I’m glad you at least know it's not true,” Alec said, still tense.

“Then what were you going to say?” I asked, slightly curious now

“Well, I was going to say was fuck the Cullen kid. I know you may defend him Bella, but it wasn’t right what he did, though I’m sure you know that. What I was going to say was I’m glad you're feeling this way.” He said boldly

“What?” I asked shocked “Your happy I feel worthless,” I asked hurt leaking in my voice.

“No, I’m not happy you feel worthless, I’m actually pretty pissed that you were made to feel that way. What I’m happy about is that even though you feel this way, you at least know what it is and that even though it doesn’t feel good now, your healing.” He said, his eyes intense and his face close to mine.

I could see the fire in his eyes; the honesty and the anger. It made me feel a little better seeing his genuineness in his eyes. Smiling softly, I say a quiet “thank you”

“Yeah, don’t mention it” He said stiffly before moving to the front of the plane and looking out his own window, looking deep in thought.

After a pause, I said quietly to him “You know for someone who says he’s not good at relationships or friendships; you’re doing exceptionally well.”

“Yeah, well, I’ve had some practice that I learned a great deal from.” He said cryptically before turning away and looking back out the window.

Before long I heard Jane from the front with the news, I’ve been dreading this whole flight.

“We’re now in Seattle. Bella, it’s time to go.”


	12. Stone Cold

“What the hell?”

Shock ran through me, like ice water through my veins. If my heart were still beating it would have been racing. I flipped my hood backward to reveal my face, tendrils of my hair breaking free, and resting on my shoulder.

“Edward” I repeated looking at him from a distance from the doors, my hands balling into fists, my mouth opening and closing trying to find the right words to say.

Rage, anguish, and confusion crashed on me so fast I could barely keep track of them all.

He just stood there looking at me, his mouth a thin line until a sneeze broke the quiet tension and my focus shifted to the human girl behind him.

She’s about medium height, around the same height as me except I’m an inch lower than her, her blonde hair is tied in a loose braid and her green eyes are red and blotchy. She has spotted freckles along with her nose that spread to her red, tear-stained cheeks and her chapped white lips were open in a gasp as she looks at me, her eyes holding terror, determination, love, and guilt.

Edward looking behind her and staring back at me with the same guilty expression I immediately knew who she is.

The guilt was all the confirmation I needed.

“This is your mate,” I said in disbelief my voice ringing like bells in the quiet room. As I took one step closer, on instinct Edward pulls her one step back.

At his reaction I stopped and let out a scoff and rolled my eyes, putting my mouth in a hard line. “Oh, would you stop that? I’m not going to hurt her” I said crossing my arms, venom, and bitterness in my voice. “I would think you know me better than that,” I said quietly, hurt leaking though as I avoided his expression looking at the wall.

“What are you doing here?” I asked scathing, glaring at him as he stands straight, putting his mate further behind his body as Aro coughed to get our attention.

It isn’t until then did I remember we had an audience and gritting my teeth, I felt Felix’s hand on my back leading me to the front of the steps where I stood beside Santiago in the front of Aro’s chair as Felix took his place next to Dimitri further up.

It took everything I have to stay quiet as Edward stared at Aro with an unreadable expression on his face while Aro clapped his hands and looked at all three of us with a huge smile. 

“Ah, young Edward, here again, except this time with another human in tow! Tell me, what is your fascination with humans hmm? Why I can understand it with our dear Bella here” He said waving his hand toward me and I clamped my lips shut while balling my fists. “For her amazing gift, have you also found another gifted human as well? Are you so lucky to have found another treasure?” He asked gliding down the stairs as Edward steps fully in front of the human while she shrank back, her eyes darting around the room with her gaze lingering on me. I didn’t look back.

“May I?” Aro asked handing out his hand towards them while Edward had his mouth set into a grim line.

“Okay,” The human says quietly stepping around Edward as his arm shoots out to hold her waist as she throws her hand towards Aro.

“I don’t know if I have a gift or not, but we came here to see you and mainly to see Bella.” Her voice was quiet and shaky, her fear showing through as she looked at me, with tears running down her cheeks. Aro, never one to miss an opportunity, grasped her hand as his eyes closed in concentration. 

Quirking one eyebrow I looked to Edward who seemed agitated at her outburst and with Aro so close to her. He sighed and stood by her side when suddenly Caius interrupted

“It doesn’t matter what you want, you insignificant girl! Aro this is absurd! Two humans! Death should have come to the first one when we knew and only by our order did they comply, but no more chances for the second! We were lenient with you the first-time boy!” Caius snarled as Edward growled and pulled her back from Aro’s grasp as she shrunk away from them, hiding in his back.

“Now, now brother calm yourself. She will be changed by next summer, but they came at their own risk to seek aid from our dearest guest.” Aro stood back with a smile and pointed to me. 

“Quiet a request indeed however I will grant your wish for privacy. Our laws will not be broken, her change will come. Isn’t that right Edward?” Aro looked to him and with a reserved smile he spoke for the first time.

“Yes, she will be changed but due to appearances, it will have to wait until the winter. By then every loose thread will be tied. Astrid’s change is guaranteed.” He said strongly, never wavering, looking at each King in earnest.

Satisfied with his answer Caius begrudgingly mumbled an order for her change while Marcus simply nodded his head. Aro clapped his hands while nodding his head in the final agreement.

“Well brothers this has been an entertaining evening, but I believe the rest should be handled in Ms. Bella’s delicate hands. This order will commence. Miss Astrid’s change ordered. I do invite you both to recover here in our humble home for the night. Bella – “Aro said looking at me, giving me an odd look “Will escort you to your rooms. I do believe you have much to catch up on” Aro said with a smile and nodded my head as I looked at them both before the court was adjourned.

Trying to keep my cool I nodded my head towards the hallway behind me “Edward, Astrid” I grit out, trying to be pleasant “If you would follow me” I said turning my back.

“Bella, wait! Please!” Edward asked and in a flash he’s beside me, his human trailing behind him awkwardly avoiding us and instead of looking at the artwork on the walls. Edward his hand in hers began to speak so quickly that she wouldn’t be able to hear.

“I know this is a surprise” He started

“You think?” I said sarcastically, not daring to look at either of them.

“Bella I’m sorry, okay, I wouldn’t have come here. I wouldn’t even have brought her if it wasn’t important” He explained, running a hand through his hair, a habit I knew he did out of stress or nervousness.

“Yeah it seems you say sorry a lot for someone who keeps doing shit” I bit out before opening the heavy door of the guest room. One very similar to mine when I first arrived. I walked in first while I heard a quiet “thank you” from Astrid.

I ignored it and instead focused on Edward, something I knew she noticed and without a word settled herself on the bed, placing herself nearest to Edward while I stood by the door. ***

It’s a tense few moments as Edward, obviously looking for something to say, opens and closes his mouth. Rolling my eyes and growing impatient I growl out “What do you want Edward?” I ask

“Actually, it’s what I want,” Astrid says quietly from the bed. Looking over, the girl stands and bravely walking until she’s standing in front of me, her arms by her sides as she sets her jaw. Her eyes a mix of determination and desperation.

“I know I’m probably the last person you want to see right now. I know that I’m partly responsible for why you’re here in the first place.” She said shakily, looking me in the eye “And I know that you must hate me for stealing something that you felt was yours. I just want you to know that I would never go after someone that’s not mine, not ever!” She says fiercely, tears in her eyes “but I couldn’t control this, Edward couldn’t control this. It just happened.” She says quietly and pursing my lips I look towards Edward who was nodding his head and balling my fists I take a step back. Steeling myself from the onslaught of emotion. I was not going to get into this right now, not now.

“I don’t care about that,” I say icily, glaring at Edward as she shrinks back from my hostility, as Edward comes and takes her in his arms, glaring at me.

“What’s done is done. It can’t be changed. It won’t be changed, and I seriously doubt you both came all this way to give me an unneeded and quite frankly unwanted apology. You come here, no warning whatsoever which was not appreciated because you want something. Now please, if you don’t mind, tell me what it is you want so you can both go.” I said stone-faced, crossing my arms.

“Bella” Astrid begins to say coming towards me again “I realize what I’m asking is crazy and you strike me as the kind of woman who doesn’t care for flattery but instead just straightforwardness so here it is” She says, the determination coming back full force as she stands tall.

“Edward told me you possess a gift, a shield of sorts. He’s told me what you can do, and the kinds of abilities shields can do. I wanted to meet you in person, I wanted to ask you in person since I don’t believe this should be made over a phone call. I’m sorry for the short notice but we had to leave fast. Time is of the ensconce you see.” She says, wringing her hands together “My mother is sick. Really sick.” She whispers, tears coming back to her eyes “She has early-onset dementia and advanced pancreatic cancer. She doesn’t remember much anymore. I don’t think she knows about her cancer at all. We’re just trying to make her comfortable. In fact, she won’t be around much longer” Her voice breaks at the last word and even through the steely resolve I have, I can’t help but feel for the girl in front of me.

“What I’m asking, I know is a lot, especially for you, I know it's incredibly selfish, but I have to try you know?” She asks, looking me in the eye before taking the chain around her neck, pulling it free to reveal a beautiful, old fashioned engagement ring.

I hold in a gasp as she rolls it in her hand, looking back at me with tear-filled eyes “We want to get married before I change, but my mom won’t be there. I mean she will physically but not all the way. Carlisle says there’s very little he can do but he knows the power of a shield and if you can – “ She takes in a shaky breath looking back at me “if you can shield that part of her brain just enough for her to see me get married, see me be happy and for me to say goodbye I will be in debated to you more so than I already am” She pleads with me, her hand grasping the ring around her neck.

I know that ring. It was Edward’s mother. I knew he kept it, we even talked about me possibly wearing it if the time ever came but I know it was never meant for me.

Seeing her delicate hand grasping it, I know it would be a perfect fit on her finger. A perfect fit just for her, or should I say just for him.

I close my eyes, the warring feelings inside me tumbling like a great stormy sea, crashing down and raising up. The evil thoughts inside, telling me she deserves her mother not being there, but I squash it down.

What kind of person thinks that way? What kind of person would I be if I turned her down? This small, innocent human girl who I know isn’t responsible for my unhappiness, yet I know without her existence most of my problems wouldn’t’ exist either.

Yet that’s cruel thinking and I know I would give almost anything to still have my own mother. Cancer is a horrible disease, long and torturous or quick and swift to take, but it takes. It takes and takes until there is nothing left.

Looking into her weepy eyes I know she knows that pain. The pain I felt, and still feel when I wish my mom was here and that desperation to take it away and cure her of everything. Even if it means taking it on yourself.

So, sighing in frustration I take one final look and say, “I can’t promise anything, my shield isn’t developed enough but…I’ll do my best.” I say reserved looking at her blinding smile out of the corner of my eye.

“Thank you! Thank you so much! You have no idea how much this means to me!” She exclaims, the tears returning.

Facing her I say “Actually, I do,” I say gravely and shifting my eyes to Edward who has the faintest smile on his face I whisper under my breath “Meet me in the courtyard in an hour” and seeing his nod I excuse myself and quickly make my way down the hall and running to my room quickly shutting the door.

Releasing a long breath, I slide down the door and stare blankly at the wall.

What did I just do?

Oh my gosh.

Feeling tears in my eyes I continue to look, hoping that if I stare long enough it will help me make sense of this new predicament.

Jacob I could handle, he would be mad, livid but I knew what to expect from him. He was safe.

Edward wasn’t. He wasn’t safe, not even from the day I met him.

What am I going to do?

* * *

Walking to the courtyard, I felt the slight breeze as the sun started to set, twilight emerging. This was always Edward’s favorite part of the day. Mine too. Sighing and leaning against a pillar I close my eyes listening to the sounds around me. Waiting for the unmistakable walk of the man I was waiting for.

Hearing the crunch of leaves, I open my eyes to see him approaching, his hands in his pockets and hair shining like a penny.

“Edward,” I said in greeting

“Bella,” He said “I know we have a lot to talk about, but I hoped to start off with my apologies again. I know you said you didn’t want them, but I can’t imagine the position you must be in right now.”

“Yeah, well, you do have that right, you can’t imagine it.” I said softly moving past him and walking towards the woods I nod my head in question towards the woods and as he follows, I pick up my pace to a run.

Stopping in the middle of a clearing and making sure we weren’t followed I turned to him and shook my head, the mask falling and my shoulders slumping.

“Edward, what are you doing here?” I asked softly

“Bella, Astrid needs – “

“That’s not it and we both know it!” I interrupted, yelling “You and I both know my shield is not strong enough for that. It’s barely a shield! I don’t have the first clue to do something like that! I mean fuck! Edward, what’s the real reason?” I asked wildly

“Bella believes it or not that is the real reason. It just happened to line up.” Edward said gravely “Look, Alice saw something okay? Whatever you did in the last few days altered everything. Bella, we’re here to help you.”

“What?” I asked

“I don’t know what she saw, she covered it up before I could see anything, but it did involve you Bella, and…it wasn’t pretty. Jacob coming here would be a really bad thing right now. You must believe me on that. So, I convinced Jacob to let me come in his place and it just happened that Astrid’s request was perfect timing.”

“Wait a minute here, you visited Jacob?” I asked, shocked

“Yes, and he wasn’t too happy to see me.” He said with a grudge

Letting out a breath and looking at Edward’s somber face it clicked.

“You know, don’t you. What I’m doing? Alice saw my death, didn’t she?” I asked quietly and seeing Edward’s eyes shift I snapped.

“Edward answer me! She saw me dying, didn’t she? She must have because why would you come if not for something drastic?” I asked looking away

“Bella you saved my life that day, I was at my lowest I thought you were dead, and now here’s my chance to repay you for what you did. You saved my life and now I want to help save yours.” He said somberly

“HA” I let out a bitter laugh “Save me? Didn’t you already repay your debt? When I jumped and you saved me on the beach? Didn’t you repay it then? Because I think you did, so Edward doesn’t worry. Your debt is repaid so you can leave now with your precious Astrid and I’ll be here dealing with my own problems. So not to worry you, but I got it” I said bitterly and turned

“Oh, and by the way,” I said turning to see his stormy expression “I’ll still honor her request, I may not like her, but I won’t do anything to purposely hurt her. I bite out and stalk away before I hear Edward’s angry response stops me in my tracks.

“Oh, would you shut up Bella”

Turning shocked at what he said he continued “You know you have a lot of nerve to assume I don’t care about you, you know that? You drag me out here and then rip me out for what? For finding a mate, or for saving your life when you were so obviously trying to end it? Or even better for trying to help you in what is clearly over your head!” He yelled, fuming

“Yes, Alice saw you die. You died by fire Bella, you died because that dog would have come and something about him coming tipped them off and you died. So, forgive me, Bella, for stopping that. Forgive me Bella for finding my soul mate but still loving you in the process. Forgive me Bella for still caring.”

Shocked, I looked down on my shoes as Edward took a few steps closer to me “Bella, despite what you think I didn’t come simply for Astrid. I came because I care about you and I don’t want you dead. I do love you, Bella Swan, and the reason you so angry with me is that you still love me too. It’s the same love you have for the family I’m sure. Why your so angry with all of us and why you haven’t even called.” He finished quietly. 

“Do you blame me? After everything? I mean Edward it was like you tossed me to the side! Not to mention your family helped you hide it! Hide her! You didn’t trust me with the truth! You didn’t even give me the decency of a proper explanation you just left! It was like a repeat of last time, except worse!”

I looked back to Edward’s face, his somber eyes meeting mine “Charlie died, Edward, he died trying to protect me. When you left, when everyone left, I had Charlie. He was the one stitch keeping me from unraveling.” Tears started to enter my eyes as I remembered that night.

“The screaming, the confusion, her smile. Her revenge was completed Edward, she took something away from me as we did to her. She wanted me to see it, she wanted me to know how much pain he was in. She wanted him to suffer.” I whispered.

“When Jake came, it was too late. She was finished and I was the one who carried his body inside. He was cold, his eyes were open, and he barely had enough time to tell me it was okay. That he was okay!” I screeched, finally letting it out

“Jake dragged me away, do you remember that?! Huh! You came and I was broken, crumbled into a ball on the floor watching the only family I truly had left this world! You know I was constantly told that you were my family! That all of you loved me! Well if you loved me where were you!?” I hissed out as Edward bowed his head

“Edward, damn you answer me! You never answered this question, at least I know where you were but damn it, Edward, I need to hear it from the horse’s mouth! Were you with her? Were all of you with her on that night?!”

“Bella, I – “Sighing and looking away he reluctantly nodded his head and I hissed out a breath, the anger rolling in my stomach coming back up and I threw up blood. Retching sounds pierced the air as cold hands held my hair back.

“Don’t touch me” I said weakly, pushing his hands back with little strength.

“Bella, I’m sorry, we didn’t know, we thought it was safe, that you were safe, that everyone was safe. When Alice saw it, Bella please believe us we tried to make it but – “Edward's words stopped short as he stepped back. None of his words could make what happened better. Nothing could make that tragedy better.

“It wasn’t! You know, when you all arrived and comforted me and told me it was going to be okay, I didn’t believe you” I said, glaring at him

“I don’t believe you, even now, months after that I got better, if only because I knew it was going to be better for me. That I was going to be with them again. Mom was heartbreaking, but at least with her we were prepared. She wasn’t going to be hurting but Charlie? My dad! He didn’t have that mercy and if it wasn’t for me, he would still be here.” I said, clumping grass in my fists as I felt Edward’s hand on my shoulder.

“Bella that wasn’t the answer you know it,” he said gravely

“Wasn’t it?” I yelled, jumping and facing him

“I would be better, that I know, I wouldn’t be here, questioning everything, possibly being hunted by a murderer! You know there was always that little bit of doubt that I’m crazy and she did die in that field but if what your saying is true then I’m right! In fact, I’m probably right about a lot of things but who said I wanted to be! Who said I even wanted this!” Who I even wanted to be alive!” I screamed

“Bella!” Edward said aghast

“Oh, don’t ‘Bella’ me! You know if you would have let me go that night none of this would be an issue! You and Astrid would be fine without me in your way! None of you would even bother to get involved in this and everything would be fine!” I yelled wildly

“Bella, damn it, would you stop with that shit!” Edward roared, his eyes blazing with anger

“You don’t mean this; I know you don’t! You're just overwhelmed and quite frankly, hurt, because of what we did! I get that! Okay, we weren’t there, we let you down in the worst way possible but damn it, your is worth saving!”

“Oh, you can suddenly read my mind now! What a relief, oh Edward Cullen, you hero! You saved me! What a terrible fate I would have endured! It would be awful to suffer knowing your mate, the love of your life, was so selfish to pursue something he wasn’t 100% for and that a loving father lost his life for no reason and that when trying to escape from all the drama I could have found me in a more than millennia mystery! Oh, thank you for sparing me!” I bite out sarcastically.

“Damn it! Bella! Would you shut up and listen to yourself! What happened to you!” He asked brokenly

“Everything” I whispered

Sighing, Edward slumped his shoulders and seeing the sun peeking over the hills turned to me and said

“Listen, Bella, it’s obvious nothing I can say is going to help you, but I am trying to help you. Not because of guilt, or because of some debt but because I genuinely love you and care for you. So, I’ll leave you alone for right now but, Bella, please, come back to Forks. Not for Astrid but for you as well. See Jake, see your pack, and see your family. We care for you, Bella”

Letting out a scoff I whisper with my back turned to him “I told Astrid I would come, and I would try, I seriously doubt I can be of any help, but I’ll try,”

“Thank you, I know she really, really appreciates it.” Edward whispered

“Oh, and just so the record can be clear,” I said turning and standing in front of him “I’m not mad at Astrid. I don’t blame her for any of this. Sure, I don’t particularly like her, but that’s not her fault. I’m pissed with you. I blame you. Not for the mating bond, because that can’t be helped, I understand that. Hell, I don’t even blame you for Charlie or the mess I’m in now, because that’s on me” I whispered

“However, I do blame you for everything else,” I whispered looking into his eyes.

“I know, I blame myself too” He whispered, his eyes looking into mine and at that moment, I saw torment, love, and fear. It was so strong I had to look away.

“Here,” He said putting a piece of stiff paper in my hand “These are the tickets you’re going to need for tonight for the flight to Seattle. Astrid and I will leave this morning, that way you can have some distance on the plane.” He said quietly

Looking down I counted three and looking up I gave Edward a look of confusion. “Edward, in case you haven’t noticed, I’m only one person.”

“Alice,” He said before giving me a small smile and running back to the castle, leaving me with my thoughts.

* * *

Returning to the palace I was greeted by Dimitri who smiled as I walked into the game room with Felix. “Hey Bells, you just missed you’re, uh, guests,” He said looking uncomfortable.

“Yeah, um, I had a conversation with Edward before they left, I knew they were leaving early,” I said standing against the wall.

“Are you okay Bella?” Felix asked, concerned

“Yes, I’m okay, it was just, it was a, um, it was a difficult conversation, but it needed to happen. Do any of you happen to know where Jane is? I tried looking for her in her room, but she wasn’t there” I asked

“Uh, yeah, I think she’s in the gym.” Dimitri supplied

“Perfect, thanks guys, I’ll see you later,” I said, distracted, leaving and walking down the hallways, my feet softly leaving an echo.

Did I really mean what I said? Is it better to be dead than alive right now? I mean I guess I don’t have a choice now but if I could back, would I choose to die?

I don’t think so, I was just angry, but the thought is appealing. Leaving everything behind and not feeling anything. Of course, faith says something different, eternal fate in fire and everything. Mom was devoted to the stuff and I know I have my faith in her but it’s so tempting. I mean I can’t believe it because that means mom and dad aren’t in a good place and I won’t accept that. How could they not be at peace in their happy place? They were so good. Too good for this world. Maybe that’s why I didn’t die because death was too good for me. Because a half-life is better suited for someone like me.

I couldn’t save Charlie; I couldn’t even save myself. Why would I think I can save the legacy of a woman I don’t even know? Is it worth it anymore? I don’t know. I feel like I don’t know anything anymore.

Sighing, I turned around, Jane doesn’t want to hear this I’m sure. I don’t want to burden her with this; these are my problems, not hers. Not anyone’s. Feeling the tickets in my pocket I closed my eyes and release a breath through my nose.

Would it even be worth it to go back? What would be the point? Maybe Edward was right, Jake coming here was a bad idea and I can’t put him in danger. It was selfish and stupid, and I won’t do that to my friend.

Feeling a buzz in my pocket I take out my phone to see a text from none other than Alice:

_"Come home Bella; even if you think it's pointless, I know Jake misses you and wants to see you. So, if you won’t come for you, at least come for your pack."  
_

Sighing and shaking my head I place it back in my pocket. Welp, at least I know Alice is looking out for me. Although I don’t know if that’s good or bad either way Jake would be upset if I didn’t come home.

He was so sad on the phone when he hadn’t heard from me. I can’t do that to him. Sighing I walk in the direction of Aro’s chambers and knocking once I step in to see a smiling Aro.

“Hello my dear, welcome! What brings you on this beautiful morning?” H asked and smiling softly I know he knows.

“Aro, I assume you know what I’m going to ask?”

With a small smile and chuckle he nods his head “So, you agreed to the Cullen boy’s request? I must say, I’m a little surprised dearest, Bella. You do know it’s for his mate, don’t you?” He asked with a small glint in his eye.

I bristled slightly and nodded my head “Yes, he told me everything. With all due respect as much as I dislike Edward now, it wasn’t her fault. She had no responsibility in this, the mating bond is simply too strong once it's accepted, and humans are far weaker than we are when it comes to emotions. I should know” I said with a small smile.

Laughing lightly, he said “Of course, well I am happy to know that you seem to be taking this in stride. You are a strong woman, especially for helping them as you are. I didn’t know your shield was this developed already?” He inquired with a raised eyebrow and at that I let out a laugh

“It’s not. I just gained control of protecting myself and just learning how to cover someone else physically. What they requested is far more advanced than what I can do, but I promised I would try. For her.” I said strongly looking his face on.

“Of course, of course, well Carlisle did work closely with Eleazar for a few centuries, so I’m sure he can help you with your gift. When you return, I look forward to any progress that was made” he said looking excited. “To see you at your full capacity would be a sight indeed. You would be very powerful.” He whispered and looking back to me with an exciting spark in his eye he asked me “So, when are you leaving?”

“Oh, um, I think tonight,” I said pulling out the tickets.

“I see, ah, normal for the Cullen’s always immediate. Well, I hope you have a nice trip, and Bella since you are technically a guest would you be terribly inconvenienced if two of my guard were to escort you? For my own curiosity? There is to be a wedding on the shapeshifters territory, and I am ever so curious about them” He asked bouncing his seat.

“A wedding?” I said surprised

“Ah, yes, my apologies, I do remember it was supposed to be a surprise to you. A certain Sam Utley and Emily Young are to be wed? Young Edward was hiding it from you and planned to tell you when he spoke to you. I’m guessing he didn’t get the chance” He said smiling apologetically.

“No, he didn’t, yes I know exactly who they are; he’s actually more of a brother to me so I can see why he wanted to surprise me but I’m glad it’s not a surprise anymore, that way I know what to pack.” I said lightly

“Splendid! Thank you for honoring my request and of course it's up to you who you choose to accompany you. I’m sure you must have certain names in mind” He said laughing.

“Yes, I must admit I was planning on asking Jane and Alec. I have grown rather close to both during my stay” I smiled back.

“Of course! Of course, well have fun and wish the newlyweds well from me and oh! I have the perfect gift!” Aro said and standing going over to the large armoire in the corner of the room, pulls out a rather large gold necklace, with a golf ball-sized diamond hanging from the thick rope.

“Here, let them do with this what they will. From what I gathered they are not as financially stable as the Cullen’s and that is no way to start a life together! This should help them start a good nest egg! My gift to them” He said handing me the necklace and shocked I say

“Thank you, Aro, and not to be impolite but this is such a generous gift…” I trail on with Aro shaking his hands

“Oh, my dear, because it is a gift! I am the richest being in the world! The silly necklace means nothing to a man like me but will mean everything to people like them. Plus, consider it a peace offering and the beginnings to an alliance between us and our new American shapeshifter allies.” He declared and laughing I nod my head goodbye.

“Thank you, Aro,” I say before closing the door once again and head to my room.

I should have known it would be more than a simple ‘gift’. Laughing softly to myself I can only imagine their faces when they see something like this. Hell, my eyes almost bugged out of my head when I saw this diamond. Packing it lightly in my carry on. I look at my journal and pursing my lips throw it in there as well. It has all the information from Didyme’s books and if I ever get a chance alone, I need to take advantage of it.

Screw if it’s worth it, if it is then at least I’m giving myself that chance.

Packing a few more clothes and necessities I hear a knock on my door and opening it I find Jane and Alec with bags in their hands.

“Whoa, I guess you already know huh?” I smiled sheepishly as Jane grinned

“Aro sent for us shortly after you left and told us our newest assignment, although I think this is more of a glamorized vacation. I haven’t been to a wedding in so long! At least a few centuries!” She said excitedly with Alec smirking lightly at Jane.

“Janie has never seen another species wedding custom so; this should be different,” he said very factually before turning and walking down the hallway.

“Tsk, Alec you don’t have a romantic bone in your body, do you? It's more than ‘customs’ plus these people are important to you, aren’t they?” Jane asked as I swung my backpack over my shoulder and walked with her. Alec shaking his head in front of us.

“Yes, um, Sam is like a brother to me. I’ve known him since I was a kid and Emily has grown to be a good friend. I’m excited to see them marry. Finally. They’ve been together for years, but I know with the wolves it was hard to become stable but now that everything is stabilized, they can finally marry.” I explained

* * *

Boarding the private jet, I picked a seat near the window while Jane and Alec made themselves comfortable. Feeling takeoff, I let my mind wander about what could be waiting for me.

No doubt I would have to be around Edward and Astrid for a good amount of time and that would include the rest of the Cullen’s. Is my shield even that advanced? I mean if I even attempt it and something goes wrong? I can’t even think of it.

Plus seeing Jacob and Leah and the rest of the pack, I mean it would be nice to see them, I just hope that I’m the same, Bella. Although I don’t feel like the same Bella. I just want to celebrate Sam and Emily and hopefully not be around Edward and Astrid’s wedding. I don’t think I’m strong enough for that.

Biting my lip, I shut my eyes and try to think about something else. There’s always Didyme but that’s a can of worms I’m not opening when I’m trying to relax.

Feeling the seat next to me shift, I sigh and keep my eyes closed.

“You know, for someone who agreed to help her ex, you seem the right amount of anxious I thought you would be,” Alec said

“Yes, well, what was I supposed to do? Say no?” I asked cracking my eyes open and seeing his face.

“Well, in theory, you could have, but knowing you, that wasn’t an option was it?” He asked

“I did think about it” I admitted

“So why didn’t you say no? You would have been in the right to do so” He asked, his curiosity coming through.

Sighing, I sat up and turned to him “Because it wouldn’t have been right. Yes, I would be in the right but that doesn’t make it right, now does it?” I asked “Besides, going back home, I’m doing it more for me. I mean I wouldn’t miss Sam and Emily’s wedding for anything.” I said half heartily, shifting my eyes away from his gaze.

“Your lying again,” He said blatantly

“No, I’m not,” I said, scowling lightly

“And now, your lying to yourself,” He said

Rolling my eyes, I slumped back in my seat and faced the window. Seeing his reflection, he shook his head and scoffed “Bella, come on, look it’s obvious to everyone on this plane that you’re not happy about going back. The most helpful thing you can do is at least admit it to yourself and stop making excuses for it. You're pissed. Accept it. It’s okay to be mad” He said, facing forward.

“Fine! I’m mad, is that what you want to hear?” I asked, frustrated

“Well, partly, I mean it’s a good start anyways”

Blowing a raspberry, I shook my head “Look, I just don’t know what to expect and I’m trying to keep my mind positive. There’s nothing wrong with that” I said defensively.

“Normally you would be right but, it’s not healthy. Take it from me, I avoid feelings because frankly I don’t like them, but I also know if I don’t deal with them there going to make themselves known in one way or another.” He warned 

“So…you’re a pot calling a kettle black?” I asked looking at him

“In a way, look, I just know that this isn’t going to be easy for you and I also know that this – “gesturing to me “is not helping you.” He said

“Alec’s right, Bella,” Jane said from her seat and in a blink of an eye she was in the seat behind me, her arms on top of my headrest.

“I heard from Dimitri that your talk with Edward wasn’t that great. He said you looked, and I quote “like she got fucked up”

“Dimitri said that?” I asked turning towards her, my eyebrows scrunching together

“Plus, Felix, my point being, you’re not good at hiding how you feel and we both know how your feeling now which nothing short of anger, sadness, and anxiety,” Jane said her voice pointed.

Sighing I looked down, my hair covering my face. Biting my lip, I looked back up and said “Your both right, okay I’m struggling with this. I mean it was a shock, to see him there, after all this time. Especially seeing him with her. It hurt but mainly it just cemented everything. It’s not that I’m jealous or anything but that I was so easy to replace. I was his amber but she’s his gold. I’m trying to be happy for them because anything else feels so awful, but I guess, it hurts knowing that I was always second. Even when I was equal to him, to them, I was never enough, and it feels that I may never be enough for anything.” I said quietly, my hair covering my face as I turned towards the window. 

“Oh, Bella, I – “Jane started but with a look from Alec, she closed her mouth.

“Jane, do you mind if I have a moment alone with Bella,” Alec asked tensely and with a look shared between the two, Jane nodded and left to the front of the plane giving a sense of privacy.

“Look, Alec before you say anything, I know it’s not true and that I am good enough and everything. It’s just this is where I am right now and I’m trying really hard to get my headspace out of that, but I’ve heard it before, you know?” I said softly

“Well that wasn’t what I was going to say but okay, I’m glad you at least know it's not true,” Alec said, still tense.

“Then what were you going to say?” I asked, slightly curious now

“Well, I was going to say was fuck the Cullen kid. I know you may defend him Bella, but it wasn’t right what he did, though I’m sure you know that. What I was going to say was I’m glad you're feeling this way.” He said boldly

“What?” I asked shocked “Your happy I feel worthless,” I asked hurt leaking in my voice.

“No, I’m not happy you feel worthless, I’m actually pretty pissed that you were made to feel that way. What I’m happy about is that even though you feel this way, you at least know what it is and that even though it doesn’t feel good now, your healing.” He said, his eyes intense and his face close to mine.

I could see the fire in his eyes; the honesty and the anger. It made me feel a little better seeing his genuineness in his eyes. Smiling softly, I say a quiet “thank you”

“Yeah, don’t mention it” He said stiffly before moving to the front of the plane and looking out his own window, looking deep in thought.

After a pause, I said quietly to him “You know for someone who says he’s not good at relationships or friendships; you’re doing exceptionally well.”

“Yeah, well, I’ve had some practice that I learned a great deal from.” He said cryptically before turning away and looking back out the window.

Before long I heard Jane from the front with the news, I’ve been dreading this whole flight.

“We’re now in Seattle. Bella, it’s time to go.”


End file.
